Right I dunno where to even start but I’m shaking and feel like I need to just get it out somewhere cos no one really gets it. My DS is 18 and he’s been off and on with this girl since he was about 14. She’s a bit older (just turned 21 in June) and I’ve never liked her if I’m honest but he’s always gone running back. She’s just bad news and always has been.
He used to be such a good lad when he was younger, bit quiet but sweet. Then she came on the scene and he’s been off the rails ever since. Smoking weed every day near enough, drinking, getting into scraps. He doesn’t even really talk to me anymore and when he does he’s either off his face or shouting. He works as a mechanic (well when he bloody turns up which isn’t often) and still lives with me.
He’s not had the easiest life, I’ve tried my best. His dad’s not really around much and to be honest that’s a blessing cos he’s not a nice bloke, drinks too much and violent. I left him years ago for a reason. But I think my son’s always missed him in some way, even if he won’t say it.
Anyway this girl… god where do I start. She’s always had everything handed to her, her dad buys her anything she wants, she doesn’t work, thinks she’s better than us cos we’re working class. She’s always had something to say about how we live, what we eat, even the bloody telly we’ve got.
She gave birth to their first baby when my DS was just 15, few months off 16. He was still a kid himself. I remember standing there in the hospital feeling like I was in a dream. He didn’t even know how to hold her properly at first. But he tried, I’ll give him that. He really did. I did everything I could too but it’s hard. They broke up and got back together and broke up again and it’s been like that ever since.
This last month though it’s gone proper mad. She told him she was pregnant again and he was actually happy about it. Said he was gonna “do it proper this time” and be a family. I was shocked but said I’d support him whatever. He was walking round with his chest puffed out like he was a proper man now, telling people he was gonna be a dad again.
Then last night it all kicked off. He came in like a tornado, slamming doors, crying (which he never does), rooting through the cupboards looking for booze. Smashed his phone up against the wall. Turns out she LIED about being pregnant. She told him she “thought she’d get pregnant eventually” cos they was having unprotected sex so she thought he’d never know. But the dates wouldn't have added up and she thought he was too thick to work it out.
I don’t even know what’s going on in her head but she’s really twisted. My heart breaks for him even though he’s not easy to live with. He looked so broken last night I didn’t know what to do. We’re not even close anymore, I don’t think he trusts me or anyone.
And now… he’s back with her. After all that. Straight back to her. I wanna shake him. I feel like I’m watching a car crash in slow motion and there’s nothing I can do. He won’t listen to me. I can’t even talk to him without him getting aggressive or walking off.
I don’t know if he’s got ADHD or something, I’ve said it for years. He’s always been a bit wired, always on edge, can’t sit still. But he never got any help in school and now he’s too old to even bother with all that probably.
AIBU to just be absolutely heartbroken and scared for him? I’ve tried everything. I’ve sat him down and talked, shouted, cried, even begged. I love him but he’s not the boy I raised and I’m scared one day something bad’s gonna happen and I’ll be getting a knock on the door.
Sorry it’s long and all over the place but I just needed to get it out.