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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really want to move

29 replies

Justwilliamah · 28/07/2025 15:50

Our son has got into a very good outstanding secondary that’s walking distance from our house.
Me and my partner have wanted to move from our area for a while now but our son is adamant he wants to stay in our current house and start his new secondary. We really don’t like the area we’re in and want to move further out (potentially countryside territory) so that we can have a more outdoors lifestyle (walking, cycling, country pubs etc). I feel depressed when I think about being stuck here for the next 6 years or so. My partner says there’s not much we can do now unless our son hates the school.
i wanted to add that selling the house would also release some equity for us which would make a difference to our lifestyles too.

OP posts:
Straightjacketsandroses · 28/07/2025 15:53

I don’t really understand why you are just questioning this now. Surely you should’ve been planning a move before your son applied for secondary? You can’t very well now say, ‘Oh actually, you’re not going to that school because we’re moving’… Where would he go? Are there schools there of an equal quality? It all seems a bit impulsive and chaotic to me so yes, YABU

Original poster
Justwilliamah · 28/07/2025 15:55

No, we’d had our house on the market throughout his year 5 and sold it but had a property fall through.

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 28/07/2025 15:55

You should have moved a few years ago, not left it just before your son goes to secondary school.

YodasHairyButt · 28/07/2025 15:55

His education is important and it’s only for a few short years.

Original poster
Justwilliamah · 28/07/2025 15:56

Iloveacurry · 28/07/2025 15:55

You should have moved a few years ago, not left it just before your son goes to secondary school.

We weren’t in a position to move earlier down the line (when he was in year 3 and 4 plus covid happened)

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 28/07/2025 15:59

Covid was 5-4 years ago though.

I think you’re being very unfair to your son. He probably won’t be interested in country walks with you in 2 or 3 years,

Straightjacketsandroses · 28/07/2025 16:03

I just can’t get on board with your son’s education suffering the consequences of your bad planning. Realistically you have a couple of years to plan and implement a move whilst your child is in Upper KS2, and usually a move is centred around catchment - not moving away from one!

ToInfiniteaAndBeyond · 28/07/2025 16:14

Moving rurally when you have an 11 year old seems incredibly selfish. He’s just getting to the age when he can start exercising some real independence - walking to school / getting the bus to go to the cinema with friends etc - and you want to snatch it away from him and move somewhere where his social life depends on your willingness to give lifts.

You’re not realistically going to have sold your house and bought a new one somewhere else before he starts school in September, so are you planning to force him to leave all his new friends and move schools?

Original poster
Justwilliamah · 28/07/2025 16:26

But the area is safer and has a good link to London if he wishes to go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justwilliamah · 28/07/2025 17:24

Bump

OP posts:
theresapossuminthekitchen · 28/07/2025 17:33

What stands out to me in your post is the complete lack of any consideration of your son’s needs. It’s all about you. It’s perfectly ok to feel disappointed that your move didn’t work as planned but you just sound like you’re viewing your son as an inconvenience to your life. I don’t believe everything should revolve around children within a family - compromises are often necessary for e.g. job moves that aren’t essential but will benefit the family as a whole - but you seem to think everything should revolve around you, which is also unreasonable. 6 years is not very long and will go by very quickly with a busy teen. I really hope you have just worded this all badly or, if not, that your son doesn’t know how much you resent him.

silverspringer · 28/07/2025 17:35

It’s sounding like you want people to say it’s ok for you to uproot your son after he has started his new school.

Unless you have a serious need to move then it is a selfish decision. As others have said, the time to move was a couple of years ago. It’s a shame the previous sale fell through but it happened and here you are.

Rural living is rarely an attractive option for teen kids. He won’t benefit from country pubs and nice walks when he wants to hang out with his friends who live in another village 5 miles away.

NotrialNodeal · 28/07/2025 17:36

Depends - do you want to prioritise yourself or your son?

frozendaisy · 28/07/2025 17:38

Your son's education has to trump your desire to move, unless of course you can accommodate his school within the move, if you can give him lifts, bearing in mind after school clubs and don't mind running him back and forth to hang out with friends. Then it might be worth talking to him about the benefits to the family in moving.

ClipClopt · 28/07/2025 17:40

As someone who raised two teens in London, I think you are crazy to move near the countryside at this age. It is so good for kids to have independence and travelling around when they enter the teen years. They can use public transport to visit friends. And you don’t have to be the taxi driver, unless obviously it is quite late at night.

I would absolutely not move now.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 28/07/2025 17:40

You want to move away from your son's outstanding secondary school to be closer to country pubs he's too young to drink in, and nature rambles?

And you don't understand why he's less than thrilled about the idea?

Vitrolinsanity · 28/07/2025 17:41

Instead of celebrating the fact your son WANTS to go to a great school, and has a place you want country walks and a nice pub. I know this is piling on, but come on OP you must be able to see the pitfalls of your plan.

willwetalkinthemornin · 28/07/2025 17:42

We moved rurally when I was in my first term of year 7, my brother in year 9, from a town and schools we loved to somewhere 200 miles away in the middle of nowhere. It wasn’t even discussed! Parents felt it would be better for us all. It was totally fine tbh - we just got on with it - bit harder for my brother but at 11 I just went with the flow. I wish we had done the same when my Dcs were younger as I am also in a place I don’t like and now they’re in year 12 we can’t move, especially if they get jobs after school but can’t afford to move out etc. so I’d say do it now before you’re stuck for a long time.

paddyclampster · 28/07/2025 17:44

Don’t do it! Wait til your DS has finished school!

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 28/07/2025 17:50

Justwilliamah · 28/07/2025 17:24

Bump

Why are you bumping a thread that's getting responses?

TMMC1 · 28/07/2025 17:51

Yes, you are being un reasonable and exceptionally selfish.

School catchments are quite large now. Surely you can find an appropriate home in what you consider a nicer area without him moving school.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 28/07/2025 17:54

I’m going against the grain, a 12 year old doesn’t dictate where you live.

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 28/07/2025 17:54

Of course it's completely selfish to uproot him from friends and an outstanding secondary school in walking distance so you can live in the countryside.

Poopeepoopee · 28/07/2025 17:57

YABU plus as pp have said, it's incredibly selfish to move to a rural area when you have teenage children.

Just accept the fact you'll be staying put for a few more years yet for your sons sake.

KnickerlessParsons · 28/07/2025 17:57

Who’s in charge? You or your son, who is presumably 11.