AIBU to not get a better job?

[YellowMoth]

I have an easy, but professional job. 3 days per week - lovely boss and team, nice sector. But it's badly paid, junior and to be honest I'm pretty bored and there's nowhere to go in terms of progression. I've just been offered an interview for a more interesting job - full time but mostly wfh, opportunity to learn new skills, big leap in pay, but I feel a bit reluctant. My youngest son will start school in September and I'll have two days to myself a week, which after years of looking after kids would be amazing. My DH earns considerably more than me and so we don't need the money as such, though it would be helpful. And it would mean more of a juggle with school pick ups / drop offs, holidays, fitting in the gym etc. But obviously, it's not really fair for DH to feel so fully responsible for our finances. I would also like to feel more financially independent and use my brain more. Has anyone else been in this position? Did you go for a better job which worked out? Or did you end up feeling stressed out and miserable?

I went part time in my existing job until my kids started school and then I went back full-time. I’ve never regretted it. Sadly the marriage broke down about 15 years later and I was even more glad at that point that I had progressed in my career and maintained my independence. No one ever thinks it’s going to happen to them but it does. It also feels good making a decent contribution to the household. I also enjoyed the mental stimulation from working and still do. I’ve been working compressed hours - five days in four for some time now so I get three days off which is great. I would recommend you give it serious consideration and don’t overthink about having two days a week off to yourself, because you also have the weekends.

Take new job you must have wanted a change deep down inside or you wouldn't have applied good luck

You’d be mad not to. Get yourself some independence, a decent pension and look after your future!

Your first 2 sentences describes my current employment to a tee. I’ve been stuck in this position now for some years due to a ‘series of unfortunate events’ that meant changing jobs wasn’t really possible (bereavement, caring for father, SEN child on part time timetable, cancer). I would love to be able to move to a better paid and more challenging job. The mums I know that moved back to full time all loved it. They managed to grab time for themselves in evenings and weekends and by outsourcing jobs like cleaning, using meal kits etc and just said it made the household balance more equal. Can your husband work around pick ups because that’s going to make it easier.

In such a case I would recommend you take a strategic overview of the short, medium and long term implications of either option. What are your husband’s views on the matter? Does you being at home more mean that he is able to focus on his career , whereas if you are FT the additional home/child responsibilities would present a challenge? Assuming you are doing more of the chores/childcare on your non work days, what additional freedoms does this allow the family at the weekend vs having to complete everything over the weekend?You do not need the money now, but what would happen should your circumstances change with husband’s income or if the unfortunate should happen and you were to separate? You say you are bored, how does this impact on your wellbeing vs a role that is more challenging, but now you have work harder to balance life outside of work? Could you use your non work days to pursue volunteer roles or study as a means to reduce said boredom and prepare for a new role at a later time? What are your family’s long term financial needs/plans and how would your income impact this i.e more children, moving home, renovations, new car, general inflation, saving/investment goals or any such plans that would have an attached cost? Is there a chance of resentment down the line, you for not fulfilling your potential or husband for carrying the bulk of the financial burden?What about your future pension? Women typically save less due to part time, easy to manage around children, lower paid type jobs? Ultimately the opportunity is on the table and there is no harm exploring it fully so you are not later asking what if. An interview is as much about you assessing the company as it is them assessing you, and does not mean that it will result in employment. You have to do what is right and beneficial for you and your family’s individual circumstances/needs. Best of luck to you

Weekends aren't days to yourself though. I'd kill for a couple of hours to myself right now, two days, even if it was just as a one off, would be amazing.

I did exactly the same when my DC started school. 1.5 years later and I don't regret it for a second!

Personally, every time I've leaned in to an opportunity provided by the universe, it has paid off. Go for it. You can always reject later. 🖤

If you can afford to do less hours then I would stay put. Ive just returned to work from maternity leave and reduced from 5 to 3 and I absolutely love it. We have to plan abit more money wise and watch what we spend but every morning I get to do nursery and school drop off and pick ups and I love it.

Ive lots more working years ahead of me and for now I plan to stay how I am until both my children are in school and then maybe look at increasing hours....maybe 😄

I would go for it. For all the reasons others have said - the mental stimulation, more money, more equality at home, more safety in the event of a marriage breakdown. But it’s also worth asking the new role if they’d consider eg 4 days a week so that you can still have a day to yourself - just because they’ve not offered it, doesn’t mean they won’t agree to it. You could either ask now or when you’ve got your feet under the table and proved yourself. If you ask now and they’re not sure, you could ask for a 3 month trial period on the basis that you’ll go full time if it doesn’t work for any reason - that way you’d still get at least 3 months of a day to yourself to enjoy and potentially longer!

Would there be any possibility of flexible working in the full time role, e.g. compressed hours with a 9 day fortnight or 4.5 day week? That might give you a bit of time back.

I'd be reluctant to move from part time to full time if I could afford not too. Having a couple of days to yourself is lovely. Rather than having to fit all the life admin / shopping into the evenings and weekends you could spend more quality time with your children and less stress.
Part time roles are hard to find because so many parents want them. I wouldn't give that up unless necessary. It might be difficult to get one again.
The current lower salary is compensated by the lower childcare costs, especially during the school holidays, which can mount up to being very expensive. Not to mention the extra days of fun you can have with them during the holidays if you are not at work.
Would it be possible to go to the interview and ask them if they would consider offering the new role as part time?

I went full time after finding 3 days a week bad for pension and having bad experiences with what I felt was unfair treatment due to being part time. I also wanted to retain decent earning ability in case of events like redundancy, illness, divorce.

For me, women are better off having a good personal income and pension than thinking we don’t ‘need’ it taking into account our H’s salary. In various scenarios.

Part time opportunities usually go to people already in the organisation.

In your situation I’d apply for good full time roles, see how it goes, then once established if you still want to work part time ask for it.

I went part time during the primary years because of all the sickness cover, trips, admin, assemblies etc associated with the primary years. It just made sense & then I switched to a f/t hybrid role with 3 days in the office & 2 days home. It worked for us so worth asking if you can work 3/4 days in the office & the rest from home.

No harm in having the conversation and figuring out the facts of the role. Would it really be more interesting? Are they committed to keeping a wfh policy? How happy are the team there? Do they offer flexi if child logistics is still on you (or does the salary mean you can pay for help)? I think it’s also worth having a chat with your current role to see if any tweaks are possible.

And I think you should view this as what job decisions makes the most sense for you for now to the next 12-18months personally and as a family, and reassess frequently. You’ll know what matters most to you right now and there’s always a trade off…

Hi, similar position here. I chose to stay part time so we could feel some balance in the family. I’m also the main caregiver to the children as my husband has a very high stress job and works insane hours. Honestly, I’ve loved it and feel not only does it help our family but I’ve also benefitted from time to myself and have joined the gym. I may go full time in the future but for now this works for us as a whole.

Don’t underestimate the brain rot that happens when you’re in a role that doesn’t challenge you. I’ve just left a position that I was doing for 7 years. Extremely flexible etc but god so, so mind numbingly dull. I actually found it difficult to do properly near the end because I was so sick of it.

When does her DH get time for himself? Surely whatever choice OP makes it has to be fair

I think in the long term it’s better for you, career progression, building a better pension pot, more mental fulfilment. Whilst in the short term you sound like you are in a position to have the support you need, cleaner/ironing person etc so that the household management isn’t as much on you. The only thing is, especially as they are just starting school, do you want to be there doing drop off/pick up to build relationships with other parents? Could make organising play dates a little easier. Does the new job allow this as it’s wfh?

I never understand this. Women have fought for years for equality. I could never rely on a man. For the record married 34 years.

OP, is this a job you applied for, or were you headhunted. If the latter, maybe you could put a few goodies in your contract, like Friday afternoon off, wfh, guaranteed school holiday leave etc. Most employers are more flexible than people think, but you have to ask, preferably at the beginning.

I think you need to decide what you value most at your time of life:

• more time and freedom
• or more money and better career progression options.

I am 54 with a long term health condition so for me the flexibility and freedom of working part-time is always going to win. I do some freelance bits as well to add some additional income when needed.

Do you have children?

Thanks for your responses everyone. I'm going to go to the interview and see how I feel. I may not get it anyway. But I think I should at least have a go.

Yes. Grown up.