To accept better paid job that’s 3 hours away and requires 3 days in the office/week

[Isitworthitornot]

TLDR: Offered a much more senior role with 50 percent more pay, but it’s three hours away and would mean staying over two nights a week and giving up my current lifestyle. Can’t relocate because of my wife’s job. Tempted but leaning no. AIBU?

Hi. I’m in a senior role and earn a good salary that lets me live comfortably. I don’t care for luxury though. I’m happiest spending time with my pet and reading a good book. I currently work from home. So the dilemma is that I’ve been approached by another company in the same industry for a more senior role. Think a step up from associate director to senior director, with around 50 percent more total compensation. On paper, it sounds quite exciting but the catch is that the role requires 3 days/week in the office, and that’s non negotiable. The office is three hours away and I can’t really relocate with my wife (I’m a woman) because she works locally and moving just isn’t an option for her for the next several years. So I’d have to travel weekly and likely stay over two nights, plus start really early on the first day to be in the office for 9 am. I would miss my pet. I also have a hobby/sport I do twice a week plus every other weekend that would probably have to go, or at least be scaled back a lot. Eg because weekend would get eaten up by recovery and prep, I couldn’t go to games away etc.

So AIBU to turn it down? It’s probably great for my career, but realistically the cost of travel and hotels would eat into the extra money, at least for a while. My wife says she’s happy for me to move there for a couple of years by myself if I really want to take it and that we make it work, but I’m just not sure it’s worth the personal cost. TIA

Edited to add I’m 38.

Don't do it. That's a completely different life you're signing up to which sounds much worse than your current situation.

I am the same age as you. For some people it would work. You say you have a lovely life that makes you content. Even with a 50% increase once you factor travel, tax and somewhere to stay its probably not really that much

Tbh I'd only consider it if it meant in two years time if doing that job I'd get the mortgage paid off, pension is happy and I could look to early retirement. However I couldn't do that at 38.

DH once looked into an offer that was promising on paper, but worked out that to move from our cheaper than average region to the home counties would take 50% more salary to break even and maintain quality of life.

DF had a phase (through necessity) of working away and coming home for weekends and I wouldn't rush to repeat that unless it was essential.

It sounds like your're comfortable as you are and this change wouldn't enhance your quality of life.

50% more money but all those extra costs would be a no from me, what is money if you can’t enjoy life! There are circumstances where it would be a go for it eg if it was only a few months until you could relocate together but years, no way. I’d also say if you were struggling financially it might be a case of pain now for future security but it sounds like that’s not the case, she’s a surgeon and having a home based partner will make her life less stressful, such an important job surgeon

I’d turn it down.

You have a good job already, your DW is working, you have a pet and hobbies and a nice life. And as an associate director your pay is probably good already.

I’m a year older than you and at our age I think work- life balance is more important.

Well done on being head hunted though! Always nice to be asked.

A couple of people asked why we do not have a house yet. Both of us pursued higher degrees, and our stipends were modest to say the least. We are based in the SE because of DW’s job, and although we are now in the process of applying for a mortgage, saving for a deposit without family support has taken us a long time. For a while, DW had to move to the other side of the country, so we were also covering two rents and other related costs.

I have now politely declined the offer and have no regrets. Thank you again for your input. While it felt nice they wanted me, I also suspect I was approached so directly because of low interest in the role, likely due to its location and office requirements.

Wishing you all a lovely weekend!

Well done, OP!

Sounds the best decision. Enjoy your weekend, and hope the house hunt goes well :)

It's nice to hear your update. All the best, sometimes it's hard to know what to do. You sound like you have a lovely life, enjoy it and your little furball (cats are the best).