Sister jealous of our lifestyle

[its5oclocksomewheresurely]

Me and DH had our kids quite young - in our 20's. We are now mid 50's, and of course, they have left home. My sister decided to put her career first, and had very glamorous jobs that included world wide travel. She did this for about 20 years, before returning to the UK.

She is now married with 3 small children. Even though there's only 18 months between us, obviously our lifestyles are vastly different, as she has kids in primary school, but DH and I are now enjoying a lifestyle with not much responsibility, and we do enjoy travelling and eating out.

She is very annoyed by the disparity it would seem, and if we go on a trip, she will never ask how it was, and will boycott any FB posts (we don't post a lot, maybe a few pics). She would never say "how was your holiday?" and if it's mentioned in passing she will say "Hmm" with a cross expression.

I feel like reminding her, that whilst she was globe trotting, we were raising small kids and everything that goes along with it! It's not my fault that she decided to do it all 20 years later than me!

Rant over!

I’d be jealous too of your lifestyle if I was early/ mid 50’s with primary school children and my slightly older sister had grown up kids and loads of free time and travel. She made her choices though and she had 3 kids.

But it’s impolite to show zero interest even if you’ve been there, done that. We wouldn’t be best pleased if people poo-poo’d our joy and excitement at our new baby because they’d “been there done that”, so why are we supposed to just accept it for other life goals such as travel? I’m the most well-travelled person I know, but I still listened and showed interest when DNephew excitedly told me about his first trip to Paris, even though I’ve been there at least 10 times.

She's probably exhausted. Remember that feeling when they were little and you felt like anything could go wrong at any second? It's tough. Draining.

We are at that free stage and SIL has a little one still, plus an older one. Don't think she's really thinking too hard about what we are doing, she's got all her energy focused on her own.

Maybe she has a bit of 'been there. done that' attitude? I've had similar trajectory to your sister and travel talk just bores me now.

I also have a friend who, only once my life changed quite a lot, became very difficult with me.

My husband and I realised that our relationship had benefitted her because she felt we were similar yet she was superior. Once the dynamic changed she couldnt cope with that!

This.

Not commenting on fb or asking after your holidays is hardly representative of seething envy.

I completely agree that her behaviour is rude (if she's aware of what she's doing) but that's very different to jealousy.

Maybe she thinks you're showing off and is just bored of hearing about your holidays? Some people are quite annoying posting photos constantly of holidays and it feels like bragging at a point, it's not that interesting to other people.

All she's done is - not comment on Facebook posts, and not talk about it. She's your sister, so I'd just accept she doesn't want to talk about holidays with you. If she is in a tougher season of life and feeling a bit jealous, it's not very kind to rub it in her face.

Even if she is feeling tired and knackered with her children it's just basic manners and what makes the world go by ,asking if you had a lovely time.

I don’t really get this…are you sure she is jealous? She had a fabulous, glamorous life with lots of travelling when younger and now has 3 kids. I did fairly similar (but infertility and one child)
I’m really glad I had my travelling days when younger and the lack of responsibility and the fun that came with that freedom. I’m more cautious now, not that bothered about travelling as have travelled the world and lived abroad etc and now love just being with my Dd and being calmer (i’m mid 40’s ) i’m guessing if she’s done all that and did it while young and with energy, she might not actually be jealous??

Wow that is really shit of your sister. Moving your DC’s pics to the back?! Wtf

I don't think not looking photos or asking about holidays is the worse thing. How else does she show her annoyance?

Hit her where it hurts and ignore posts about her kids and pictures of her kids.

I wonder if it’s disapproval or uninterest/trying to keep tabs on her kids.

I had my kids aged 26-30. Even now at 38 I’d be too old (for me, not others) so no idea how older mums keep the energy levels up.

Out of interest, when your kids were small did you get support from your parents/extended family? Financial or childcare? And does she?

She does it every time she visits my mum. My mum gets so angry and upset and I try to tell her to let it go but she’s easily upset about things nowadays. My mum was ranting about her even moving her photo book, my DN is one one page and my DS on the other, so she moves it over so my DS is covered by the table leg 😂.

My mum says it’s all jealousy, my DC find it hilarious.

She’s not obliged to look at your facebook pics. I think she’s sensible to avoid doing so if she knows it will make her feel bad about what she’s currently missing. What good would that do anyone? Do you want her to feel bad? Why don’t you focus on the nice holiday that you had, rather than whether or not she is liking your facebook posts? Unless the point of the holiday from your perspective was to make her feel envious? If not, why does it matter whether she looks at the posts or not?

I had a friend who got very upset when she put a bit of weight on and weighed more than me! I think she enjoyed her role as the slim pretty one.