To think i deserve some privacy

[Forthelovagod]

Partners daughter back home for summer from uni. She comes home after 11pm, we are in bed having sex, he jumps under covers and shouts her through for a chat because we were away the night before and he hadn't seen her since getting back.
Lying there under the duvet making small talk makes me incredibly uncomfortable not to mention frustrated because after the chat its game over.

He thinks im being unreasonable as he hadn't seen her. I think its unnecessary, she lives independently in term time and she certainly wouldn't call him through for a chat if she was lying in bed with her boyfriend.

Aibu

That’s weird and creepy, it will be obvious that you’ve just been having sex, you’ll be lying there with nothing on, hiding under the covers. He should get up, put something on and go speak to her. Does she not feel
awkward either?

I’d never go back.

I’m the parent in this scenario - female with late teen young adult kids. . My dp doesn’t have kids. I’d no more do this than fly to the moon. It’s gross for all concerned.

Haven’t seen your daughter in 2 days? So what talk to her downstairs in the morning ya freak. Uuugh.

When I first read the OP I thought that as the daughter had 'just returned from uni' that the partner hadn't seen her for months. In that case then, although it would still be a weird thing to do, I could forgive it on the grounds that it was a one-off brain fart. But to do it because he hasn't seen her for two days, and to do the same thing quite often?! Deeply, deeply weird and icky, and I'm pretty sure it would only happen the once with me.

I wouldn’t of felt comfortable carrying on as soon as you heard daughter come in so the fact you stopped is a non issue

and it’s the norm he shouts her in for a chat

not great but each to there own

I think it’s pretty grim and ridiculous that some posters are trying to to put a perv angle on this

Just to clarify a few points.... He wasn't inviting her into sit on the bed, just into the doorway of the room.

It is a bungalow so she isnt downstairs but yes i agree he couod go through and speak if he felt it necessary but like some have said its two days not months.

We had been away overnight the night before, he probably feels guilty he wasnt there at home for her.

Its most definitely not the first time its happened and i feel it's becoming a bigger issue, at first although it upset me i thought he was just trying to let the dd gently get used to him having a woman in his life.

Im posting now because its more than a week on and we had just argued about it mostly because there had been no sex initiated since and i was feeling like our relationship was not going as id like. When i brought up the calling dd through he got annoyed saying ffs forthelovagod i hadn't seen her in 2 days...... And i guess i wanted reassurance i wasn't being out of order feeling pissed about that.

'Not great but each to there [sic] own'

Yes, and it's clearly not the OP's 'own' to be making small talk with her partner's daughter mere seconds after he's hurriedly whipped his cock out of her and where it must be blindingly obvious what they were up to. It wouldn't be my 'own' or the 'own' of any woman I know. No it's not a pervy thing (I'm not sure anybody has said that btw), and I don't want to descend into pop psychology, but it is bloody odd.

I think I'd get up, go have a shower, get dressed and go home at that point.

I would absolutely hate being in that situation. If he really can’t wait until the next morning to see her then I would ask him to get up, put something on and go and talk to her downstairs. If he refuses and says it’s his house, his rules, what he is comfortable with I wouldn’t stay there again. That would be my rule for my comfort. If I actually wanted to continue a relationship with the weirdo he would have to come to my house.

He’s not a keeper OP.

It's giving me the ick. The fact that when i brought it up he was pretty pissed off does not sit well with me.
We had a recent holiday together which left me cold, his parenting is just so opposite of mine. We clash big time in what we think is appropriate.

Then it’s obvious that you aren’t a good match.
Are you having a problem with knowing how to end the relationship. After all, your reasons are very valid and you sound confident in them ans sensible about it.
Why not just explain that with different attitudes to parenting, the relationship has now run its course and you wish him all the best for the future.

Yeah i hear you but we have been friends for a long time before we got together. Its tricky. I love him but this is becoming a problem. I'd hoped in time it would settle down. He's been single a long time.

I understand completely him not wanting her to hear you having sex and stopping. Does he stay at your place? You might need to do more or that while she's home from uni.

If he wants to chat he needs to get up and go to her and not to invite her into your private space for a chat.

I wouldn't be happy if my DP stopped sex and immediately left the room though.

Dear God, I would return him to his single-hood, that is absolutely not an appropriate way to behave with a partner in your bed whether you had been having sex or not!
No matter who's house you are staying in the moment a couple are sharing the bedroom unrelated (adult) children should have boundaries.
The fact he has no thought for your feelings about the intrusion says it all really.

I would finish it because, he’s not that interested in you, he feels he is betraying his daughter by being with you. He invited her to talk in the doorway to reassure her, that he doesn’t need privacy from her. That she is free to walk in whenever she wants as he doesn’t want to put boundaries down incase she feels pushed out or ignored. He isn’t emotionally ready for a relationship.

Maybe he is worried she can overhear you having sex

I think you’re just too different.

Many people have a lot of trauma from childhood and being exposed to their parents having sex and so they go the opposite.

If you all lived together and this was a regular thing then I would hate it but I would be ok with not having sex whilst she’s in the house as it’s not that often and you can both just go to yours.

I know my friend had this exact same argument with her DP.
He doesn’t have kids and doesn’t like them coming into the bedroom for the same reasons as you but she says her room is just as much for her kids and she was a single parent for so long that it was normal for them to come in regularly just to chat.

If you really like him then perhaps for now just stay over at yours and see how you get on in the next few weeks.

The fact that this happened a week ago and it’s still causing issues doesn’t sound great.

I get his point

I think its a bit sick tbh.

Like if she'd knocked and youd both talked from under the duvet..OK. But inviting her in while hes barely pulled out is kinda rank.

He could have got up, put on a dressing gown and gone downstairs for a cuppa with her if it was that important.

Can't imagine she didn't also feel awkward

I wouldnt think it was odd if you were in bed reading or had just woken up.

But I dont think he should interupt sex and call her in. I think thats awkward and inappropriate

And I think your feelings should matter

100% this

Icky not tricky.

You don't have to tolerate this nonsense you know.

Very fucking weird OP, sorry! Tell your dp he's an absolute odd bod!!

He's just eeeeeewww! 😖

Well, friendship is now over.

And you've discovered why he's always single!