Sister jealous of our lifestyle

[its5oclocksomewheresurely]

Me and DH had our kids quite young - in our 20's. We are now mid 50's, and of course, they have left home. My sister decided to put her career first, and had very glamorous jobs that included world wide travel. She did this for about 20 years, before returning to the UK.

She is now married with 3 small children. Even though there's only 18 months between us, obviously our lifestyles are vastly different, as she has kids in primary school, but DH and I are now enjoying a lifestyle with not much responsibility, and we do enjoy travelling and eating out.

She is very annoyed by the disparity it would seem, and if we go on a trip, she will never ask how it was, and will boycott any FB posts (we don't post a lot, maybe a few pics). She would never say "how was your holiday?" and if it's mentioned in passing she will say "Hmm" with a cross expression.

I feel like reminding her, that whilst she was globe trotting, we were raising small kids and everything that goes along with it! It's not my fault that she decided to do it all 20 years later than me!

Rant over!

I would remind her the next time she does something like that. This is why I had my kids young too - I have friends having newborns and whining that its not fair I dont have that responsibility and can do more things but its like hello I already did my part

I get why you're annoyed, but I'd let it go.

Swings and roundabouts isn't it.... but I love my sisters and they're decent people so if I got that reaction I would worry they were struggling or depressed and would want to help them or at least talk about it calmly.

Look wistful and say I remember how it was for me...

Ah I wouldn’t give a shit about it or let it get to me.

Why do you care?

My sister is nice to my face but will move my DC’s pics to the back of the photo table at my DM’s house. Make little digs about my DC moving out whilst young when hers are still at home in their 30’s. I just laugh about it.

Her opinion and views on my life are none of my business.

She probably enjoyed feeling superior about her lifestyle and has got used to that. Now you're doing more fun stuff than her she can't cope.
I've got a friend whose life is better in most ways. I'm a single widowed parent, she's a married parent. Her house is much bigger, job better, she and her dh went to much better unis and were always proud of that and displayed their certificates prominently. I was always fine with it but when my dd got into a good uni she could barely hide her fury. 😕
It made me wonder if our friendship was dependent on her feeling superior in every way.

Is she doing something else other than not asking about holidays? That alone doesn't seem like much to be bothered about, if you otherwise have a good relationship.

A lack of interest in your travels is not the same as jealousy.

Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. Your examples of her behaviour don't immediately lead me to think jealousy. Maybe she's busy, pre-occupied or whatever and just isn't that interested in hearing about or seeing pics of your holiday.

Also, as she has had many years of worldwide travel herself perhaps she just finds your holiday talk a bit dull.

Being a bit cynical here but is there a chance you were jealous of her career and travel lifestyle while you were bogged down with children and were somewhat looking forward to the day the shoe would be on other foot and are now perhaps projecting feelings of jealousy on her which may exist in your imagination only?

Someone saying "mmm" when a holiday is mentioned indicates boredom rather than jealousy to me.

Yes, this was what I thought, too. I mean, did you ask her about her travels every time she was away in the past, OP? And post admiring comments if she posted on SM?

She’s doing life with small children now, and that’s consuming her. It doesn’t mean she’s jealous — I did the travel and living overseas stuff till I turned 40, when I moved back to the UK and had DS, so many of my old friends now have children long flown the nest, while I still have a young teenager at home. I’m not jealous in the slightest. The nice thing about having children later is that you’ve already had a lot of fun, so it’s no particular hardship to change focus for a while.

How did you act with her when the roles were reversed. Is it possible she felt you didn't give a shit when she was doing things.and has decided to treat you the same

Maybe she is just a bit busy with her small kids and young family to ask you about your holidays or comment on all your posts? If someone really has a beef with you for whatever reason they will usually not leave you in any doubt of the fact so if I were you I'd just focus on my own life and stop worrying about what she may or may not be thinking.

When my children were small social media didn’t exist, but even if it had I would have been too knackered to post anything and I only had two children not three.

We once had a comment from BIL about how privileged we are to be able to do something, just the two of us, on a regular basis at weekends. I kindly reminded him that we’d done our time of ferrying small people around.

Yep, had our kids in our 20s and were free by the time we were both 46.
That's why you start a family when you're young.
Your DS is BU.

I would remind her the next time she does something like that.

What has she done, though? She hasn’t actually done anything at all, as far as I can see - she just isn’t getting all effusive about OP’s travels. As for “boycotting” her Facebook posts, that seems a rather dramatic term to describe not posting replies or likes. My Facebook feed is so clogged with ads these days that I wonder if it’s broken if I actually see a post from a friend.

She probably IS a bit jealous that her life isn’t like this anymore. It’s hardly a crime. OP was probably a bit jealous of her sister’s freedom when she was busy bringing up children. As long as OP’s sister isn’t judging or criticising her, what does it matter?

She was silly to have 3 children after she had the life she had in her 20s and 30s. My friends and I are all very much like your sister - we’re in our mid to late 30s and life is honestly so fantastic (sorry to humble brag). About half of us will remain child-free and the other half plan to go down the baby route BUT only have one child. To try and preserve as much of our fabulous life as possible.

So yeah, she shouldn’t have had 3 kids, it seems.

In any case, ignore her and carry on enjoying your 50s.

I think they other peoples holidays are, like other peoples dreams, fundamentally boring unless you have a particular interest in the destination!

This. My mum has not yet enquired about a week in New York I had five months ago. Not even to ask her granddaughter if she had a nice holiday . She’s not jealous just totally self absorbed and not very good at doing social niceties.

@its5oclocksomewheresurely jealous much????? lol not your problem!

It sounds like your sister led a fabulous life while she was young - exactly the time to have fun. I doubt she's jealous, more she's just not interested because she's seen and done it all already and has now moved on to the next phase of a busy, fulfilling life.

OP says she only mentioned the holiday in passing and her sister said "Hmm" with a cross expression on her face. That's not a normal reaction. If OP had been talking about it for ages maybe

This is far better than pretending to take interest. DM hit me with “how’s your new job” on the phone a while back, and I kid you not I was mid-first-sentence before she said “okay I have to go now”. 😂😂

Give me completely uninterested any day!

Are you sure she's jealous??