Changing kids for swimming on play date

[wasitwrong]

I took my kids to a play date recently - they’re 3 and 5 and the child has a little pool.

I brought all their swimming stuff and was changing them by the pool ( but trying to protect their modesty a little bit ). The mum kept telling me to go inside, but it was literally nearly done and I was happy to just get on with it from where I was sitting.

when my little one came out of the pool to be changed, no one was out where we were, so again, I started changing him- sort of covering his modesty as much as I could, but not entirely.

the mum came out with the daughter and told her not to look and again told me to go inside.

it was nearly done so I just again, covered him and got him dressed. When it was my DDs turn, I went inside to change her.

anyway, I didn’t think it was a big deal. But then thought, did I make a massive faux pas there ? I didn’t expose my kids, but at the same time I was also not too concerned about the whole thing. I was just naturally helping them get dressed and undressed- whilst also chatting to the mum etc. but I felt like she thought it wasn’t appropriate and I should be going inside to do it.

I guess this is AIBU, so most people will say I’m a disgusting human for doing what I did or that I’m overthinking the mum’s behaviour but I did feel she was like ‘ go inside ‘. A lot of times and I was just breezy doing my thing.

I would've done exactly what you did, but equally I know a few who would act like the other person.

I’d have been happy to change my own kids exactly as you did if no one minded. But you our host made it clear she did mind so you should have gone inside.

I would have done the same as you at that age as long as my children also weren’t bothered

I would have done as you did, but the first time the other mum mentioned going inside then I would have taken the hint. She was obviously uncomfortable

You were happy to do that but your host wasn't happy for you to do it so you should have gone inside.

I would have been happy to do what you did OP, but as she said it several times I think you should have done as she asked.

Was the other child 3 or 5? Are the five year olds same gender?
I’d have changed a toddler but a 5 year old I’d only have done it if no other option offered and I’d have done it under a towel.

Agree with this. You were quite rude.

I wouldn't have just ignored what the host asked me to do twice, no.

You need to enable voting. Yanbu

Your host asked you to change inside so that’s what you should have done.

personally at toddler age I wouldn’t have been bothered but by 5 it’s marginal.

get a towelling poncho. Excellent for the beach and for these situations.

Her house her rules so it was rude to ignore her request to change your child inside.

She has a different attitude to public nudity and is teach her child her rules.

Agree with others, I would have done the same as you, however the host was obviously uncomfortable with that so you should have respected her wishes.

I normally did what you did, but if I was asked to go inside I would have. Her house, her rules.

We had a paddling pool playdate recently with two 3 year olds, two 7yo boys, one 7yo girl and a 9yo girl.

Changing arrangements as follows:

• 3yos changed in the garden by their parents and ended up running around with no clothes for much of the time.
• 7yo boys changed in the garden by parents, but with a towel held around them.
• 7yo girl and 9yo girl went inside into the sitting-room and shut the door to get changed.

At 3 and 5, all the kids involved would have been getting changed in the garden or running about with no clothes on.

Same as the previous poster, I’d get them changed outside but if my host asked me to go in then I would.

I think you should have done what the host asked, but I would also do what you did to start with.

That’s the sort of thing I had… they were covered. My son was slightly exposed when no one was out there. That was it. At no point was my daughter uncovered.

I’d have got them changed outside, but by 5 my daughter was conscious of not showing people outside the family her bum. We’ve always had those towelling ponchos so she’d have got changed under there so no one could see anything.

People have wildly different views on public nudity in small children though. One of my friends just strips hers off in public without a care in the world (eldest is 6), another text me once saying how appalled she was that some 2/3 year olds were naked in a park, she would definitely have been taking her daughter inside to change in this situation even at 2/3.

My daughter is also like this, she would not have been comfortable to be naked there. She never was.

I understand if the mum was uncomfortable if I was actually just doing it in a careless way and exposing them, but I didn’t do that at all. Which is why I ignored her saying ‘ you can go inside ‘.. because I wasn’t exposing her or my son. Only at the end when we were alone outside was there slight exposure.

I would have changed them in private.

I actually never changed a nappy in front of people and always took them into a different room.

The NSPCC run a campaign that is intended to protect children from sexual abuse called pants are private.

link here:

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/pants-underwear-rule/

this is used in schools.

if the mum is trying to work with this sort of rules and get her daughter to follow these rules to protect both her and others then you should follow what she’s telling you to do, especially at her house.

Why didn’t you just do what the host asked you to do? I don’t under the benefit of you ignoring her several times and just carrying on regardless.

Dont forget that if you are in an urban setting she may know her NDNs better than you and have suspicion about one who overlooks her garden.
Or due to other factors may be much more senitive to safeguarding in all setting
Or even not wanting her child to see any adult as "safe" which is implied if she said nothing about your actions.

You admit you kept ignoring your host's wishes. That was rude.