Reduced Child Maintenance

[Intothesunshine]

Best give some background:

I have had a good job and decent pay for many years. When married was classed as main breadwinner although my ex wife worked in a local school as a fulltime TA.

We have a DS who is now 15.

We divorced in 2021 so dear son was 11.

Divorce was messy and financial settlement used my pension pots as capital versus value of house and ex wife's income, outcome was that I had to sign over the house to her in full, a painful experience.

I also agreed £750 a month child maintenance for our dear son, plus £15 a week pocket money paid into DS's bank.

Last year I became severely ill and had to take 5 months sick leave, some paid and some unpaid. I maintained the £750 child maintenance payments throughout my sick leave, however in the final month I could only afford £300. When trying to discuss this via text messages my ex became quite rude and obnoxious.

In the final few weeks of my sick leave my Dr said there was no way I could return to work in the same capacity and suggested I apply for Ill Heath Retirement.

I completed the application process and to summarise the story the pension provider agreed to Ill Health Retirement.

My pension is now a 1/4 of what I used to earn and therefore I tried to explain this to my ex wife and my offer of £250 a month. That went down like a lead balloon. My response was for her to approach the Child Maintenance Service at DWP.
She has now done so and the calculations are being checked.

I know it's a huge drop in payments but at age 64 I really didn't forsee having to take Ill health retirement.

Am I being unreasonable???

We don’t know what he own earnings are do we? Or what money she might get from other sources like family. The fact that she went doesn’t mean that all the maintenance is completely spare money, which can be cut at a moment‘s notice.

And why shouldn’t the DS be taken on holidays, even if this is partly funded from CM? The ex might have saved for a long time for this.

I mean she might not have, but she can’t be both totally without other income and not need the maintenance because she has so much money.

i wonder what the ex’s plan was? You only talk about o/p supporting the child, she has a responsibility to do so as well.

Quite.

In a 'together' family, if there's a change of circumstances, you just have to deal with it together. There's simply less money coming in. It always mystifies me that with separated fathers, there's somehow an expectation that sums of money will be 'ring fenced' and will be immune to future changes. Its unrealistic.

Yes what I don't get is why I e teenager coats£1500 plus a month to keep. I didn't have that income when I had 2 teens and a primary aged child

As someone who gets 0 CM payments because DD dad is a useless sack of crap I’d be happy with £250 a month. People don’t expect to be medically retired but unfortunately this has happened it’s not the posters fault. £250 is generous and in a couple years the payments will stop!! I’m sure that if the child stays in education 16+ the money goes directly to the child until 18. £750 is ridiculous amount to pay. I work full time and my take home pay is £1660 plus I get CB and SCP. I manage to live of this with a 12DD. Xxx

So she’ll now have to cut her cloth, won’t she? She works full time and lives in a mortgage free house. Meanwhile the golden goose has just had a 75% cut in income, she’s just going to have to manage.

Thanks for all the responses -

Were we more sympathetic than you expected??

I fully support that men (or women) need to pay CM and think it’s awful that they don’t for years on end
but at the end of the day if you haven’t got the money and you’re unwell, you can’t pay what you were paying
if you drop dead tomorrow, you can’t carry on paying it either

I’m talking about now, not when they got divorced. It’s now, when the circumstances have changed, that she’s having tantrums about the money. There is no reason the mother of a 15 year old couldn’t earn her own money if the income from her ex reduces.

The responses were mixed and I wasn't looking for sympathy.

Everyone has different circumstances and different views on these type of issues.

Overal I think the majority of responders think I am being easonable, and that was my question.

@intothesunshine just ignore the goady poster. You clearly can't be that bad to have a private arrangement for £750 per month. It demonstrates you willingly paid this rather than CMS forcing you. Most people don't earn that type of money to pay out in the 1st place!

I'm sure your ex will come to her senses and your Son is of age now for your ex to work full time and not pay for childcare.