Going out while potty training

[peggysue32]

Ive been potty training my 3.5 year old this week after one failed attempt just after she turned 3. So far, so good. Lots of successful wees and poos on the toilet but a few accidents too.

If she is busy with something or not physically near the toilet she seems to forget and will have an accident. I don’t think she’s quite grasped knowing when a wee is coming and telling us she needs the toilet just yet which is normal at this stage. Lots of her wees happen after she’s been coaxed into sitting on the potty and when she’s been on it a while.

Anyway because of this we haven’t done much this week. A few short walks but haven’t gone too far from home. I’m starting to get cabin fever and would like to take all my dc to a holiday activity at our local library today. I’m just worried about accidents while we’re out. Of course I’ll take spare clothes but it’s still not nice, and I don’t feel like a library is the type of place where I can whip a potty out for her to use either.

Did you go out much during the first few days of potty training? I don’t want the confusion of going back to pull ups, but really do need to get out.

Op we have gone through these same feelings. It’s horrible the thought but I think that’s us viewing it as an adult, the little ones don’t really care and just move on with their day. We are 4m in and still having accidents, I’ve got a friend who’s 4 year old has been potty trained 2 years and he still occasionally has an accident. I think it’s just part of the process sadly. By far the worst part of parenting for us so far to be honest! In terms of days out, we just take DD every time we go (and obviously if she asks) so there is ample opportunity. Advice we got was also take them every time you go so they have the inconvenience of going so may as well go while they are there, allegedly it avoids them refusing to go because they’re having a good time playing or whatever. Good luck, it’s a slog!

ETA - just seen your updates. We started this attempt when DD was 3.5 too. It’s our 3rd attempt and like you, it was previously distressing for her. What we have learnt this time is perseverance is key as it’s confusing for them to try & then stop etc. We are all just learning though and I think it’s more common than people realise. It’s just no one is ever open about it because of how vile people can be 👀

Zero support system and a full time job plus two other kids! But I know now I should have probably persevered with our first two attempts. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Tomee tippee porta pottet are brilliant they unfold child wees in a disposal bag and it's binned in a nappy bin....great after potty training for sickness or stuck in traffic too.
You can get traditional training pants that hold most of the wee good for the early days.
She should be able to hold a wee for over an hour so going out after the first few days shouldn't be too bad....most libraries have toilets.

Don't stress. If you go somewhere where an accident would be really inconvenient, put a pull-up on over her pants.

I know people say don't worry about accidents, but you really can't have them weeing on train or bus seats, or in the library.

We started potty training Xmas Eve and we had to go out to in-laws the next day! Just take a load of spare clothes and a potty and you’ll be fine!

I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for all the unhelpful comments. Every child is different and gets things at different times. It can be a really stressful time but, with no judgement as it is so much easier said than done, try to relax a bit as DD might be picking upon it. She will get there. I was starting to worry a bit about my eldest as we had tried a bit but he wasnt really getting the feeling. We read an Usborne book about pottys/toilets a lot and had a potty in each bathroom, which we encouraged him to use. In the end, when he was about 3 and a half, we had to quarantine as we had covid. He took all his clothes off and spent 3 days completely naked. He used the potty every time with no accidents. By day 2 he refused nighttime nappy and was dry through the night, much to our surprise! He has since had the odd accident as he was so absorbed in play that he forgot but he's never been that upset about it and we've not made a fuss about it, just helped him to change clothes. But ultimately, as I said before, each child is unique. Some can swim before they can walk, some walk at 10 months and others at 18 months or more. The range for the age at which they are ready to hit all these milestones is wide.
It's up to you about going out. Outdoor spaces are probably better and having her in a skirt or dress so fewer clothes to change. She will get it. Good luck!

If OP’s DD is 3.5 she is not in school until September 2026 so loads of time.

"I feel that by 3.5 she should really be picking this up quicker"

This mindset is probably contributing to a lot of the stress. Might be worth reflecting on

Well done for waiting until she's ready, but am wondering if those 6 month gaps are maybe part of the problem

Nothing wrong with waiting until they're ready, but six months is a long time to wait between attempts

I'm no expert but this worked with both my boys and they had very few accidents- one just before 3 and one at just over 2. Not sure if this is a specific method!

Also to add we read books before starting training and took them to the shops to choose their undies.

We waited for a bank hol when neither of us were working and just didn't leave the house for 3-4 days.

Day 1 they were bottomless, bare bum all day. Had a timer for around 30 mins to start with and when it went off we would go to the potty and press the hooray button on the pirate pete potty book we had read ahead of training. As the day went on we would add 10 mins to the timer here or there, if there was an accident in that time we would reduce the timer back.

Day 2 as day 1 they were bare bottoms and just continued building time/ recognising their patterns, towards the end of day 2 or start of day 3 depending on how they were getting on we put them in shorts but with no undies.

Day 3 shorts with no undies and less with the timer just prompts.

Day 4 mostly as day 3 but shorts with undies and reminding them. Took a little while for them to say when they needed to go but by this point they were fine for 1.5/2 hours and held it until we went/ took them to try.

We did get a carry potty, you can get them cheap on fb market place but only used it for the first couple of months as meant not worrying about finding a toilet if the urge took.

Hope that helps!

To update, the past two days have been much better. She hasn’t had any accidents at home and is taking herself to the potty. Struggling a bit with getting her own clothing down but is definitely getting the hang of knowing when she needs to go and understanding it needs to be on the potty.

Going out is harder. We have a travel potty which she loves but still doesn’t like to use it in public which means she is either withholding or having accidents. We haven’t been far at all since last week but I realise now that she’s needed that time at home to get comfortable with it and gradually we can hopefully get her using it a bit more on the go.

At the start of the week I think I was probably expecting a bit much. Lowering my expectations, accepting that we need to stay home and just being a bit more patient has definitely helped.

Great progress OP.....keep going : )

Bit late to the party but my health visitor told me to try pants on and a pull up over the top for outings. Each to their own but it worked for us. She knew when she had had an accident as she was ‘wet’ but the clean up was easy and didn’t make me feel like staying indoors for a week. We did it for her weekly gymnastics session for 5-6 weeks and it never confused her, just stopped one day and told her.

ps you are not late potty training. Does anyone ask you when you stopped wearing nappies?! Honestly some people!

Thank you. I think I probably am quite late in comparison to other people we know but it’s not like we haven’t tried prior to this. And actually I think being that bit older has made her more capable of understanding quicker (despite my original concerns when we first started out).

I had to laugh at the poster who said she starts school soon 😂 I’m confident we’ll crack it in the year and 2 months we’ve got before then, hon.

Solidarity, OP!

I started potty training my daughter at the weekend and I forgot how stressful it can be! My husband was at work so I was juggling three children aged 4 and under whilst on wee alert. 😂 But she has been curious about the potty and using it before bathtime for the last month or so, and then basically just refused to wear a nappy from Saturday morning. Epic timing.

We have a hideous carry potty so we have taken it with us on some low key outings (local cafe, park - places where I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable whipping it out) as I can’t bear to stay indoors for more than a day. I definitely remember my older son having the odd accident in the early days when we were out and about but they mainly went on his clothes, so it wasn’t too much of an issue as I always took a few outfit changes.

Sounds like you and your daughter are both doing really well! Hope it continues - but also, I wouldn’t worry too much about ann occasional accident. Eldest mainly potty trained without any issues (maybe two weeks accidents in the three day bank holiday weekend when we tackled it), yet he still has the odd accident when he’s very busy or engrossed in something else.

It was done and dusted in a week for both, but as you say once they need to go they need to go NOW. So if we dye venture out I’d check out where the toilets were and ask in accession if they needed to go. My son had one wee accident, but I also had to have him wee outside more than once (into the gutter or behind a bush). More complicated with girls, but she had an iron bladder so it was more an issue of getting her to wee at all - many times she went to school not having gone (checked either GP and they said that was not unusual with girls).
Alwsys bring a spare set of clothing. And look for the signs!

It took a good 9 months here before I could relax, especially if out . She does still have occasional accidents, I just care less now. We have a potty but have put her on the toilet from start. The potty is more for emergencies and journeys. It feels like maybe going straight for the toilet will make it easier in the long run. My daughter will go on any toilet anywhere now.