Location sharing- I think I’m worryingly in the minority

[PomPomHead]

I am seriously worried that I’m in the minority here and the world’s gone mad. Why would you share your location All The Time with every member of your family ( even, as in the case of my friends, with your
married 30 year old daughter!)? Why does nobody feel able to be independent and unwatched ? It baffles me and nobody has been able to persuade me of the so-called safety benefits?
Is checking your location now the new showing me you love me?

Yep me. Instead of texting "what time are you going to be home?"

We've been happily married for 32 years so I doubt missing out on those texts will have much impact on us a family.

Also I never realised how onerous some people consider simple communication to be…

i track my son so he doesn’t have to text me when he’s arrived back home after a long drive

dp doesn’t have to remember to text me when he’s leaving work

i know what time to get the dinner on … for someone who couldn’t be arsed to communicate with you and tell you when they expect to be home, yet seem to expect a hot dinner magically handed up to them on arrival? If someone was at home planning to cook dinner for me, I’d consider it a fairly basic courtesy to let them know what time I’d be home, instead of expecting them to be the one to proactively find out.

But then you used words like "seriously worried" and "world's gone mad" which triggered the general emotive language being used in here.

It works for some people it doesn't for others, it's also not a once and for all decision, it can be turned on and off at different times.

But the general tone of the discussions is - as ever these days - hideous.

And your initial words started it.

To be honest I wasn't aware that so many people were timing dinner and cups of tea with such precision on a regular basis. I just cook when it suits or I'm hungry. It's not a restaurant.

It's absolutely not for me! I would hate that level of intrusion

I'm not doing anything dodgy or have anything to hide either, in fact I would be the most boring person ever to track 😁
That's not the point, though. It's normalising stalking or controlling behaviour, under the guise "well I don't have anything to hide anyway"
What happened to personal privacy, or boundaries?
"They can't see whether I'm at the doctor's or Tesco next door" oh well that's alright then!" 🫤🙄😁

As someone that has been a victim of stalking- it’s not the same at all.

Unless your partner is controlling or abusive already, sharing your location is just a helpful tool and not a gateway into stalking.

Don't get me wrong it’s unacceptable regardless of the relationship (romantic, friendly or familial) to use your location as a means of control. You shouldn’t be questioned on where you are, what you’re doing etc. That’s not how healthy families are using these tools.

Yes but we shouldn't have to stop doing something because there are some evil people out there who abuse or control others with the same tool. That's like saying no one should use knives because it's one step away from stabbing someone.
I shared my location happily with my husband and even if he was sat all day checking my location when I am out, so what? It makes no difference to me or my day. It's when that information is used to control me is when there is an issue.
My husband is in IT and is very tech savvy, he can see everything I do on the WiFi at home, should I stop using it because he can, if he wanted to, look through all my internet use.
When you live with others you willingly lose a bit of privacy. I don't feel like I need any, aside from when using the bathroom.

Tbh I'd be more likely to question the level of trust between couples who don't share...

And there it is. The perfect argument for abusers. why won’t you share? Why can’t I track you? What are you hiding? It’s only because I love you

If teens are growing up thinking this is normal and acceptable and actually a sign of love and trust, they’ve no hope of recognising problematic behaviours in relationships. Coercive control is so insidious anyway that it’s hard recognise initially, but add the normalisation of someone knowing your whereabouts at all times, and it’s truly frightening.

This, 100%.

Wake up, parents!!! Look what you’re teaching your kids!

I would posit there is far more trust among couples who have healthy boundaries and a sense of self as individuals.

”If you trusted me you wouldn’t hide where you’re going.”

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

'why won’t you share? Why can’t I track you? What are you hiding? It’s only because I love you' Yeah, but who has said this?

The majority of people have perfectly normal healthy relationships and sharing locations is not seen as anything insidious, in fact quite the opposite.

I think it's sad you have such a warped view on regular people and can't distinguish between people who would use this as a tool of abuse vs everybody else.

'If teens are growing up thinking this is normal and acceptable and actually a sign of love and trust, they’ve no hope of recognising problematic behaviours in relationships.' I'm sorry but that is the biggest load of shit I've ever read.

So because I happily share my location, I have no sense of self worth?
I share because I go running by myself so it makes me feel happier should anything happen. My husband shares his because to see mine he has to and he was happy to do that. It's everything go do with trust, I've trust that my husband isn't going to abuse this information and is it to control me. I know not everyone is that fortunate.
Again the argument used is saying we shouldn't do something we are happy to, because of the few who abuse that information or force others to share.
Someone on another thread said they wouldn't walk next to a body of water alone because of the number of women who have died in water in recent years and they were told they were being ridiculous. Isn't it similar, not doing something because of something that does happen but to the minority?

'If you trusted me you wouldn’t hide where you’re going.”

Who said that though...?

Since when does choosing to share your location with each other equate to having no sense of self as an individual or boundaries? WTF? Are you quite ok?

Who has said this?? You, for starters, saying you’d question the level of trust between partners who don’t share. Loads of people on this thread have used the “if you’ve nothing to hide…” line. People on this thread have linked tracking to displays of love and care.

It’s handing abusers an open goal. It’s frightening that people can’t see that.

And if you don’t think teens base their perception of what’s normal and healthy in relationships on what their life experience has been, I feel sorry for you and any teens in your care.

I said 'Tbh I'd be more likely to question the level of trust between couples who don't share...'

That isn't the same as saying 'why won’t you share? Why can’t I track you? What are you hiding? It’s only because I love you'

Do you often put words in other people's mouth?

How do you not recognise in a healthy relationship people choosing to share their location cannot be compared to someone who is sharing their location under duress. It's completely odd to assume anyone who uses this tool is an abuser.

' And if you don’t think teens base their perception of what’s normal and healthy in relationships on what their life experience has been, I feel sorry for you and any teens in your care.' Of course they do, I never said they didn't.

I simply pointed out your comment of:
'If teens are growing up thinking this is normal and acceptable and actually a sign of love and trust, they’ve no hope of recognising problematic behaviours in relationships.' was a pile of shit.

And I feel sorry for you or any children in your care because that extremely warped outlook with inevitably rub off.

Who said that? The person I was replying to. You. Who questioned the trust between those who don’t share.

Haven't rtft just some if it, but I agree 100% OP. It's obviously a divisive issue, and each to their own. But the day my Dh demands to know my whereabouts is the day I would be planning an exit. To me it's the ultimate in invasive controlling co dependant behaviour. Not that I'm up to any mischief, my life is quite boring but it's not the point at all for me. DH travels with work occasionally, usually not too far just to a few destinations. Even if he is busy he will always msg me the hotel name and room number in case of emergency. Likewise if I'm away. That's all the info we need. DS is a teenager and I would never inflict this on him, I trust him and yes sometimes I worry, but that's on me. As for parents letting their kids track them, I cannot comprehend at all.

Except I most definitely didn't say: ''If you trusted me you wouldn’t hide where you’re going.”

Try harder.

“Tbh I'd be more likely to question the level of trust between couples who don't share...”

Can you explain exactly what you meant by this comment then, please?

Given what you've private messaged me about in the past I'm not sure you're remotely qualified to comment on healthy boundaries... I shan't repeat the information you volutneered that I didn't ask for (twice)....

Initially, we began prior to What3Words existing, as we live quite remotely, along roads that can be quite dangerous, so knowing where people especially newly driving teens, had broken down/gone in a ditch etc was useful. And we’ve never switched it off. People could quite easily stop sharing their locations, we wouldn’t bat an eyelid, no hard feelings etc. Nobody has bothered. We must be the most boring family ever. Tesco’s, the gym, work, The Feathers, in town, stuck in traffic on a motorway (so I’ll have his share of the pizza).

I think it's rather self explanatory, no?

We are on the subject of boundaries between a couple. My messages to you are irrelevant to this topic.