Should I call out her behaviour?

[3sausagedogs]

Me and my friend have been friends for years. She went on a yearly holiday to a family villa in Spain for 2 weeks every year for £100 a week. I was always nice, asked about it, fed her cats, watered her plants and took my kids to Devon etc. I’m a single parent and Deven was a nice holiday. Last year I took my kids aboard after getting a new job which is full time and stressful. I’ve paid for a nice hotel and all inclusive and it’s a really treat again this year. I go without and save all year for my holiday. Today my friend announced she was off on holiday so I asked her all about it etc she said it’s another villa in Benidorm etc so I was really nice and interested she then proceeded to say in quite a nasty way that she offered an all inclusive hotel to her kids and they said they wouldn’t go on holiday somewhere kids wee in the pool she said I guess my kids are snobs. Ok I didn’t say anything at the time but I’m actually really upset. She’s never been nasty before and I don’t even talk about my holiday, it was pretty nasty how she said it and I’m wondering if I should message and say something? If so what should I say?

It sounds to me like she's annoyed by her kids. Maybe she was hoping for all inclusive? I'm not sure I'd say anything, but if she repeats it you could try sympathising. "Poor you. I'm glad my kids love the all inclusive. I do too, because I get a real break."

You've written twice how nice you are, if you and your mate don't like each other choice of holiday destination it's fine.

Neither of you are going on holiday together.

I wouldn’t bother saying anhthng. She’s obviously not really that happy to want to say snide comments about your holiday. Who really cares what their friends think about their trips as long as you enjoy it. Next time say well I wouldn’t like to have to make all my own food on holiday, i prefer to be waited on and have anything i want to hand

Stop feeding her cat & watering her plants when she goes away. Dont say anything just be busy when she asks.

The time to say something has passed OP. Tbh I would have taken it she's sick of her kids attitude and fancied an all inclusive.

I'd go for a breezy "Oh, but it will be so nice to not have to think about food shopping or cooking for a few days" if you want to retort. Either that or just ignore her.

Sounds like an offhand comment to me if you haven’t actually discussed your holiday. Like she was just thinking out loud about the options she had for her holiday and what her kids said about them (in what sounds like a quite self deprecating way from your description of calling her kids snobs) so it doesn’t sound to me like a direct dig at your holiday.

People often just say stuff without really thinking and I would, if it’s a one off, just give her the benefit of the doubt.

I am being a pendant, but it's not clear whose kids are the snobs. Hers or yours?

I think she was saying her kids are snobs because they don't want to use a shared pool. So maybe it wasn't a dig at you, it was annoyance at her kids.

But it could also have been a passive/aggressive dig at you, using her kids as a means of saying her holidays are better than yours.

Either way, the moment has passed. Wait and see if she says anything else about your holiday.

I think that whether you say anything or not is more about what would benefit you.
Would you feel better letting her know that her words had hurt you? Do you think she will listen, and think twice about saying stuff like that again, or would she simply laugh it off, say it was just a joke and that you are being too sensitive?

I think that we all enjoy different things so it’s perfectly normal for a friend to know that they would make different decisions to you, but it’s not normal to do what she did at all.

She should have been pleased for you even if it didn’t appeal to her and voicing this means she is either intentionally cruel or unaware. I suppose there’s quite a difference in the two so it would be down to what I thought of her as to whether I would bother giving reasons for my annoyance with her .

On the surface it sounds like her kids made a snobby comment and you didn't say anything about it at the time - why would you say something now? You also said "I don’t even talk about my holiday" - so it was nothing to do with your holiday was it? Sorry I am confused by your post to be honest.

I love an all inclusive. I wouldn't be offended if my friend said this. Why do you think it was nasty. What's the relevance of you feeding her cats and going to Devon?

Mate - she goes to Benidorm!

Devon is a probably nicer.

I'm not sure why you're offended? Different people like different things. If she's saying she wouldn't like to do an all inclusive because her family prefer a villa with their own pool, so what? You don't need her or anyone to 'approve' of your holiday. Try not to worry so much about what others think of your choices.

I can't tell who has said what to offend who here or where the offense even is 😵‍💫

I have no idea why you're upset to be honest. She was talking about her holiday, your holiday wasn't discussed. She said her children wouldn't like your holiday set-up (but you hadn't even told her your holiday set-up) and she said they were snobby. Sounds like a complete non-issue and non-event if I'm honest.

It's like if I told someone my DH wouldn't like if I painted the front door a bright colour but I think he's boring and didn't know that their front door was bright pink - and they took great offence...

So you are offended by something someone else has said about something you are doing that she doesn't know about and she is the one in the wrong because she is not physic?

I think she is jealous of you having an All Inclusive Holiday with your kids.

Her kids are also jealous as well by the sound of it.

The rest of her comments are just tripe.

Take heed. Jealous friends are not good friends

🏝️🌅🏖️👍

How on earth do you know she is jealous?, i do think this is what 12 year olds say when they dont know what else to say, I couldn't imagine a worse holiday that climbing a mountain doesn't mean i am jealous

The friend said she had offered an all inclusive holiday to her kids but they don't want to go to a place where kids piss in swimming pools, which makes them 'snobs'.

Not sure why OP thought this was a dig at her, or what the potential message should say.

This. There’s no relevance to the backstory about how much she paid for previous holidays in family houses or whether you looked after her plants or not. Her children said they didn’t want to go on the type of holiday you’re going on. What’s the issue?

This is such a none issue. She was talking about her kids are you always this dramatic ?

It's either a malicious dig or an innocent, albeit somewhat self-absorbed comment made off the cuffs without thinking about your holiday. Only you know.

Would she still want to be friends with you if you got an even better job and suddenly had a much wealthier lifestyle than her? Your post only gives this one incident so it depends what the rest of your friendship is like. But I’ve seen quite a few instances of people’s friends turning on them when they start doing better. Some people like to have poorer or less successful friends around so that they can feel superior. They want to be able to look down on you. As I said, one incident is not enough to go off, so just bear it in mind. Real friends cheer you on when you start doing better for yourself, regardless of their own situation.

Sounds like she's the snob and you're over sensitive.

I think you’re being far too over sensitive, and you’re projecting your insecurities about your trip on to her.

She’s clearly not adverse to an all-inclusive holiday, as she’s literally offered/suggested one to her own family!

She sounds frustrated by her kids lack of enthusiasm/uptake.