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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want to be a Facebook digest for a friend who doesn’t want an account?

43 replies

toastofthetown · 29/07/2025 11:25

My friend deleted Facebook about ten years ago. I’ve kept mine; I don’t post but I follow several local groups and pages, which are by far the most up to date source of what’s going on in our area. Most of these groups have websites or Instagram pages, but they’re rarely updated.

We met up recently, and I mentioned a free baby first aid course I’d done. She said she hadn’t seen it on Instagram and would’ve gone if she’d known. This isn’t the first time she’s missed something local and been annoyed. She asked if I could let her know about events I see on Facebook that might interest her. I said I’d try but now I’m thinking that I really don’t want to be her personal Facebook feed. The groups and pages that are freely accessible to anyone with an account. She’s also asked me to list things for her on Marketplace before, which I refused because it’s too much faff but that was a few years ago and she hasn’t asked since.

I think what’s annoying me is that she’s very vocal about how she’s better off without Facebook, and is happy to give me an extra admin load to stay off there. It’s not a huge job, but it is still admin, and with a baby I’m often checking Facebook at odd hours and won’t remember to pass things on later. I have said that she doesn’t even need friends, she can create a blank profile with no friends or photos, just to follow pages and groups, but she didn’t want to. AIBU to not want to start doing this for her?

OP posts:
Dozer · 29/07/2025 11:25

Decline to do these things for her.

CoastalCalm · 29/07/2025 11:26

Tell her to create another account in a made up name

Roaminginthegloaming · 29/07/2025 11:26

Just don’t tell her that you’ve received any information from Facebook posts and that you heard about events etc. by word of mouth.

SupposesRoses · 29/07/2025 11:38

As you don’t post yourself you have perfect plausible deniability. Just say she’s made great points about staying off FB and you’ve decided to limit your own use. And then don’t mention that you heard about things from FB.

GovernorClose · 29/07/2025 11:39

YANBU at all OP - you’re not her personal Facebook ambassador!

Ellie1015 · 29/07/2025 11:42

She isn't asking you to seek out stuff for her, just if you come accross something she might like to send her the info. I think a screen shot now and again is not a huge task. As long as she doesn't complain if you don't notice or forget to mention I wouldn't mind.

Edit - Sorry just saw the bit about market place. Definitely would not be doing that.

KarmenPQZ · 29/07/2025 11:42

Just bomb her the Facebook links of events you think she might like. She’ll soon ask you to stop!

or be an adult and say you don’t want to and don’t have time to be her PA and she should just open a dummy account

KeepcalmandtellthemtoFoff · 29/07/2025 11:43

YANBU

frozendaisy · 29/07/2025 11:43

Can she not ask baby's dad?

Dozer · 29/07/2025 11:44

That’s mental load / wifework crap that almost all women should do less of @Ellie1015

Skibber · 29/07/2025 11:45

How cheeky.
Completely ignore her.

Ellie1015 · 29/07/2025 11:46

Dozer · 29/07/2025 11:44

That’s mental load / wifework crap that almost all women should do less of @Ellie1015

I think if it is when you notice/remember rather than a responsibility it is fine, for me anyway. Not unreasonable not to have the head space for it either.

NowYouSee · 29/07/2025 11:48

Reminds me of a school mum who didn’t want to be on the class WhatsApp group which was totally fine in itself BUT expected me to forward her anything important anyone posted.

I just didn’t and when she tried being critical of why didn’t I tell her about X or Y I was clear that I never agreed to do this for her and if she wants the info she should be on herself.

KassandraOfSparta · 29/07/2025 11:48

Gosh people like her are so tedious. They don't just come off social media, they have to let everyone KNOW they've come off social media and talk about "Insta-huns" or "Faceache" and think they're being super cool.

As she's discovered, there is another side to social media which is brilliant for telling you what is happening in your local area. My teens are far too cool for Facebook but still made accounts to join the local community group for the gossip and chat about local issues.

There is a really simple solution to her "problem". She creates an account and checks the feed to be in the loop. Totally unreasonable to expect you to act as her social secretary.

ReservationDogs · 29/07/2025 11:48

Nah - she can get her own account if she wants the perks that go with it

twilightcafe · 29/07/2025 11:49

YABU.
Speak up and say NO!
You are not here to be her social media donkey.

Coffeeishot · 29/07/2025 11:49

Roaminginthegloaming · 29/07/2025 11:26

Just don’t tell her that you’ve received any information from Facebook posts and that you heard about events etc. by word of mouth.

But she would still say, oh you should have told me so the Op.can't win.

Katherine9 · 29/07/2025 13:22

CoastalCalm · 29/07/2025 11:26

Tell her to create another account in a made up name

It doesn't even need to be a made-up name!

latetothefisting · 29/07/2025 13:31

Yanbu to not want to do it so just...don't. Say "I haven't seen anything" or "haven't had time to go on it much" if she asks. She can't prove a negative! Not really any need for angsting.

Prayingforananswer · 29/07/2025 13:37

I should introduce her to my friend who doesn't do online shopping "because it's not safe". She just asks others to buy her stuff from a well known online shopping site and she reimburses the cost. 🙄

Livpool · 29/07/2025 14:20

You aren’t her PA!

fragrancefriend · 29/07/2025 14:28

I’m not on Facebook anymore & just have to accept that I’ll miss stuff. My MIL does this to me with TV programmes, if she missed the first episode of a new season of something it’s my fault for not reminding her!

gamerchick · 29/07/2025 14:31

Won't make much difference anyway. They're clamping down on dormant accounts or ones with little info and aren't posted on. You might not have one yourself soon enough.

GovernorClose · 29/07/2025 15:24

gamerchick · 29/07/2025 14:31

Won't make much difference anyway. They're clamping down on dormant accounts or ones with little info and aren't posted on. You might not have one yourself soon enough.

Edited

I must admit I’m VERY surprised to hear this. I get the impression that they want as many people to use Facebook as possible so it’s easy as pie to get on it. I can’t see how they’d close accounts down for not posting enough content.

Cakeandusername · 29/07/2025 15:29

I wouldn’t have any tolerance for this. If you see her and it comes up in conversation mention it but I wouldn’t go out of your way to message her.
I’m a leader of a kids activity. We have a parents private facebook we put pics on. One mum won’t join and always asks for pics separately.