to be annoyed that only women are expected to cuddle babies at work?

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This keeps happening and it's really starting to wind me up.

When a new mum brings a baby into work (usually someone on maternity leave visiting), it's always the women who are expected to fuss over the baby. The baby gets brought right up to us, even if we’re clearly trying to get on with work or not engage. I’ve tried ignoring it, but they literally come over and stand right in front of me with the baby.

The men in the office? Nothing. No one brings the baby near them. No one expects them to hold it or coo over it. They just smile and carry on with their day and that’s totally fine. But if I don’t want to hold the baby, I get comments like "But you’ve got children of your own!" Yes I do, but that doesn’t mean I want to cuddle other people’s babies. Especially not at work.

I’m tired of this unspoken rule that women should automatically want to interact with babies just because we’re women. Men are allowed to just exist and not get involved. I want the same.

This never happens at my work. DH and I used to work in the same office. He loves babies. He’s always the first to down tools and demand first cuddle.

That doesn’t happen where I work but I’d be delighted if it did as I adore babies and children. When colleagues have occasionally brought a child into work e.g. to show where mummy or daddy work men and women normally stop what they are doing to make a fuss of them - no one is too busy. Particularly as more senior colleagues it’s nice being able to show that side of yourself.

'We only have them in the kitchen. So you get the message “Jane’s here shes brought baby John”
So those who are interested go through and they all hang out or make coffee etc. and if you don’t want to coo and cluck you don’t have to.'

This is a very sensitive, thoughtful and professional approach to the whole issue. Babies being brought into the office is dull for some, downright painful for others.

I agree with you OP - men aren't expected to coo and fuss, but women are. It's very tiresome

I worked with a male headteacher a couple of years who spent almost his entire lunch hour in the staffroom cuddling our colleagues new baby girl! The rest of us didn’t get a look in 😂
to be fair the baby was settled and asleep and no one wants to disturb that.
Dh and I are always secretly competitive about who gets a cuddle with a new baby first.
No one has had a baby since I worked in my office where I am now but my willingness to cuddle their baby or go and coo over them at least would be directly linked to how much I liked their parent 🫣 I would always make an appropriate comment, “cute baby, hope you’re doing well, good to see you” kind of thing but then move on quickly if I wasn’t particularly friendly with the parent or be more inclined to stay and chat if we were close.

My baby much preferred men

I work in a predominantly male office and I've been in with my baby twice - both times it's been guy who have been cooing and cuddling. Depends on the people I guess!

Other people on this thread have faced the same issue so definitely not a my job problem.

I took my (now 20 something) DC into work at 4 weeks because I had a short (work related) meeting and one of the men in my team did an excellent job of entertaining them. Maternity eave was only 6 weeks in those days and the meeting was about taking on a new larger role when I was back.

As it is in the office so it is in life.

If you want to get really cross OP, consider this : a man can father a baby then fuck off away, live the rest of his life as though it never happened and absolutely nothing is expected of him whatsoever. Not even the teeniest eeniest flicker of interaction or interest required.

Of course, if he does take any kind of responsibility at all for the life he's created, he is then a fucking hero.

Men / women whatever… always seems like most colleagues don’t really wanna coo over the baby, maybe the odd genuine one but everyone else gurning and going along with it as the done thing 😂
would love to say - nah, I’m good thanks ! But I just lie / hide !

😂 Love it!

I don’t work in this office environment anymore but the men I used to work with would have been very keen to see a new baby! Maybe they wouldn’t have instinctively picked a visiting baby up the way a woman might but they were all new dad age and buzzing to meet the next new company baby.

Never happens at my work tbh.

At my work the new mum just goes over to her usual place with her team and people crowd round to look at the baby. People hold the baby if they ask to, never seen anyone thrust their baby at anyone. It's mostly women who ask to hold the baby. Though men sometimes do. The irritating thing then, is that women make a big fuss of the man, telling him it suits him if he's childfree, or he's a natural if he's already a dad. I think sometimes the men hold the baby to get this attention.

I’m not a fan of babies (was terrified of my two until they were at least 9 months) and dreaded people bringing theirs into work. I coped by breezing past at top speed with important papers in my hand, smiling and saying “So cute!” And disappearing round the corner.

Never found this some people love babies and want to cuddle them and fuss over them others dont male or female. Its quite obvious who is who. Its ok to say nah Im alright thanks if you dont want to hold someone's baby.

Yes, I've had this in the office and it's embarrassing if as a woman you really don't want to cuddle a baby. I've also had it in other scenarios where (again as a woman) you're supposed to go all gooey and helpless about babies. If you don't, you're pretty close to being led to the ducking stool.

People bringing their baby into work is fucking weird anyway.

But I've never had anyone expect me to cuddle their baby when they've brought one in, and nor have I actually cuddled one. There are plenty of men in my office who will actively go and see, hold, cuddle the baby though.

How often does this actually happen that it can wind you up this much?!

Lucky men!

Working from home is great!

Yep. I had a male colleague be really annoyed that I was not interested in his baby. Why would I be?

I was generally never that interested in colleagues’ babies when they came to the office (obviously they were cute and I gave them polite quick cuddles but I’m
just not a baby person) and when I had mine I didn’t bring them in the first few times I went in during maternity leave, mostly because I assumed others weren’t that interested and also because I knew there were several people in the office and in my team who were not childlfree by choice (either going through IVF at the time or hadn’t met the right person but really wanted kids) so I felt it was a bit insensitive and not that appropriate to bring babies to work. However I got so many comments around why didn’t I bring the baby, everyone was desperate to see them etc (including from my manager and other senior stakeholders) that I ended up bringing them in the end and others happily held them and entertained them while I was in meetings. It was obvious who wanted to do that and I would never ask anyone to hold them, there were plenty of volunteers both male and female. It’s a fine line though I agree, and I can very much see why some people wouldn’t like this.

Same here!

Haha. Yes I’m the same. I CANNOT feign interest even to be polite. When my avoidance tactics have failed I revert to saying ‘hello mate’ to the kid and asking how work colleague is then pretend I’m in a rush to a meeting.