AIBU if I don't invite the whole class to a party?

[decafisnotthesame]

My son turns 5 in September, just after starting reception. He wants a small party with 10-15 friends from his nursery. About 5 of these will also be in reception with him and the others will be at different primary schools.

I’ve now heard it’s the norm to invite the whole class in reception. I suggested this to him and we’d book a soft play but he’s adamant he doesn’t want a soft play party or lots of people.

I obviously want him to enjoy his party but also don’t want him (and me!) to then be excluded from other things as we’ll be blacklisted for not inviting the other 25 kids from his class.

I should add that large, loud gatherings with lots of kids are not something he typically enjoys. But also that it would be far easier for me to just invite the whole reception class than try and contact kids parents who have already left nursery for the summer 🤦🏻‍♀️

AIBU to want to do what’s best for him or do I just need to accept that the done thing is to invite the whole class?

It’s fine to make your son happy.

Ive got a son who has just finished reception.

Most people do whole class round us. But a few definitely did less than half the class. I know a few of the girls did girls only parties for example. I wouldn’t worry, as long as you aren’t excluding a few - only inviting a few is fine. Most whole class parties are just posted on the WhatsApp group to everyone so he won’t miss out.

Just do what he wants, as long as it doesn't mean only one or two children in his class miss out

I think you’re overthinking it. Just do the party he wants. DS has just finished reception and been to both full class parties and smaller parties with just a few people. Both are perfectly fine and I would imagine the smaller parties are either down to what the child wants or cost.

As a parent it would never occur to me to exclude a child or blacklist them because DS hadn’t been invited to their party, not in a million years and anyone that thinks that is incredibly petty. The only issue would be if you invited the whole class but excluded one or two children then that wouldn’t be on but that’s not what your son is suggesting so I’d just crack on with what he wants and don’t worry,

YANBU. The party is for your child, he knows what type of party he’s like/who he’d like to invite.

Nobody here does class parties, some children don’t even do one. Those who do either invite a few friends to their home or book a soft play/climbing activity for around 10 friends or slightly more in a hall with an entertainer.

Do what is best for your child. His close friends will still invite him to their parties. Good luck!

One of my DS was invited to a whole class party once. The most important thing is that noone feels rejected. So you can't invite 8 out of 10 boys but 5 out of 10 is fine for ex.

I wouldnt think it was ok to invite say 28 out of 30 but less than half the class hes friends with seems reasonable

Ahh, no, I was going to say YANBU unless it's something like a Sept/Oct birthday for a Reception child and now I see that's exactly your dilemma. Normally, I'd say it's important for the early Reception parties to be whole class as friendships aren't yet formed (between either children or parents) and it's good to be friendly and open to what develops.

But if it's going to be stressful and upsetting for your child then I do think that still takes priority.

Do what works for you. It is very normal to ask whole class at his age but honestly no one card if you asked who you wanted. It's not worth thinking about. Just let your ds enjoy his birthday with people he knows and cares about

I will invite;

Less than a third of the class, mixed boys and girls

or

Only boys/only girls

or

the whole class

I think what you’ve suggested sounds fine.
There’s absolutely no need to do a whole class party.

Give your son the party he wants.
Different schools have different rules about invitations being given out in school, snd dome only allow it to ve done if the whole class are invited. However, you said the ones in his reception class are at nursery with him now, so I assume you ve the parents details anyway and don't need to give invites out in school

I think it's fine especially at his birthday is so early you won't know who his reception friends are yet. DS has a November birthday and we did do a whole class party (nothing fancy, church hall, bouncy castle, party games) for similar reasons didn't know who his closest friends would be by November, invitations went out in October, his was a bit late to only invite nursery friends as he had made new friends in the first half term. I wouldn't have done that though if DS didn't want it (he actually got hold of some leftover invitations and handed them out in the playground 🤦‍♂️)

Invite who you want.The whole class birthdays are a hassle. Other parents might follow your lead and do smaller parties. Enjoy the weekends when you’re not invited.

I would do the whole class party. It's a good chance to meet all the other parents and children your child will be at school with for primary school with a September birthday, and will set a precedent for your child getting lots of invites back to future parties!
Sounds harsh but the nursery friends will be forgotten quite quickly from September.

DS was 5 on his 3rd day in Reception. He had a small party with a few friends (one or two who were now in his class) that weekend, and a whole class party when he was 6.

Whole class parties are not the norm if you don't make them such AND 10 to 15 children is not a small party! 5or 6 is ample forca good time for them all.... honestly

On here parents take it very personally and can be devastaed over kids parties, we have never invited the whole class and never expect an invitation ourselves

Not if you are my child. I’m a complete introvert and a party is my idea of hell on earth but my DD is the biggest extrovert and likes big disco parties with everyone she has ever met ideally. She even knows how to work the room and stood on the stage at the last one and did everyone a rendition of Let it go. I often wonder if I brought the wrong one home from hospital!

If I invited only 5 she’d be devastated! But I do hope that in a few more years I can move her on to small group activities instead of parties as I literally needed to take tablets and lie down for 24hrs after the last party.

I just invited his pals from school. About 5 kids.
Cousins, neighbours, other pals made up the rest.

Did you forget it's the DS's birthday & he wants to invite his friends????

if you want to 'network' arrange a different gathering. Don't use your child!

Do what he wants. My DD did not want a class party in reception but did in year one. The only thing I insist on is that if they want most of the girls in a class they have to invite all of the girls so there's no leaving out. She's invited to a mixture of smaller and whole class parties. Noone takes offence.

We did whole class parties for age 4, 5, 6. It was the norm at age 5 in our school. I think they're particularly good at that age because most parents stay and it's a good chance to chat socially for the parents - lots of parents here have nannies doing drop offs or kids staying in after school clubs so you don't see them day to day. We didn't invite any kids from nursery once dc started reception - my dcs have summer birthdays and they were forgotten by then.

Of course YANBU not to invite the whole class.

I've managed to get 3 dc through school without EVER holding a whole class party.

In truth, 15 sounds like far too many for a little chap who "doesn't want.... lots of people" and for whom "loud gatherings with lots of kids are not something he typically enjoys"

You'd be very, very unreasonable to make your son uncomfortable because you are worried about what people think.

Being the parent of a child with an early September birthday, you have the power here to stop other parents feeling pressured into doing something they don't want to do, by actually hosting something that suits your ds.

I have a similar dilemma.

My DD is 5 a few days after starting reception. There are another 9 kids from her nursery going to the school but some will be in the other class (3).

We have a WhatsApp group already for the whole year and our individual classes (don’t think everybody has joined yet mind) so I have some names of those who will be in her class from September as some people have introduced themselves (maybe about 10 others) and said which class their child is going into. There is also a picnic in a park organised for end of August which is another opportunity to meet some new school pals but not long to make friends really.

Then we have other friends from nursery
present and past, baby classes, NCT etc. We also know 3 kids from other places going into the other class. At the moment I’m thinking I invite her known friends plus the nursery ones going to her school and then maybe all the ones who have introduced themselves. That’s potentially 30/40 though! I have hired a village hall as cheaper than soft play and an entertainer person to help control the masses.

I was thinking maybe to just do a whole class party next year instead but apparently just to add to the fun they mix them up again after reception year so some of her pals may be in the other class next year too!! September birthdays are tricky - people have said either don’t bother or invite whole class so your kid doesn’t get excluded for the year. If I could get away with no party this year I would but she is so sociable and has been talking about a party for months 🤣

When DS was 5 he had a birthday party - he invited half his class - invites given out at school. At home time the teacher told me that this wasn’t fair so she’s invited the other half!
This was 20+ years ago - I accepted it and didn’t say anything