Inheritance for Stepchildren?

[HeyHowYouDoing]

More of a WWYD?

DP previously married, 2 children now 17 and 21. Divorced well before I met him. Mother of DSC remarried, one more child, appearances suggest they are well off.

DP and I have been together over 10 years, 2 children of our own. DP pays child support to ex, and gives older children extra money/gifts as and when. But we are not well off. I have met DSC probably 6 times each when they have been to stay (due to distance), all very pleasant, but not strong relationship (between me and them).

DP and I are not married. In time I expect to inherit enough money to buy our own house outright. At this point I will need to rewrite my will. I would ensure my DP could live in the house for as long as he needed, but it would be split between my children. However, I don’t expect my partner to have much to leave his kids. In this situation, would you leave money to your DSC and if so what value/proportion? My gut feeling is as half-siblings to my children I would like to leave them something. Just interested to hear what others would do.

Absolutely do not get married, no benefit to you or your children.
Your inheritance goes to your children.
They can inherit from their mother and fathers assets from their marriage if their mother wants thst.
Not your job to subsidise this.

I don’t think you should feel any obligation to do so.

However, if you want to be nice you could leave a token amount, £1000 or something, but only once you know how your finances will be and that it would be possible and easy to do so without causing an issue for your kids or the executors.

How lovely of you to be thinking about this OP, good for you

Thank you x

Yep if you’re buying it together. If you’re buying yourself a house then no it’s yours and I’d suggest him buying/keeping his own for when it goes tits up.

For example. House no1 I paid 100% deposit, no2 he did (plus equity from first) no3 was probably 80:20ish to him.

We don’t work that way though so everything is just ‘ours’ so don’t know exact figures but we’re a partnership therefore it’d all be split 50:50 regardless.

No, I wouldn’t. I would expect their two parents to provide for them. Not because I would want to be an evil stepmother, but it feels very much like your dp has opted out of parenting his kids. This is one of those instances when he needs to pull his thumb out.

Surely, by the time your partner gets to the age when most of us expect to leave an inheritance to our children (surely 20-30+ years from now, judging by ages of your children), he will have time to build up savings and investments if leaving them with a nest egg on his passing is important to him.

That said, I can’t get past his young children coming to visit their dad at his home only 6 times in the 10 years you’ve been together. I live on the other side of the world from my family and we are now NC and we’ve visited each other more than 6 times in a decade. 😳

A word or two of caution about stipulating that your unmarried partner can continue to live in your property which your children will later inherit only after his death:
Who will be responsible and have the resources to pay for the upkeep, maintenance and repair of the property?
You have to imagine every potential scenario, unlikely as it may seem in the present day, e.g. what happens if he meets somebody else, moves another person/family in with him, etc.? Needs care, or alterations to the house?
You can’t forsee how his life might pan out and your children shouldn’t be required to offer him what you are happy to offer in your present circumstances, i.e. a free roof over his head, when you don’t know what life will bring them in the future. It could well be a burden they can’t afford.

Fair point, thank you

The opposite.

if dh hadn’t met me he would never have got on the property ladder. Hems financially better off with me as he has no rent, mortgage or bills to pay. His money goes on his kids and his own needs.

as for his kids missing out financially and emotionally, why is his ex having an affair and causing all this my problem to rectify?

And also, if you give him right of residency you MUST also stipulate who else can live there with him. He must not be able to move just anyone in. My husband's will states that I can ask my adult son, daughter, or either of his two kids to live here. Nobody else, though people can visit and stay over.

This means that none of the kids will be able to install a boyfriend, girlfriend or future children and take advantage of me.

It is also stipulated that I have to keep the rates paid, upkeep on the house and how much I am allowed to make alterations (basically nothing structural but I can decorate how I like).

I am unlikely to outlive him anyway, tbh, with my health history but I was the one who insisted on putting all this in place. If I outlive him and become vulnerable and some creepy man talks me into letting him live with me, he could do untold harm to the property/furniture/my lifestyle.

Our kids are all decent sorts, but what if one of them marries a con merchant and forces their way in and lives here, does drugs, parties or any other number of scenarios.

Not only should his children receive zero from you - because you are taking that directly from your OWN children - if you give him right of residency you need to protect your children's inheritance, your house, and anticipate dodgy scenarios.

So, contrary to most of the advice here, I still feel that, as half-siblings to my children I should demonstrate that DSC are part of our family, however odd our set-up may appear to some people. I also get that talking hypothetically about a potential inheritance in the future is a bit pointless. So I’ve just opened 5 investment accounts with a token sum of £25 each (2 DSC, 2 DC, 1 DN), to be added to each year. And, should I inherit or suddenly become massively wealthy for some other reason, I can top these up equally. For my DC, this is in addition to savings they will receive at 18, and pensions they will receive at 55, and then any capital they may receive from my estate. If DSC are lucky, these accounts may have at least £1,000 in for each of them when I die.

I think that is sensible.

i do t think these situations are clear cut.

But in your situation you don’t have a relationship with your DSC so not leaving them anything is fine.

Of you’d raise them 50/50 since they were little and had a strong relationship I’d have said differently.

No I wouldn't, I'd put the house in trust for your two children and I'd put a clause in that they get it when their father passes away.

I still think it’s their dad’s job to sort inheritance.

the money is family money anyway, so if he wants to set up accounts or leave a set amount to them then it still comes out of our household income.

i don’t see why it’s my job, when I’m not their parent, to sort it. If I had a close relationship I might leave them jewellery or a personal gift. Any money would go to dh for him to leave to them if he wanted. If he dies first all his assets go to his children, I don’t need any of it.

fwiw when dh and I first got married we were going to set up trusts for the stepdc should something happen to dh. The ex absolutely forbade it for some reason, and we needed her cooperation to provide birth cert/passport/proof of address to set up the account. They’re adults now so less dependent. TBH as well although the spent a lot of time with us as kids, as adults they don’t bother. They have an open invite but we had to move once they were at uni and they cba to travel 2 hours up the road. Dh goes as often as he can but he needs hotels etc, plus they tend to be “busy” on weekends.