Will he get 50/50?

[Willhegetwhathewants]

STBXH has always been hands off with DC6, always working really long hours and just showing up for the fun stuff. I am the primary carer.

We are getting divorced and he is being a lot nastier in all this than I ever thought he could be, but that is for another thread.

STBXH is making a court application for 50/50, he won't even enter into negotiations. He wants one week on, one week off.

Is he likely to get this?

50/50 is likely, yes. The fact that you’re PT and he isn’t won’t hold any water. And if he asks his DM to collect from school etc, that’s up to him. It’s seen as him organising childcare on his time

Do you earn enough to remain in the family home alone and manage all the costs on your own?

Can you prove this?

I'd definitely fight week on/week off. Especially if he's not going to be there for most of it. Some men only do this to hurt the mother and avoid paying child maintenance. You need to get good legal advice from a professional.

@LizFromMotherland
Yes, I can....I also funded the house purchase.

I don't think he has ever spent more that 2hrs on his own with DC.

You can propose a different contact pattern. We are doing 50/50 but with a split week as DD wants me to take her to the activities she does at the moment eg swimming lessons etc. and it works better for us for me to do Mon-Weds and him to do Weds-Fri with alternating weekends.
But there has to be a very good reason to not award 50/50 and being a bit shit isn’t one of them.

Ok well as a PP suggested, perhaps it's best to request a build up to 50/50 if they're going to give it to him.

Does he live in suitable accommodation?

He is living in the family home, I am with DC at my parents due to his behaviour

Yes probably, but then once he realises the reality he may change his mind.He will have to get your child to and from school, fed, clothe him etc, take time off if the kid is ill will he really do all that?

I think it's outrageous that someone should be able to get 50:50 care when they have no intention of taking care of the child in that time and they haven't ever taken care of them beforehand. How can anyone think that's in the child's best interests? It's all done to avoid paying child support; there's no other reason at all. WTF should his mother be taking care of your child when you could be? How is that the best thing for the child?

My other worry is that he will be awarded a bigger portion of the house than he really should too....the more he has DC, the greater his need

I’m sorry to say but I think your opinion on his contact with the children and what’s in their best interests moving forward with a change in your financial circumstances.

50/50 means he gets more of the house and also that you don’t get child support.

But at the end of the day, if he wants his kids half the time, why is his entitlement to that reduced just because he’s male, you don’t like him anymore, he would use his mother for some childcare or he is self employed? Just because, when you were married, your job made it easier for you to most of the childcare does not mean he forfeits his right to half the time with his kids when the marriage fails.

It actually sounds like he’s willing to make major changes at work to accommodate 50/50 and he’s stepping up

I can assure you, finances have nothing to do with me not being keen on 50/50.

I won't get CMS either way, he doesn't earn enough

Even low earners have to pay CMS, even if it's just a very small amount.

OP says he'll have the support of his mother.

I'd love 50/50.
If the kids were happy with it.
It would make things so much easier in terms of work and having a new relationship but being able to keep it separate from parenting.

Do you think I’m not speaking from experience…Because I am…

If 50:50 then no they don’t, I don’t get any maintenance despite my ex earning nearly 20k more…

He most likely will get 50/50, and should get it.
The arrangements around work and childcare always change after a divorce. He’ll need to change things to accommodate his time with the children, and it’s right that he does.

This is his opportunity to be a proper parent. Hopefully he'll step up. I'd not be keen on week on week off and would suggest a different pattern that does not involve dc going a whole week without seeing a parent.

He is likely to get 50:50, and the fact that he may use his mother for childcare will not go against him in that.

I would counter with a 5:2 proposal for 50:50 rather than one week on one week off. So for eg mon tue with you, we’d thurs with him, fri to sun alternating. That allows you consistent days to plan hobbies for dc, work ect, gives both parents autonomy over clubs and childcare on their days, and doesn’t leave so long between visits for a young child.

I don’t think you can realistically fight 50:50. But you can certainly try for a pattern other than week on/week off. You want to focus on what is best for DC, and having a whole week away from their other parent probably isn’t in their best interest until they are older. Think about what sort of pattern could work for you. I know people who make 2:2:3 work really well.

You should, my husband pays maintenance to his ex despite having 50/50 with his daughter

So am I.

Not necessarily.

Each case is down to individual assessment.