I'm pregnant and struggling with my husband — feeling lost, please help

Luna69 · 2025-07-23T22:40:10+00:00

Hi everyone, I'm currently 7 months pregnant with our first child, and I’m feeling incredibly overwhelmed. My husband and I have been having serious issues — he’s become very distant, hardly speaks to me anymore, and seems annoyed by everything I do. I’ve tried to talk to him calmly, but he either shuts down or turns things around on me. I feel alone and unsupported, especially at a time when I need him the most. I don't have close family nearby, and my friends don’t really understand what I’m going through. I’m scared about doing this on my own and unsure how to move forward Has anyone been through something similar during pregnancy? How did you cope or get through it? I just need some support and guidance right now. Thank you so much in advance!.

MyWarmOchreHare · 23/07/2025 23:43

Pregnancy is often when abuse first shows itself. Be very careful. Have you got family you can stay with if needs be?

Original poster

Luna69 · 23/07/2025 23:48

I’ve started to wonder the same, and it’s scary to even think about. Sadly, I don’t have family nearby to stay with, which makes it harder. Just trying to stay strong for the baby.

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dramallamabananababa · 23/07/2025 23:49

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Luna69 · 23/07/2025 23:51

I do have one friend I might be able to open up to properly, i just haven’t known how to say it all, I’ll try to reach out to her and maybe speak to my GP too.
You’re right... I think deep down I’ve been seeing it, just didn’t want to admit it.

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Satsuma2 · 23/07/2025 23:57

Contact https://www.womensaid.org.uk/ or look through the website for information. I believe they have a forum too. Very common for abuse to start during pregnancy. You say it is hard to do this while alone , it’s a million times harder to do it while being physically, emotionally or mentally abused. It’s even harder when it’s all three at once. For your unborn child look for help for yourself and your child.

Home - Women's Aid

Women's Aid is a grassroots federation working together to provide life-saving services and build a future where domestic violence is not tolerated.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Lmox · 24/07/2025 00:57

My Husbands abusive behaviour started in pregnancy and got so much worse once the baby was born. Up until then I thought he was the most lovely man in the world. The way he treated me and our child after was disgusting.

talk to him - once. Explain what you need from him and how he’s been upsetting you. If he slips up even once after that, leave. Go to family, friends, wherever until you have a plan for you and your baby. It’s what I wish someone had said to me.

Lmox · 24/07/2025 01:01

i should add that my situation sounds similar to yours. My family lived in a different country and none of my friends were married or had kids but it’s so important you reach out to friends and family anyway. They’ll want to help. If he tries to turn it around on you when you chat with him, just stand up mid converstation and walk away. It’s mind games and you don’t need that when you’re pregnant (or ever)

VoodooQualities · 24/07/2025 01:07

I just want to go against the grain a little, and say that there's nothing in your post that sounds TOO terrible from him. Distant, hardly speaking to you, turning things around on you and getting annoyed. These are certainly all things you don't need right now and he definitely needs to step up. But could it be that he's feeling overwhelmed too perhaps? The magnitude of what's about to happen is sinking in?

I don't want to make excuses for him because like I said, he needs to step up.

Original poster

Luna69 · 24/07/2025 15:03

Satsuma2 · 23/07/2025 23:57

Contact https://www.womensaid.org.uk/ or look through the website for information. I believe they have a forum too. Very common for abuse to start during pregnancy. You say it is hard to do this while alone , it’s a million times harder to do it while being physically, emotionally or mentally abused. It’s even harder when it’s all three at once. For your unborn child look for help for yourself and your child.

Thank you for sharing this. I’ve just visited the Women’s Aid site, and it honestly hit me how serious this might be, I’ve been trying to tell myself it’s just stress or temporary, but deep down I know it’s more than that
you’re right being alone is hard, but feeling scared and broken in your own home is worse. I’m going to try to reach out and get proper help. I need to think about my baby and stop hoping he’ll change.
Thank you again your words really stayed with me💗

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Original poster

Luna69 · 24/07/2025 15:05

Lmox · 24/07/2025 00:57

My Husbands abusive behaviour started in pregnancy and got so much worse once the baby was born. Up until then I thought he was the most lovely man in the world. The way he treated me and our child after was disgusting.

talk to him - once. Explain what you need from him and how he’s been upsetting you. If he slips up even once after that, leave. Go to family, friends, wherever until you have a plan for you and your baby. It’s what I wish someone had said to me.

what you said really hit me. I’ve been doubting myself, wondering if I’m overreacting, but deep down i know something isn’t right, I will talk to him once, like you said and if nothing changes, I’ll start planning a way out. I don’t want to end up in the same place, looking back and wishing I’d acted sooner.
Thank you for being honest it honestly helps more than you know.

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Original poster

Luna69 · 24/07/2025 15:09

Lmox · 24/07/2025 01:01

i should add that my situation sounds similar to yours. My family lived in a different country and none of my friends were married or had kids but it’s so important you reach out to friends and family anyway. They’ll want to help. If he tries to turn it around on you when you chat with him, just stand up mid converstation and walk away. It’s mind games and you don’t need that when you’re pregnant (or ever)

that really hit home. I’ve been scared to reach out, but i know i need to. you’re right he does twist things and it leaves me doubting myself. I’ll try to talk to someone i trust, i don’t want to feel this lost anymore.

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Original poster

Luna69 · 24/07/2025 15:11

VoodooQualities · 24/07/2025 01:07

I just want to go against the grain a little, and say that there's nothing in your post that sounds TOO terrible from him. Distant, hardly speaking to you, turning things around on you and getting annoyed. These are certainly all things you don't need right now and he definitely needs to step up. But could it be that he's feeling overwhelmed too perhaps? The magnitude of what's about to happen is sinking in?

I don't want to make excuses for him because like I said, he needs to step up.

Edited

i appreciate you saying this i’ve wondered the same, if he’s just overwhelmed. but it’s been more than just distance… it’s coldness, blame, and making me feel small when I try to talk. maybe he is stressed, but it doesn’t make it okay. i just need to feel safe and supported right now.

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SugarMarshmallow · 24/07/2025 15:15

From experience of watching my best friend go through this:

The way your partner treats you during the most vulnerable time in your life (pregnancy) speaks absolute volumes on how your future is going to look. Narcissistic during pregnancy? Most likely going to be a “I’m going out 4 nights a week” “I’ve been at work all day - you do the night feeds” “That’s what mums do” sort of men.

You will end up being a single parent but living with someone. In my opinion it’s harder to be doing the sole parenting whilst around someone that should be helping out, than it is to go it alone.

I’m sorry you’re going through this x

hmmimnotsurewhy · 24/07/2025 15:33

I disagree as op says she has been seeing it and didn’t want to acknowledge it. Op my best friend went through the same. He was awful, we all told her not to get married to him but she thought she knew better.

he was horrid to her during the pregnancy no surprise but was so vile after the baby was here. Nothing physical but just emotionally abusive, the baby was entirely her problem. He did nothing except pretend around people.

so what she did was have another baby with him. I then had to step away from her.

please don’t ignore what he’s doing and make excuses for him, speak to friends and family and tell them everything. He’s not magically going to step up when the baby is here. So don’t hold on waiting for him to change. I’m so sorry you are going through this and you really need support so please ask for it.

hmmimnotsurewhy · 24/07/2025 15:34

I forgot to add that my friend is now divorced with 2 kids who are very traumatised by the divorce and in therapy. So don’t let it get that far. Reach out for help now, but most important is to see him for what he is and he won’t magically change

Ellbee83 · 24/07/2025 16:29

Hey OP,
I'm single, and not a mum, but would like to think of myself as a good friend.
That said, I wouldn't necessarily have the knowledge or skills to pick up on the difficulties experienced by a friend in your position, especially if you/she was concealing it.
If you have that one, or more, close friends that you trust, tell them where you're at.
Be as honest as you dare and make it clear that you need their support.
Often people are more than happy to help, in whatever way they can, but maybe feel awkward, or don't want to intrude, especially in a sensitive, domestic situation, you know how it is.

You've nothing to lose by reaching out, I wish you the very best 💜

Original poster

Luna69 · 24/07/2025 16:33

SugarMarshmallow · 24/07/2025 15:15

From experience of watching my best friend go through this:

The way your partner treats you during the most vulnerable time in your life (pregnancy) speaks absolute volumes on how your future is going to look. Narcissistic during pregnancy? Most likely going to be a “I’m going out 4 nights a week” “I’ve been at work all day - you do the night feeds” “That’s what mums do” sort of men.

You will end up being a single parent but living with someone. In my opinion it’s harder to be doing the sole parenting whilst around someone that should be helping out, than it is to go it alone.

I’m sorry you’re going through this x

Thank you so much what you said really hit me. I’ve already started to feel like I’m doing everything alone, even though he’s right here. And the thought of spending the next few years like this honestly scares me,I don’t want to be a single parent in a relationship that’s exactly how it’s starting to feel. I really appreciate you being so honest, even though it’s hard to hear. It’s helping me see things more clearly. x

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MinnieMountain · 24/07/2025 16:34

Listen to your instincts OP. You know him way better than strangers on the internet.

My DH felt overwhelmed one day when I was 5 months pregnant. He went a bit quiet, we had a chat, then he was fine. Yours is much more extreme than that.

Original poster

Luna69 · 24/07/2025 16:35

hmmimnotsurewhy · 24/07/2025 15:33

I disagree as op says she has been seeing it and didn’t want to acknowledge it. Op my best friend went through the same. He was awful, we all told her not to get married to him but she thought she knew better.

he was horrid to her during the pregnancy no surprise but was so vile after the baby was here. Nothing physical but just emotionally abusive, the baby was entirely her problem. He did nothing except pretend around people.

so what she did was have another baby with him. I then had to step away from her.

please don’t ignore what he’s doing and make excuses for him, speak to friends and family and tell them everything. He’s not magically going to step up when the baby is here. So don’t hold on waiting for him to change. I’m so sorry you are going through this and you really need support so please ask for it.

Thank you i really needed to hear this without sugarcoating. i think deep down i have been making excuses, hoping it would all settle once the baby comes. But part of me knows it won’t.
I’m sorry your friend went through that, and I can understand why you had to step away. That’s not the kind of life I want for me or my baby. I’m going to try and start being honest with the people around me. I need to stop hoping he’ll just change.
I really appreciate your honesty it’s hard to face, but it’s helping me wake up.

OP posts:

Original poster

Luna69 · 24/07/2025 16:37

hmmimnotsurewhy · 24/07/2025 15:34

I forgot to add that my friend is now divorced with 2 kids who are very traumatised by the divorce and in therapy. So don’t let it get that far. Reach out for help now, but most important is to see him for what he is and he won’t magically change

I’m so sorry your friend went through that it’s exactly what I’m afraid of. I’ve been holding on to who I thought he was, but i am starting to see him clearly now. thank you for the honest reminder i needed it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Luna69 · 24/07/2025 16:39

Ellbee83 · 24/07/2025 16:29

Hey OP,
I'm single, and not a mum, but would like to think of myself as a good friend.
That said, I wouldn't necessarily have the knowledge or skills to pick up on the difficulties experienced by a friend in your position, especially if you/she was concealing it.
If you have that one, or more, close friends that you trust, tell them where you're at.
Be as honest as you dare and make it clear that you need their support.
Often people are more than happy to help, in whatever way they can, but maybe feel awkward, or don't want to intrude, especially in a sensitive, domestic situation, you know how it is.

You've nothing to lose by reaching out, I wish you the very best 💜

Thank you that really means a lot. you’re right, people often don’t see it unless you spell it out, and i’ve been trying so hard to hide how bad things feel. I think i need to be brave and just open up to someone I trust.
you’ve reminded me that support is out there i just have to ask. 💜

OP posts:

Original poster

Luna69 · 24/07/2025 16:40

MinnieMountain · 24/07/2025 16:34

Listen to your instincts OP. You know him way better than strangers on the internet.

My DH felt overwhelmed one day when I was 5 months pregnant. He went a bit quiet, we had a chat, then he was fine. Yours is much more extreme than that.

thank you that really helps put things in perspective. i’ve been second-guessing myself, but deep down i know this isn’t just stress. It feels different. i need to start trusting my instincts more.

OP posts:

Meadowfinch · 24/07/2025 16:50

Lmox · 24/07/2025 00:57

My Husbands abusive behaviour started in pregnancy and got so much worse once the baby was born. Up until then I thought he was the most lovely man in the world. The way he treated me and our child after was disgusting.

talk to him - once. Explain what you need from him and how he’s been upsetting you. If he slips up even once after that, leave. Go to family, friends, wherever until you have a plan for you and your baby. It’s what I wish someone had said to me.

This.

Mine started being contemptuous while we were still in the maternity unit, to the extent the midwives asked if "there was anything I wanted to tell them."

I stayed for another two years, trying get ex to behave normally. In the end I took DS and left.

You need some support in real life. Talk to Woman's Aid, and don't, under any circumstances, blame yourself. This is not on you. Put you and your baby first. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Your situation is not uncommon. People will understand. xx

Lmox · 25/07/2025 00:22

You’re being really brave and a great mum

wannagoome · 25/07/2025 00:52

I think distance and lack of reasonable discussion can come out of many things including stress/anxiety, however the impact on you is the same and if he won’t discuss you’re in a difficult place.

I just wanted to make you aware as you mentioned not having family nearby, if you would want to relocate closer to family or friends if you broke up, it is much easier to do this legally before baby is born, as once born the father has contact rights if he chooses to exert them and may be able to prevent you relocating the child. Choosing to breastfeed if you can also protects your time with baby. Just in case you’re unlucky enough that he wants to cause you upset after breakup. Hopefully it won’t come to all that but it’s useful to know - I had no idea and got trapped by an angry controlling ex.