Going out while potty training

[peggysue32]

Ive been potty training my 3.5 year old this week after one failed attempt just after she turned 3. So far, so good. Lots of successful wees and poos on the toilet but a few accidents too.

If she is busy with something or not physically near the toilet she seems to forget and will have an accident. I don’t think she’s quite grasped knowing when a wee is coming and telling us she needs the toilet just yet which is normal at this stage. Lots of her wees happen after she’s been coaxed into sitting on the potty and when she’s been on it a while.

Anyway because of this we haven’t done much this week. A few short walks but haven’t gone too far from home. I’m starting to get cabin fever and would like to take all my dc to a holiday activity at our local library today. I’m just worried about accidents while we’re out. Of course I’ll take spare clothes but it’s still not nice, and I don’t feel like a library is the type of place where I can whip a potty out for her to use either.

Did you go out much during the first few days of potty training? I don’t want the confusion of going back to pull ups, but really do need to get out.

There's a great book called 'oh crap potty training' which is the method we used and i would swear by. 2/3 days of watching them like hawks at home while they were naked waist down. They need to learn the sensation of needing a wee....you will see cues before they're about to go then you put them on the toilet /you have to do it in shifts as you can't take eyes off them. We then graduated to dresses and no nappies or underwear to go out of the house so they can feel when they begin to wet themselves. I may have been lucky but both mine (girls) trained in under 3 days age 2y like this with very few accidents afterwards...putting nappies /pads on etc can be very confusing....you do go a bit stir crazy stuck in the house but for a couple of days it's worth it.

I know it’s hard but I think you need to just chill out a bit about the prospect of her having accidents. It’s really not a big deal. Take a carry potty but also spare clothes with you, if she has an accident it’s just a quick wipe up and change, move on. It’s not something to have a big worry about. Despite all the people who’ll tell you their DC trained in 3 days and never had an accident, statistically 8-9 months is the average for a child to be properly trained and not having some accidents. You do need to let her feel full and what that sensation feels like. A few accidents do help them learn what their body is doing.

We potty trained 2.5 year old DC recently.
Potty in living room so it's in sight as a reminder.
We didn't go out much for a week or so, apart from 2 activities we do every week .
On the first few days we asked regularly if he wanted to sit on the potty. After that we tried to follow his lead.
Controversial perhaps but we had to do it then due to annual leave and felt strongly he should be using loo and potty before 3, so there was no "oh is he ready". It's something he needed to learn - the sensation of needing to wee or poo and so we kept going and 6 weeks on we have very few accidents.

I did the oh crap method. Eldest took 3 days over a bank holiday weekend and started when she was 2.5yrs old as her sister was sleeping through finally and I felt awake enough to give it a go! 1st day she refused to sit on the toilet so had to pretty much force her to sit on it then when she realised it was safe I gave her a reward every time she managed to wee or poop on it. The same with the normal toilet took her a day or two to be convinced it was safe. She still has her first wee on the potty dragon teddy.

My youngest was ready at 22months as she could speak so well. She had no clue at first, but by the end of the day she had managed one wee and poop herself and then she was completely dry for her nap which I used a nappy and overnight and then the next day she didn’t have a single accident. She’s definitely not normal though!

Both would occasionally have accidents but I always took a potty out for a month or so after for emergencies and we even now still go for a wee before we leave to go somewhere.

They need to recognise the need to pee themselves and take themselves to the toilet. Otherwise you're still carrying the mental load for them. I also swear by the OH Crap book.

At 3.5 years old they should be able to understand that this is what needs to happen, and it is also ok to be a bit firm about the fact that they need to use the toilet and not wet themselves. I'd even skip the potty, go straight to the toilet.

I wouldn't be sitting them down on the toilet, it needs to be self-initiated. I know you're a bit further down the line now but it may be worth taking a step back and working on recognition of the need to go first, and taking short walks around the block to build up confidence in leaving the home. Good luck... ultimately it's a journey and not really complete until they confidently wipe their own bums 😂

I agree that 3.5 is on the later side. My DS was fully dry by 3, and I just got my DD2 fully potty trained by 2.5.

With both my DC, we carried a potty around for about 6 months. Super annoying and means that you can’t go very far. At some point, they would sit on a public toilet seat, with me holding them so they didn’t fall in.

Both my DC had a few accidents in public. Just always have a change of clothes, and if it happens in a shop, apologise profusely, offer to mop it up, and buy something in the shop.

I took time off work to potty train them. Mine never just ‘got it’, it was definitely something they needed to be taught to do.

Good luck!

@peggysue32 to be honest, when you are trying to potty train it is better not to go out at all, whether or not your are suffering from cabin fever!!

I swear by the’ Oh Crap’ book too.

The ‘Oh Crap’ authors do video consultations. I did one for my DS when he was having trouble pooing in the potty. Best $US35 I ever spent.

100%. Three and a half is very late to start potty training

I had a potty in the car. A regular potty not a carry one, with disinfectant wipes, kitchen roll (to go in the bottom) and nappy bags. I used reusable training pants, not enough to keep them dry but enough for it not to make a mess.

Well done OP you & DD are doing really well!

DD knows when she has urinated.....the next stage is her recognising the feeling that she needs to go & managing to get to the potty/toilet in time. At the moment she thinks she has done something wrong in wetting herself "oh no I've done something wrong". An encouraging response could be " it's ok let's see if you can do it in the potty next time". The small treats you are giving are perfect along with smiles & clapping if you are not doing so already.

Taking a potty out with you is a good idea, use it in the car, behind a tree in the park or in a disabled toilet elsewhere. If there's no toilet or bush to empty it in tip it into a bag lined with tissues & dispose when you get home.

I always put children in pants/knickers never without. If you have other children, life goes on so you cannot necessarily stay at home for a week unless she is your first child.

I used pull ups if we were going on long drives, school run with older children or full day activities & still regularly put them on the potty (just pull the pull ups up & down). Occasional pull ups did not hinder the process.

My first born was 'dry' during the day by 2yrs but still wet at night until 7 yrs. My twins were not ready at age 2 so I waited until they were 3 & it was much easier & they were dry at night shortly after.
As a qualified nursery nurse I have toilet trained approx 50 children including my own. They are all different regardless of age/sex. Children with additional needs can sometimes take longer.

From your posts it sounds like things are progressing. Try not to worry about what other people think when you are out & about. Consistency, praise & staying calm are important.

Keep going OP, you & DD are doing well : )

I think this notion that kids will think "yep i need the loo" and just stop playing and take themselves unaided and unprompted, is the biggest cause of later and later potty training.

Kids basically need reminding... often until they are about 7!

Before/after. You train them to consider going at convenient times in the day - don't let them learn to only go when they feel urgency, thats not what we actually do as adults? We go when its convenient, when there's a loo near by. Its not often when we are desperate. We go in the interval of the show, before the dinner, after the tv program ends, before the meeting.

So you prompt. Before breakfast, after the activity, before getting in the car, after bath etc etc.

Keep going! Get a little step toilet seat thingy that goes over the toilet at home, they are really good, 5 yo DD still uses it. And you can get a travel potty that uses bags but also folds out to go over a toilet when you're out & about. Oxo tot I think.

It will all click at some point! Good luck.

Definitely quite late at 3.5. Did both of mine around 2nd birthday. And that was recently. My mum did my siblings and i between 18m & 2 - everyone did. Mum said you basically started when a child was walking consistently and starting to say a few words so you could teach "wee", "poo", "yes", "no" etc.

Toilet when she gets up, before you leave the house and take her to the the loo when you are at your destination before you come home. I think I used to do after meals too. I used to use pull ups when we were out and a foldable potty. Definitely didn't stay at home or is have gone stir crazy.

We stayed home until she really got it.

Some of the replies on here are really unhelpful. Of course if you trained your child early and within 3 days then the OP sounds mad/lazy etc, but we don’t know the full context and also, potty training can be really tough. My DD is incredibly bright and articulate but even 18 months in we are still struggling. We’ve tried everything possible but still face setbacks every few months, largely linked to when she is struggling with change. She’s still not dry at night. I’ve dealt with accidents out and about so many times, sought help from the HV and ERIC and still feel crap and like I’ve done something wrong when I read posts from people for berating people for leaving it too late or not having it nailed in 3 days. What actually helps both my DD and me is kindness and compassion. Your DD will get there but like everything, all little people achieve things at different times. I really wish people would remember that and actually tried to support each other more. OP, please go out with your DD and try not to worry about what others might think and just focus on supporting your little girl through the process.

You've left it a bit late to start, but you have to persevere and not allow her to go back to pull-ups or nappies - modern disposables are very good at stopping children feeling wet immediately.

At 3.5 you could just try with a kids toilet seat and just take that with you? Easier than a potty.
I would put mine in pull ups if it mattered if they had an accident eg long car journeys or round other peoples houses. I didn’t want to get a potty out anywhere other than toilets though, so never did that
They trained fine. No confusion with pull ups despite all the warnings

To those saying it’s late, I realise that. We have had a few attempts - one when she was about 2.5, another when she just turned 3. Both times it was hellish and she was very distressed so I parked it. I wanted to wait until she was ready and didn’t want her to associate it with being upset.

I (perhaps naively) thought when she was a bit older she’d grasp it quicker. But it hasn’t happened and we are still having a lot of accidents. She does ask to go, sometimes repeatedly but then doesn’t do anything. Almost like stage fright. But then she’ll wet herself. Im really really struggling now.

I appreciate the useful advice - the ‘you’ve left it very late’ ones are not at all helpful.

Do you struggle with reading comprehension? I said we’d tried when she was younger. She was distressed and perhaps I should have forced it but I didn’t want her to associate the potty with stress and upset.

Im neither weird or lazy but you sound deeply unpleasant.

Thank you for this. And thank you also @BakedBeansMum- I know this is Aibu but I’m a bit shocked at how needlessly cruel some people can be. Some aspects of parenting are tougher than others and this is one I’m struggling with. But I will persist of course, I made the mistake of packing it in last time because she was upset about it but at this age I realise it has to be done one way or another.

She does understand to a point and we will keep supporting and reinforcing successes.

I agree, some posters are unhelpful/unkind.

Yes, toilet training a 3.5 yr old may be considered a bit late (unless they have particular additional needs) but it's unhelpful & judgy to state that now, particularly when we do not know the context of OP's support system, the age of her other children etc.

OP - keep going, you & DD are doing well!

Pull ups never confused my children. But they gave me piece of mind when driving and also having a newborn to deal with.