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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance for Stepchildren?

65 replies

HeyHowYouDoing · 22/07/2025 23:52

More of a WWYD?

DP previously married, 2 children now 17 and 21. Divorced well before I met him. Mother of DSC remarried, one more child, appearances suggest they are well off.

DP and I have been together over 10 years, 2 children of our own. DP pays child support to ex, and gives older children extra money/gifts as and when. But we are not well off. I have met DSC probably 6 times each when they have been to stay (due to distance), all very pleasant, but not strong relationship (between me and them).

DP and I are not married. In time I expect to inherit enough money to buy our own house outright. At this point I will need to rewrite my will. I would ensure my DP could live in the house for as long as he needed, but it would be split between my children. However, I don’t expect my partner to have much to leave his kids. In this situation, would you leave money to your DSC and if so what value/proportion? My gut feeling is as half-siblings to my children I would like to leave them something. Just interested to hear what others would do.

OP posts:
Isitreallysohard · 23/07/2025 07:14

HeyHowYouDoing · 23/07/2025 07:08

So if I paid 100% of the house, bills, maintenance etc you would expect half of that to belong to my DP?

Show quote history

No. My first question would be why do you have this set up and what does he contribute?

myfavouritemutant · 23/07/2025 07:18

If he’s living rent free in your house it would give him time to build up assets, that he could then leave to his children? But regardless, worrying about your will for money in a potential future inheritance feels a bit premature.

Size40Shoes · 23/07/2025 07:18

Three things.

Do NOT get married
Get a deed of trust done when you buy to allow him to reside in the property until death.
Do NOT leave the step children anything - they have 2 other parents. Its their job.

washinwashoutrepeat · 23/07/2025 07:19

As you are not married and don’t have a close relationship with your SC, I wouldnt make it equal BUT I would leave them a share, as they are still part of the family and siblings to your children.

if you were a totally blended family, I would make it more equal.

can I ask why you haven’t married your DP? This will have an impact upon your rights to each others estate

TwistedWonder · 23/07/2025 07:20

HeyHowYouDoing · 23/07/2025 07:08

So if I paid 100% of the house, bills, maintenance etc you would expect half of that to belong to my DP?

Show quote history

No because I wouldn’t expect anyone to put themselves in that position where they bankroll another adult

Original poster
HeyHowYouDoing · 23/07/2025 07:22

Mustbethat · 23/07/2025 01:21

Same here.

our house is in my sole name. I have assets in my name.

dh signed over his house to his ex when he left (her affair btw). She’d already emptied the joint accounts and squirrelled a lot away in preparation so he left with nothing, when he met me he had nothing.

he doesn’t earn a lot, and after he pays maintenance and expenses for his kids he doesn’t have much left. I pay all the bills, mortgage etc.

dh will get my pensions and a life interest in the house. My children get the house and everything else.

we expect his children to get the house she has now, that dh paid a significant amount toward. It’s in the SE so worth a lot now, and he left her with a small mortgage that should be paid off by now. Obviously she may choose to leave it to her new husband or someone else, but not much we can do about that.

Edited

Yes that’s pretty much our situation. Whilst DSC would inherit from their DM, there are other children their Stepfather’s side, so the split is likely to go more ways - not my problem I know.

OP posts:
Gonk123 · 23/07/2025 07:25

I wouldn’t get married and risk losing anything to someone who has not brought anything to the table. You don’t have a relationship with your step children to speak of so I don’t think you need to put them in your will. You could leave them a gift instead - piece of jewellery as a momentum but I wouldn’t split cash.

NorthernDancer · 23/07/2025 07:31

Not here I'm afraid. I've known my SD 24 years, been married 21. That was the last time my DC saw her. No interest in having a relationship with me? No inheritance.

Steelworks · 23/07/2025 07:31

Maybe a token amount, if you’re feeling generous, but you don’t know these children, or have a relationship with them.

Adelle79360 · 23/07/2025 07:33

In your situation no I wouldn’t be leaving anything to children that are not mine. It might be different if you’d brought them up from when they were youngsters and you had a good quality step parent relationship with them. I can’t imagine wanting to leave what I have to anybody other than my own children. The people I know who have had this happen to them have found it quite hurtful - that their parent has prioritised somebody else’s child over their own. Everybody knows that inheritance isn’t an entitlement, but it’s still a kick in the teeth.

If you feel strongly enough about it though, do as you wish. At the end of the day it’s your money and you can leave it to whoever you want. What sort of amounts do you want to leave your DP’s children?

Spirallingdownwards · 23/07/2025 07:40

The house will be YOUR asset.

Your assets (including the house) should be split between your children.

Take care when leaving aa life interest with regards to your DH/DC being able to afford to maintain the house. You may want to consider leaving a life assurance policy for him to rehouse himself!

His assets (whatever form they take and however much) should be split between HIS children or. your step children and your children together.

Doitrightnow · 23/07/2025 07:55

I'm in almost exactly this situation (except married).

I left all my assets to our joint dc. DH left his between all his dc. So that means if we both died, our joint dc would get my 50% + a third of DH's 50% (66.6% of the estate), and two DSC would get a third of DH's 50% each (ie 16.6% each).

DSC will also inherit from their own mothers of course.

ChristOlive · 23/07/2025 07:58

No way. Don’t disadvantage your own children for the sake of strangers OP. When your DP is living rent-free in your paid-off house, he can start saving for all his children if he wants to.

Original poster
HeyHowYouDoing · 23/07/2025 07:59

@myfavouritemutant Yes probably. It’s just there were other financial changes going on that made me think about it 😁

OP posts:
orangedream · 23/07/2025 08:01

So his children were 7 and 11 when you met and you've only met them a handful of times? That's very sad that they
aren't part of their father's family.

Original poster
HeyHowYouDoing · 23/07/2025 08:02

Isitreallysohard · 23/07/2025 07:14

No. My first question would be why do you have this set up and what does he contribute?

Show quote history

This set up would be because I have been more fortunate in life them.

OP posts:
Icanttakethisanymore · 23/07/2025 08:05

Ellmau · 23/07/2025 00:11

Not when you hardly know them.

I think this is the important part. If they had been younger when you met DP and you had been part of their lives then I think it would be nice to leave them something but in this situation I probably wouldn’t.

WearyAuldWumman · 23/07/2025 08:08

I would have left something to the SGD , in spite of never being allowed to be step- gran.

However, I was told that her mother thought that DH’s funeral would be too upsetting (she was 20) and never got a reply to the offer of a place at DH’s joint regimental memorial service.

They all got their inheritance from DH. They only contacted the solicitor when the bank declined two cheques. (The bank thought I was a victim of fraud.)

So far as any inheritance from me is concerned, they can swivel.

Love51 · 23/07/2025 08:10

I don't think you've mentioned the age of your own kids? I wouldn't want to do anything to tie my partner's hands if he end up lone parenting small children. Until your youngest is older you might want the money to go to your partner, not any of the children, do he can work less and help them through the grief.

Original poster
HeyHowYouDoing · 23/07/2025 08:14

washinwashoutrepeat · 23/07/2025 07:19

As you are not married and don’t have a close relationship with your SC, I wouldnt make it equal BUT I would leave them a share, as they are still part of the family and siblings to your children.

if you were a totally blended family, I would make it more equal.

can I ask why you haven’t married your DP? This will have an impact upon your rights to each others estate

Personal preference not to be married

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 23/07/2025 08:19

Am I the only one here thinking why are you even contemplating any of this? Whoever you may me inheriting from is presumably still alive. Nothing is guaranteed here. Anything can happen.

Daisyvodka · 23/07/2025 08:20

So has he been paying rent on a place nearer his children for the (presuming at least 12 since you said he was divorced well before you met) years and visiting them there, is that why you've not met them much/you havnt bought together?

Praying4Peace · 23/07/2025 08:23

HeyHowYouDoing · 23/07/2025 07:08

So if I paid 100% of the house, bills, maintenance etc you would expect half of that to belong to my DP?

Show quote history

Yes if he has been sharing the household expenses in proportion to his income.
Not relevant if you are in a position to pay more.
You are in a committed relationship with children.
If roles were reversed, it would be the same

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 23/07/2025 08:29

I think the standard would be for him to split his assets four ways between his four children and you to split yours two ways. I would possibly have an open conversation, when you are actually buying the house, with the step children saying that you are buying the house just from your inheritance but that you will ensure that their father has somewhere to live if you die first. I would not leave it as a shock for them to find out later that he has no share in the house.

ChristOlive · 23/07/2025 08:33

HeyHowYouDoing · 23/07/2025 08:14

Personal preference not to be married

Show quote history

Sensible with a blended family and unequal assets

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