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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

An inheritance one

50 replies

Entitled123 · 29/07/2025 17:46

My parents are relatively wealthy, own multiple properties etc, this has been in part due to some smart investments but primarily due to substantial inheritance from their own families. They are very comfortably off and will continue to be into old age.

I’ve never had any financial assistance from them, and neither have my siblings, but we’ve all gone on to build comfortable lifestyles for ourselves. We don’t have everything we want, but we’re not exactly hard up either. We’ve definitely worked hard for what we’ve got though, and to be able to enjoy our lives.

Recently, our parents have started talking about how they need to spend all their money, how they want to make sure they don’t leave it behind and making other, pretty nasty, comments about how we don’t deserve a penny. We’re not sure where this has come from, and have tried to explain to them that we don’t expect any inheritance from them and it’s their money to spend as they choose, but they seem convinced we’re money grabbing and can’t wait for them to pop off so we inherit a tidy sum. This has become something of an obsession and comes up in most conversations. One of my siblings pointed out that they had both benefitted from inheritance and that this had helped them, and my parents seem to have cut all contact with them as a result.

Has anyone else experienced this? It’s such an odd situation. I can’t help but feel I’d want to give my children as much help as possible in life, not the opposite. Hoping we can salvage some sort of relationship moving forward, it’s creating a real atmosphere.

OP posts:
AvidJadeShaker · 29/07/2025 17:49

Honestly I’d completely change the subject when they next bring it up.

MissMoneyFairy · 29/07/2025 17:52

Agree, just ignore it or say stop talking about money, no one is interested. Don't mention they had an inheritance or that you'd help your own children, don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed.

lola006 · 29/07/2025 17:55

A couple years ago my [very well off] MIL shared this awful FB post about spending all your money so your DIL’s don’t get their hands on it. It was truly offensive, I’ve never made any comments about expecting their money and nor has my SIL (as far as I know). It felt targeted at us for no reason and out of nowhere. My DH mentioned it during a phone call and she just laughed saying it was banter and what “they all talk about” at dinner parties.

Any chance your parents are hearing their friends being asked for financial support, or questions about their wills and maybe they’re projecting? Regardless though if it comes up calmly say “I’m not expecting anything, thanks” and change the subject.

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/07/2025 17:57

"Recently, our parents have started talking about how they need to spend all their money, how they want to make sure they don’t leave it behind and making other, pretty nasty, comments about how we don’t deserve a penny. ... they seem convinced we’re money grabbing and can’t wait for them to pop off so we inherit a tidy sum. This has become something of an obsession and comes up in most conversations."
I'd be asking myself how have they managed to become convinced. To be exact - WHO has convinced them of this? It could be in person, or it could be they've fallen down the rabbit hole or conspiracy theory websites (although they tend to blame the government, not your childrenSmile).

Has anyone raised granting Power of Attorney should they become incapacitated, could they have misinterpreted that?

Do they have anyone around them who could be dropping poison into their ears?

Could they have dementia? Sometimes that can present as paranoia. What ages are your parents?

thepariscrimefiles · 29/07/2025 18:01

I'd give them a wide berth. They sound extremely unpleasant and hypocritical. You and your siblings haven't done anything wrong so why would you and your siblings need to try and sort this out to salvage the relationship. Your mum's nasty comments about her own children not deserving a penny of any inheritance are really out of order. Just leave them to it and they can use all their money to pay for any care they need as surely they won't be expecting you and your siblings to provide it.

littleteapot86 · 29/07/2025 18:02

I also wondered about dementia OP. This seems like strange behaviour.

SpacedOutOut · 29/07/2025 18:08

Are they expecting their DC to look after them in their later years? Next time they get nasty about it I’d them you don’t want their money and they’ll need it to pay for their care!

Rizzz · 29/07/2025 18:13

I can’t help but feel I’d want to give my children as much help as possible in life, not the opposite.

If I was convinced my children were money grabbing and couldn't wait for me to die, then no I wouldn't.

How did they come to believe this of you and your siblings?

SleepyRedPanda · 29/07/2025 18:17

If this has completely come out of the blue, I would suspect something underlying is the cause. Do either have signs of dementia?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 29/07/2025 18:18

They don't sound pleasant, I'd probably withdraw a little.

AllotmentHappy · 29/07/2025 18:18

Dementia? Mental health issues? If its out of the blue it sounds like something else is going on.

Morningsleepin · 29/07/2025 18:20

There are a lot of AI generated stories on YouTube about adult children trying to get their hands on their parents money

Entitled123 · 29/07/2025 18:20

MissMoneyFairy · 29/07/2025 17:52

Agree, just ignore it or say stop talking about money, no one is interested. Don't mention they had an inheritance or that you'd help your own children, don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed.

We’ve tried this, ignored and changed the subject, sort of acknowledged and tried to move on, and then my sister (I think slightly at the end of her tether) challenged it and has since had very little contact from them despite maintaining normal communication her end. It really dominates the conversation at times because whatever we talk about they bring it back to money.

OP posts:
W0tnow · 29/07/2025 18:21

Wow. We’re they regular, loving parents when you were growing up?

hattie43 · 29/07/2025 18:22

Dementia . A lot of old people seem to have personality bypasses when it comes to money , care and the future. My own mother accused me of stealing £20 from her and got really distressed . You guessed it. she found it on the floor of her car .

GasPanic · 29/07/2025 18:30

Do you see them separately ?

Do you believe one has the dominant opinion and the other is just going along with it or are they both believing the same thing ?

Have you asked them why they think the way they do, considering you have never asked them for money or needed anything from them ? I would tell them it's hard to understand why they would feel that way.

Is it possible they overheard some private conversation that they were not meant to ?

Is it possible someone is trying to poison their minds against you ?

Cattery · 29/07/2025 18:30

Nasty pieces of work. Fuck them off out of it. Let them sit and count their money.

ChrisMartinsKisskam · 29/07/2025 18:31

just laugh and say
Why would you need there money

they are gonna have to use it to pay for there care if they need it
Cos you won’t be wiping there bums

Entitled123 · 29/07/2025 18:32

Thanks for responding, it’s such a strange situation to be in and dementia is definitely something we’ve considered. They’re older, but not elderly, but obviously it can happen at any age.

I don’t really know how else to frame it, other than that they almost seem gleeful about how much they have and that it’s more than us. My brother bought a house about a year ago in a really lovely area and somewhere he’d wanted to be for quite a while. It was definitely an upgrade from his previous home, but all they could really say was how much better he could have done if they’d helped him.

They talk quite a bit about their friends and how they take children/grandchildren on holidays, help out with property purchases, childcare costs etc. so it doesn’t seem like it’s something that’s coming from their social group but I guess you never know. I suppose there’s a chance one of us has said something and it’s been misinterpreted, but more than anything it just comes across as spiteful and nasty with no real basis.

OP posts:
Entitled123 · 29/07/2025 18:35

GasPanic · 29/07/2025 18:30

Do you see them separately ?

Do you believe one has the dominant opinion and the other is just going along with it or are they both believing the same thing ?

Have you asked them why they think the way they do, considering you have never asked them for money or needed anything from them ? I would tell them it's hard to understand why they would feel that way.

Is it possible they overheard some private conversation that they were not meant to ?

Is it possible someone is trying to poison their minds against you ?

I do think there’s a lot of this, my Mum has had a very privileged life and definitely has a sense of entitlement, and I wonder if as they’ve got older and maybe go out more my Dad has become more influenced by her.

If you’d asked me 5 years ago, I would have expected this sort of behaviour from her, but never in a million years from him.

OP posts:
fffiona · 29/07/2025 18:38

Do you think they are upset you haven’t begged for money, and it’s a power thing?

Entitled123 · 29/07/2025 18:46

fffiona · 29/07/2025 18:38

Do you think they are upset you haven’t begged for money, and it’s a power thing?

Possibly. We’re at the point where if we’re talking about a holiday their only real response is ‘well we’re not paying for it’. As far as I’m aware we’ve never asked them to even contribute, let alone pay for the whole thing. It’s almost like they seem to think we’re expecting them to pay, when that expectation has never been there.

OP posts:
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 29/07/2025 18:48

I'd sweetly and very thoughtfully remind them that they may well need a great deal of money put aside for care in the future...

Elsvieta · 29/07/2025 18:54

"What if you end up needing to pay for care, mum / dad? For all you know you could live to be a hundred and spend the last ten years in a home. That isn't cheap, and the ones the council will fund aren't so nice".

If they tell you they think any of you are going to be their carers, ask them how realistic they think that sounds in light of what they've just said...

TeapotCollection · 29/07/2025 18:56

It actually sounds like they’re gloating at you all, which decent people don’t do

I’d keep away from them. Life’s way too short to waste time on twats, parents or not

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