Will he get 50/50?

Willhegetwhathewants · 2025-07-27T11:11:47+00:00

STBXH has always been hands off with DC6, always working really long hours and just showing up for the fun stuff. I am the primary carer. We are getting divorced and he is being a lot nastier in all this than I ever thought he could be, but that is for another thread. STBXH is making a court application for 50/50, he won't even enter into negotiations. He wants one week on, one week off. Is he likely to get this?

Poopeepoopee · 27/07/2025 12:13

Unless there is a good reason why he shouldn't then yes, he'll likely be awarded this.

Does he have any convictions or cautions for aggresive type behaviour?

MemorableTrenchcoat · 27/07/2025 12:13

Why shouldn't he? He is the child's parent, as are you.

WaterLoadedGun · 27/07/2025 12:14

Whats the routine like now? Judges (mostly) like to keep children in the same routine.

Mrsttcno1 · 27/07/2025 12:14

Unfortunately as PP says, do you have any good reason why he shouldn’t be allowed or isn’t capable of taking care of his child? If not then I’m not sure how you’d be able to fight it really.

AlertCat · 27/07/2025 12:15

Don’t help him out with childcare. If he wants 50:50 he has to make those plans and arrangements and to pay for them. If he starts ducking out, keep a diary of when they are with you and with him, so that you can go to CMA and point out that in practice it isn’t 50:50.

Dramatic · 27/07/2025 12:16

In my experience they don't usually like to do one week on one week off because that is a long time to be away from the main carer. You should have a good shot at getting more time than him.

Original poster

Willhegetwhathewants · 27/07/2025 12:16

Routine at the moment is that I pretty much do everything with DC in terms of care.

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Dramatic · 27/07/2025 12:17

Willhegetwhathewants · 27/07/2025 12:16

Routine at the moment is that I pretty much do everything with DC in terms of care.

Do you both work?

AlertCat · 27/07/2025 12:17

Willhegetwhathewants · 27/07/2025 12:16

Routine at the moment is that I pretty much do everything with DC in terms of care.

So he might get a rude shock. Don’t help him, at all.

Upsetbetty · 27/07/2025 12:17

Willhegetwhathewants · 27/07/2025 12:16

Routine at the moment is that I pretty much do everything with DC in terms of care.

Then it will change and he will have to step up 50% of the time…let him.

freerangethighs · 27/07/2025 12:18

I'm sorry he has been and is being an arse, but should he not be expected to do half of the work of raising his child? Having his son 50% of the time on his own means that he likely cannot just Disney Dad it all the way; there will be a need for real parenting and he'll have to step up.

Original poster

Willhegetwhathewants · 27/07/2025 12:18

I work part time and term time only, he works full but self employed....he is saying he can take time off but hasn't been able to during out marriage, I am also conscious that he won't get paid during that time.

Due to his behaviour towards me, I am just feeling utterly defeated with everything.

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Original poster

Willhegetwhathewants · 27/07/2025 12:19

He won't step up, MIL will...

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gotellsomeone · 27/07/2025 12:23

Crosspost - Are you going to have to work full time now you’ve split?

IMO 50/50 or close to that is best for most children. My DH got 50/50 custody of DSD pretty easily when he applied for it despite ex being mad about it and him working long hours/ having to travel for work.

Dramatic · 27/07/2025 12:24

I think people underestimate how worrying it is to have to hand your child over to someone for half of the time when you know they won't be looked after properly. It's all very well saying "well he'll have to step up" but in all likelihood he just won't and it'll be the kids that will suffer. Fight it as much as you can while being reasonable op, don't try and get full custody but I would fight the 50/50

beelegal · 27/07/2025 12:26

Unless he shows clear evidence that he’s genuinely prepared and capable of co-parenting full-time (not just saying it), and unless the arrangement is clearly in your child’s best interest, a 50/50 split is less likely right now due to age,

The court may offer:

A gradual increase in his time, or
A structured arrangement where your child primarily lives with you, with generous contact for him.

FCourts look for patterns rather than “I will do this from….”.

titchy · 27/07/2025 12:27

Could you agree to 50/50 on the condition that if ex cannot look after ds you get first refusal, rather than him delegating everything to MIL?

LizFromMotherland · 27/07/2025 12:28

Willhegetwhathewants · 27/07/2025 12:18

I work part time and term time only, he works full but self employed....he is saying he can take time off but hasn't been able to during out marriage, I am also conscious that he won't get paid during that time.

Due to his behaviour towards me, I am just feeling utterly defeated with everything.

It sounds as though he didn't need to during the marriage.

If he gets 50/50 then he'll have to.

He may or may not settle into that after adjusting his work and with his mother helping out.

But I think he owes it to his son to at least try. Then as your son gets older, arrangements may have to become more flexible if you're both going to work towards the child's best interests.

It's shit OP, I've been through it myself and it took many years to settle down but it did.

And most of all, I think our DC appreciated us both for it as they got older and looked back.

AlertCat · 27/07/2025 12:28

Willhegetwhathewants · 27/07/2025 12:19

He won't step up, MIL will...

Unless there are reasons why she isn’t a safe carer, that’s his prerogative. It sounds as if you’ll need to make the best of it and just be there for your kids- consistent and calm and safe. And don’t take any nonsense about ‘you aren’t working in the holidays so you should have them more then but without it affecting the 50:50’!

also any suggestion of unsafe care arrangements, take to the school or someone like that. Keep records.

Londonrach1 · 27/07/2025 12:30

Just had a friend who's gone through similar although her ex was very hands up, no one else involved and my friend the one who decided to end the marriage due to reasons I won't share on here but neither party at fault just wrong match. Anyway he is self employed and it gone 50;50.... My friend gets no financial help and lost the house so back to renting with help from her mum. Financially it been hell and she misses her children half the time but she has been able to work more. he was and still is a very hands on Dad. On the time when he is working...self employed...his mum does pick up and fed tea but he comes back asap. My friend says it's working but he got the better deal as he gets sat all day and she gets half of sun until wed...they live close by so children still at same school... problems with pe kit at the wrong house etc has been sorted as pe kit at each house. Just sharing this to say it can work

gotellsomeone · 27/07/2025 12:33

Dramatic · 27/07/2025 12:24

I think people underestimate how worrying it is to have to hand your child over to someone for half of the time when you know they won't be looked after properly. It's all very well saying "well he'll have to step up" but in all likelihood he just won't and it'll be the kids that will suffer. Fight it as much as you can while being reasonable op, don't try and get full custody but I would fight the 50/50

its not just handing them other to someone though is it? He’s their father who has just as much right to see them as their mother does. The man op chose to marry and have a child with, not a stranger.

I don’t see any evidence of them not being looked after properly. The fact that he has worked long hours presumably getting paid more so his wife could work part time and be the primary carer is very common and isn’t evidence he can’t look after them properly.

Theunamedcat · 27/07/2025 12:34

Don't agree to it starting instantly ask for it to be built up over a few months he will get it anyway but dont be back up childcare for him if his mother wants to babysit let her extended family is good for children maybe ask for a 2/3/2/3 because one week on one week off will be too jarring for the child at first make sure you add in alternating birthdays Christmas mothers/fathers day who does the Dr's dentist how the communication goes with that who pays for what like school uniform will that travel with the child or what really get into the nitty gritty of it all pick apart everything overseas holiday too because that will be the next thing he demands make sure you have it written in about you too agree with him 50/50 needs to be the ultimate goal be enthusiastic about it 😀 if he is doing it to piss you off he might change his mind if he isnt he will find out very fast how to parent

HAPPILYMARRIEDSINCE2012 · 27/07/2025 12:36

gotellsomeone · 27/07/2025 12:33

its not just handing them other to someone though is it? He’s their father who has just as much right to see them as their mother does. The man op chose to marry and have a child with, not a stranger.

I don’t see any evidence of them not being looked after properly. The fact that he has worked long hours presumably getting paid more so his wife could work part time and be the primary carer is very common and isn’t evidence he can’t look after them properly.

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ThatRoseDeer · 27/07/2025 12:39

He’ll likely get 50/50.
Don’t help him on his weeks, he’ll either step up or he’ll revert back to what it is at the moment.
Do you think he’s doing it so he doesn’t have to pay maintenance?
I don’t know your finances - but if you’re only working part time, term time only with no child support you may want to look at full time work instead.

Original poster

Willhegetwhathewants · 27/07/2025 12:49

I earn more than DH

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