Unisex toilets in new office - dread going into work

[SocialMol]

The company I work for moved to a new office a few weeks ago. It is brand new and shared 50/50 with another company. We have our own side of the floor, key card protected so completely separate.

However, the toilets are in the middle of the block so are shared with the other company. These are unisex - several cubicles with shared area for sinks/dryers etc.

The other company is a sales one (they run a call centre there) and the demographic of their workforce is mainly young men in their 20’s.

There have been several instances of inappropriate comments made to staff in the toilets. Crass stuff like ‘give that cubicle 5 minutes’ to cruder comments directed at or about women - the men will often be talking about their own colleagues in a derogatory way in front of us.

The final straw for me was this afternoon when I walked out of a cubicle and a spotty young lad said he will ‘join me next time’ 😷

Our company are aware of our concerns but said there’s nothing they can do, as the toilets are designed to be ‘inclusive’ and similar to the other modern office blocks they viewed.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this to be honest, just wanted to know if anyone else finds this sort of set up completely ridiculous?

How lovely for you that you don’t mind being intimidated by pathetic men, however, some of us do. I would hope that society has moved on from women having to accept this shit, it’s the 21st century after all.

Do you work in a bawdy 60s sitcom, OP? It would be very unusual to find a company where coincidentally so many of the men seem to have that kind of attitude, and are willing to display it at their place of work.

The MN bee in the bonnet about toilets is really bizarre. The vast majority of assaults against women aren’t by transpeople and they aren’t by strangers in bathrooms. They are by straight men who are already known to the victim.

That said, the law about unisex workplace toilets is that the cubicles have to be individual lockable rooms, so you can always raise that as an issue.

That is totally irrelevant to this situation.

Men who are not well known or related also attack women.

The fact that some men and women choose to live together doesn’t mean OP should have to put up with any man in what should be a single sex space.

They are being inappropriate because they are young men in contact with women. They don't seem to need any more reason than that.

We have to take on this entitled male behaviour in all other aspects of our working lives ( I feel sorry for the women working in that call centre) and have to take responsibility for calling it out. Do we really also have to do deal with this while at the same time taking care of our moat intimate needs ?

Can our employers not at least afford us the basic decency of a private space to take care of our intimate bodily needs in peace before we are expected to go back to police and call out inappropriate male behaviour in the workplace - (which you are right happens everywhere ) Oh wait . They do have to BY LAW.

Your question shows your basic misunderstanding of why women want single sex spaces and toilets. We don't think men behave differently in those spaces. In fact we know they behave the same elsewhere. This is not about changing their behaviour, it is about having some peace and protection from dealing with it while we feel particularly vulnerable

No problem apology accepted.

My point stands
Cost saving is a key reason that buildings are designed and built and commissioned in a way which breaks the law.

I expect that a lot of UK insurance companies will be reviewing their policy documents to reflect the owner or occupiers obligations in this area.

It worse that its happening in the shared toilets where the op could easily be dragged into cubicle and raped with noone to hear her screaming or help her

I may have misread*, but I thought Spotty Twat worked for one of the other companies that shares the building?

If that's correct, it would be difficult for OP's management to do much about it imo. It should be raised with Spotty Twat's management, obvs, but if they refused to take any action, what could OP's HR do about it?

*I'm only on my second cup of tea, so not fully functioning yet

What a strange place you work, OP, with such a disproportionate amount of peculiar toilet behaviour.

As the arrangement bothers you, you should be informing HR that you will be working from home until they comply with the law. This requires that they provide individual fully enclosed, lockable rooms with a lavatory, washbasin and drying facilities. Those are compliant as unisex provision under the health & safety rules.

Email the HR depts of both companies to inform them of the harassment & unacceptable behaviour. Attach the below document aswell. Copy in your senior managers and CEO, this is really unacceptable. Your firm deliberately leased a building without adequate single sex toilet provisions for its employees.

https://sex-matters.org/toilets-matter/

Drive by scolding.

(by someone who managed to not read the first post)
👏👏👏

Of course Big Boss man!
Get to fuck.

Did the OP say anything about trans people?
MN has a bee in its bonnet about shared toilets because it’s an area where women are particularly vulnerable, in a state of undress, where men (straight men that could well be known to the OP, her own colleagues will be using this toilet too) have easy access.
Fully enclosed, single occupancy unisex toilets would be great, but that isn’t what’s happening here.

This is totally illegal. What happens on the other floors? Can floors share facilities?
Your employer has a duty of care. They be on the hook for sexual harassment claims glore.

@SocialMol put in a written complaint to your employer and to the other company stating you want action taken or will seek legal advice. I would imagine the other company will deal with their staff prompto

Your compny is breaking the law.

Unisex facilities are only allowed as an appropriate inclusive provision for all if each toilet is in a fully-enclosed room with floor-to-ceiling walls/doors (no gaps) and individual handwashing and drying facilities within each such room, and no means of overriding to lock from the outside. Cubicles in a communal room do not qualify, if the building only has communal cubicle rooms then these must, by law, be designated for men and women separately. This may have to be done on alternating floors of the building so levels 1 and 3 have womens and levels 2 and 4 have mens. Your manager is lying saying there's nothing to be done, insisting that the law is upheld is not an optional decision.

That's a bit extreme! Are those cubicles soundproof? But seriously, that's not likely to happen. It's more important to tackle the unpleasant (but much milder) behaviour that's already happening and to teach people (mainly men) how to behave and to respect others no matter what sex they are or where they are.

Nor me.

Even if it is the case that the offender is not their own employee, the OP's employer are not absolved from responsibility here. Employers can and have been found vicariously liable for the behaviour of 3rd parties if they have not taken steps to address it. The new legislation (since Oct 2024) requires employers to take reasonable steps to prevent sexual harassment...which this behaviour definitely is.

Why have you brought ‘transpeople’ into this? (I guess you mean trans identifying men as the young girl down the road from me who calls herself ‘he’ isn’t going to cause me any bother in the toilets)
You may work or socialise in a very sheltered environment- I have seen the behaviour OP reports many times over the years from all sorts of men.

We have laws on single sex spaces partly because men and women have a need for privacy from each other at certain times and for women’s safety. It is irrelevant whether the man knows you or not (or whether he would like to be a woman or not) - they are men.

I am intrigued why you and the other poster make these points about the majority of sexual assaults being perpetrated by men known to us but are totally ignoring the fact that there are still a huge number of rapes and sexual assaults carried out by men we don’t know.

Have you really thought about this and are dismissing all instances of stranger attacks (even though we know they happen) or have you just heard this somewhere else and are repeating it without thinking it through?

I would absolutely hate that, even without the inappropriate comments. Gross.

Your employer needs to ensure your safety. They need to have a toilet area that is safe for you to use. Put in a written complaint. I’d say to look for a new job.

You are assuming that every woman raped has the opportunity or ability to scream - that’s often not the case, especially if the man threatens to kill her if she screams.

It’s not ‘likely’ but it does happen. There are several cases of stranger rape where a man has barged into a unisex toilet and raped or attacked a woman. They are the least safe type of toilet for several reasons.

We have laws on single sex spaces for two reasons. Men and women want privacy from each other at times and for women’s safety. The behaviour of these men is obviously a serious issue but the location that gives them the opportunity to behave like this is also an issue.

According to Rape Crisis, 1 in 2 rapes are by a partner or ex partner. Which to your very valid point, means 1 in 2 are not.

Source: https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/statistics-sexual-violence/

These 'unisex' toilets are likely to be illegal, as there are shared hand washing facilities.
The behaviour of the men from the other company is highly inappropriate and exactly why there needs to be completely separate facilities.
Put in a formal complaint to your company. They need to address toileting facilities with the company they hire the building from.
Join a Union and refiuse to return to work in the office (presuming all work can be done from home) until safe toilet facilities are provided.

Can you use a toilet on another floor? I remember in an old workplace we would save wees for our floor but then subject another floor to the smell of our poos. I suggest you all go to another floor, management will not say anything. The other office sound so gross