Page 3 | AIBU for wanting DD to sleep with us

LifesAContradiction · 2025-07-25T02:21:41+00:00

Moving in with in family. There’s a spare bedroom downstairs and one upstairs. AIBU for wanting to keep 4 year old DD with me in one room (with my DH and baby DD2) as opposed to upstairs in the room on her own while the 3 of us are downstairs? Other family members would be in surrounding rooms, that’s not the issue. We would also be quite cramped sleeping together. The issue is that I don’t want to be on a different floor. It feels too far away! Is this a mum thing or AIBU? We are close, we coslept for 2 years and I’ve always tried to be emotionally attuned to her. And please don’t say “what about when she takes an attic room and you’ll be on the floor below” - it’s not the same thing. She wouldn’t be four years old. She’d be a lot older. And we may be staying with the family for years.

Gumbo · 26/07/2025 10:51

ForZanyAquaViewer · 26/07/2025 10:28

As already stated, I was responding to your assertion that your child was on a separate floor from a few weeks old, and your dismissal of anyone not wanting to do this as MN ridiculousness about kidnappers and fires.

I’m not talking about the OP, I’m talking about you. It’s not ‘only on MN’, you were in contravention of NHS guidance. Your awareness of said guidance does not change that, it just makes it worse.

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The reason I'm not obsessing about NHS guidance is because I don't want to derail a thread where the OP was very specifically asking about a 4 year old, so I won't be engaging further in your attempts to derail it as I can't see how that would help the OP🙂

ForZanyAquaViewer · 26/07/2025 11:06

Gumbo · 26/07/2025 10:51

The reason I'm not obsessing about NHS guidance is because I don't want to derail a thread where the OP was very specifically asking about a 4 year old, so I won't be engaging further in your attempts to derail it as I can't see how that would help the OP🙂

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If you hadn’t brought up your newborn sleeping on another floor (with the added ‘only on MN’ sneering), this discussion wouldn’t be happening.

Pointing out that you were in contravention of NHS guidance isn’t obsessing, it’s stating fact. It also indicates that you’re not someone from whom OP should take advice, which I think is extremely helpful.

My point has been made, so do please feel free to stop engaging. 🙂

T1Dmama · 26/07/2025 13:08

ForZanyAquaViewer · 25/07/2025 03:26

Why would this be unreasonable? If you want your child in a room with you, have her in a room with you.

Personally, I’d split it so it was one parent + one child per room, but that’s just my preference.

And please don’t say “what about when she takes an attic room and you’ll be on the floor below”

Not sure what that bit is about, tbh.

I’m confused too… what’s an attic room?

T1Dmama · 26/07/2025 13:14

LifesAContradiction · 25/07/2025 03:31

This is actually a good idea! Don’t know how I didn’t think of that lol.

And the attic example was because DH said it to me and it made me feel like some overly attached emotional weirdo for not wanting her on a different floor. His point was, she’d be on a different floor if she took the attic room when she’s older. My counter point was that wouldn’t be happening when she’s this young.

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I don’t know
who you’re moving in with… but can you not suggest that rooms are rearranged so that DD of 4 can come and find you in the night if she’s unwell/has a nightmare or whatever rather than needing to navigate stairs in the night or being shut away from you by a stair gate….. dress it up as it would be better for them than her going in and disturbing them in the night because she can’t get to you?? Surely someone will see that it makes sense for the 4 of you to be on the same floor, especially if this is a long term arrangement.
the person moving rooms needs to make the downstairs room their room asap prior to you moving in.

T1Dmama · 26/07/2025 13:17

especially as she’ll be starting be school
soon and picking up all sorts of virus’s and stomach bugs!
Christ I remember that first year or two….. I was in and out of her room like a yo-yo some nights, slept on her floor others!

diterictur · 26/07/2025 13:20

T1Dmama · 26/07/2025 13:14

I don’t know
who you’re moving in with… but can you not suggest that rooms are rearranged so that DD of 4 can come and find you in the night if she’s unwell/has a nightmare or whatever rather than needing to navigate stairs in the night or being shut away from you by a stair gate….. dress it up as it would be better for them than her going in and disturbing them in the night because she can’t get to you?? Surely someone will see that it makes sense for the 4 of you to be on the same floor, especially if this is a long term arrangement.
the person moving rooms needs to make the downstairs room their room asap prior to you moving in.

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You could ask.. but many people doing family members a favour and having young children move in with them, might think it was just a bit cheeky to be asked to change bedrooms and move all their things because the OP is clingy.

angela1952 · 26/07/2025 15:04

It won't be long before you can present the upstairs room as a special room for her to move into. I'm assuming that the room on the lower floor the largest one?

vickylou78 · 27/07/2025 11:46

Why wouldn't you have the two children in together in the room upstairs and you and your husband downstairs in the other room? And Have a monitor on so you can always hear them?

ponyprincess · 27/07/2025 13:17

How does the 4 year old feel about it?

If they need you they can find you, ir are there other issues?

Jumpthewaves · 27/07/2025 13:27

I think 4 is too old to be crammed in to the one room, especially if it could be for years. Give her the upstairs, eventually to be shared with younger sibling. Get a baby monitor camera so you can easily know they're fine.

Hankunamatata · 27/07/2025 13:28

Put a baby monitor in her room if your that worried. Yes way to squished all on one room especially if its long term

EagerLemur · 22/12/2025 10:14

2 way Baby monitor with screen/camera, at 4 year old in own room. Not healthy making a 4 year old sleep with parents, mentally to develop, when baby is 2 baby should share with sister, my 4 year old just got her own room, so glad she's not at the bottom of my bed any more, really wish we'd been able to do it sooner, my 1st dd got her own room at 2 and son since he was born

Carycach4 · 22/12/2025 12:00

How is moving a 4 year old, who has been sleeping independently for 2 years, back in with mum prioritising her well being? It sounds like a retrogressive step to me! You need to stop thinking of her as a baby/toddler op!

MerryAndBrightLaLaLa · 22/12/2025 12:02

I’m confused. Why will you be staying for years?!