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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU if I don't invite the whole class to a party?

57 replies

decafisnotthesame · 22/07/2025 16:09

My son turns 5 in September, just after starting reception. He wants a small party with 10-15 friends from his nursery. About 5 of these will also be in reception with him and the others will be at different primary schools.

I’ve now heard it’s the norm to invite the whole class in reception. I suggested this to him and we’d book a soft play but he’s adamant he doesn’t want a soft play party or lots of people.

I obviously want him to enjoy his party but also don’t want him (and me!) to then be excluded from other things as we’ll be blacklisted for not inviting the other 25 kids from his class.

I should add that large, loud gatherings with lots of kids are not something he typically enjoys. But also that it would be far easier for me to just invite the whole reception class than try and contact kids parents who have already left nursery for the summer 🤦🏻‍♀️

AIBU to want to do what’s best for him or do I just need to accept that the done thing is to invite the whole class?

OP posts:
SheSmellsSeaShells · 22/07/2025 16:11

No, do what’s best for him. There was a mix when DD was in reception. Just don’t invite most of the class and only leave out a couple of kids!

flumpering · 22/07/2025 16:12

I’ve never invited the whole class to any of my kids parties. They’ve always had around 10-15 friends. The whole class would be an expensive party

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/07/2025 16:12

YANBU at all. It’s his birthday, he knows what he’ll enjoy. It sounds lovely.

TheCosyViewer · 22/07/2025 16:12

Or have the party a little early, before he starts school.

Han86 · 22/07/2025 16:13

I think it's very much area and year group dependant. This was never the done thing with my children when they were in reception (though one did start when covid was still an issue) but now working in the school I have noticed the younger years are now doing this.

Do what you and your son want. If you are only inviting a few from school then it's not really an issue, it would only be rude if you left one or two out from the class.

melisma · 22/07/2025 16:13

Rule of thumb in reception seemed to be that half or less of the class is absolutely fine (so as pp have said that no one feels particularly singled out/left out). Have fun!

Yiayoula · 22/07/2025 16:13

His party,his choice I think .

Maybe he can take some cake or biscuits into school to share with all his classmates, if that’s an option ?

BarnacleBeasley · 22/07/2025 16:13

You won't be blacklisted, the other parents (a) won't care, and (b) won't even know it's his birthday (or who he is, since it's in September).

SALaw · 22/07/2025 16:13

Had 2 kids go through primary school. No one ever did a whole class party. Very sensible.

Poodley · 22/07/2025 16:13

Surely most of the class wouldn't even know he's had a party?

I can understand why he wouldn't want a class party - his classmates won't actually be his friends by then anyway.

In short - it's fine.

charlieandjenna · 22/07/2025 16:14

My daughter is 23 now but I never did whole class parties. We just invited the friends she wanted there. I think that was fairly normal at the time and she still got invited to her friends parties too

JaneGrint · 22/07/2025 16:14

I think it’s fine to not invite the whole class if it’s a small party like the one you’re planning, where there’s only about 5 of his classmates invited.

What would be a bit off would be the reverse scenario where you were inviting almost all of the class except for a few kids.

RCJJ · 22/07/2025 16:14

It definitely was the norm for full class parties with mine in reception. We went to about 20 parties that school year!! But there was one or two smaller parties. I think as his is September it’s so early on it won’t even be noticed, so go for it!

CherryYellowCouch · 22/07/2025 16:15

The generally accepted “rule” is less than half the class or the whole class.

It’s also usually considered ok to invite just the boys or just the girls (but I’d avoid that if the class of very unbalanced eg 10 girls and 3 boys)

MsNevermore · 22/07/2025 16:15

I’ve never done a whole class party for any of my children 🤷🏻‍♀️

If I was having a birthday party, would I invite the entire staff from work?
No 🫠😂
I’d invite the people I’d actually like to be there. No different for kid’s birthdays.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 22/07/2025 16:21

I’ve hosted several whole class parties, but it’s definitely not the norm. There were quite a few others who did in my younger DD’s class, but well under half the class which means most didn’t, and far fewer in my eldest’s class. Not everyone is in a position to do it. Not everyone wants to do it either. I never remotely took offence at my kids not being invited to someone else’s party just because we invited them. The party is for your child and what they want absolutely should come first. Nice people will understand, and frankly people who don’t understand are not people who’s good opinion you want anyway.

Howtotrainarabbit · 22/07/2025 16:23

I think it's fine to not invite the whole class as long as you're not excluding just one or two children

bumblebeedum · 22/07/2025 16:27

absolutely fine to do what you’re suggesting. The only thing that’s not fine is inviting the majority of a class and excluding a few children, you’re only inviting 5 out of presumably 30 which is completely fine and based on children he knows. Not everyone has whole class parties, my son has had some years when he’s requested no party and a big family day out instead.

Original poster
decafisnotthesame · 22/07/2025 16:30

Thanks so much everyone, that's really helpful and has put my mind at rest. I'm a massive overthinker so just didn't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
FancyCatSlave · 22/07/2025 16:37

We do whole class BUT DD goes to a teeny school with mixed age classes, the whole of Reception and Y1 (1 class) last year was 15 kids total.

This year we are inviting 30 as a combination of school and outside school friends but I’m hoping we have nearer to 20 attending as I don’t really want 30. But she will be Y1 and has friends that will be Y2 as well as Reception and Y1 so it’s fairer to
invite them all and hope that a good few of the bigger ones aren’t interested.

Rocknrollstar · 22/07/2025 17:18

Do be prepared for him not be invited to every party if you are only inviting a selected few.

BebbanburgIsMine · 22/07/2025 18:00

We don’t have reception in Scotland, but from P1 onwards I just had small parties in the house, with a few of DDs friends.

It wasn’t the done thing to have whole class parties then (90’s) and we all knew that the children all had their own friends, I never knew anyone who had the whole class there, no-one was ever offended. No one minded not getting invited to everyone’s party.

If my DDs were school age now, I’d still do the same.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 22/07/2025 18:05

I think invite who you want - but it’s kinder to give invites out of sight of other children if not inviting the whole class.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 22/07/2025 18:06

Wasn’t the norm at my DC’s school . Admittedly it was a few years back but I can’t see that financial situations for young families have improved in the meantime. The only whole class party I recall at my DC’s school was for the child of one of the teaching assistants and I imagine she felt a bit of pressure due to her role.

jasminocereusbritannicus · 22/07/2025 20:42

I’ve never, ever done whole classes… my kids had a few close friends and we went out somewhere, then came home and had tea with them.
Why entertain children who your child doesn’t get along with? Not to mention the expense and ending up entertaining tag -along siblings!!!
Do what’s best for your child, not what is “expected “.