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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think i deserve some privacy

74 replies

Forthelovagod · 21/07/2025 23:43

Partners daughter back home for summer from uni. She comes home after 11pm, we are in bed having sex, he jumps under covers and shouts her through for a chat because we were away the night before and he hadn't seen her since getting back.
Lying there under the duvet making small talk makes me incredibly uncomfortable not to mention frustrated because after the chat its game over.

He thinks im being unreasonable as he hadn't seen her. I think its unnecessary, she lives independently in term time and she certainly wouldn't call him through for a chat if she was lying in bed with her boyfriend.

Aibu

OP posts:
Testerical · 22/07/2025 01:07

It doesn’t creep you out? It really, really should.

No male with appropriate sexual boundaries and who is parent of an adult human female would think it appropriate to let said grown woman into his bed, which he shares with an unrelated female, just because she comes in the door from a night out and has missed daddy.

Gather your belongings and get the fuck out of there.

Teanbiscuits33 · 22/07/2025 03:37

It’s a weird thing to do but it seems like it may be linked to some sort of shame response in him. He doesn’t like to think that he may be known to be having sex when someone else is in the house so he just instinctively jumped off and tried to act normally and sort of ‘’prove’’ to her that everything was normal!

That’s the only innocent reason I can think of. It wouldn’t necessarily have been obvious that you were just having sex just because you were in bed together at night under the covers with no tops on. It is hot recently and it’s normal to be in bed at that time. As long as nothing was visible!

I wouldn’t do the same if my child came home but I can imagine doing something similar if I was a teenager and my mum had come home when I was having sex. I may not call her in for a chat but I’d probably panic and think, ‘’oh God, what if she catches or hears us!’’ and maybe he’s just not got rid of that feeling!

thelakeisle · 22/07/2025 03:51

He's a fucking weirdo. Did he actually stop having sex to do this? If so, ewwwwwwwwwww.

And if he had JUST finished sex why the fuck would he call her in either?

Either way, just weird as fuck, absolutely strange and pretty shit. He should have got up when you were finished, given himself a quick clean up, put some clothes on and gone to talk to her.

Plus now he's gaslighting you pretending he doesn't get it.

LAMPS1 · 22/07/2025 04:01

I would no longer accept his invitation to be a guest in his house after this happened the first time.
It’s not worth the repeated discomfort and argument. And the wondering what he’s trying to prove. Just a firm and decisive ‘No thanks, that scenario isn’t one I relish at all….so not for me if you don’t mind’

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 22/07/2025 04:29

Forthelovagod · 22/07/2025 00:38

Yuk its most definitely not. He jumps off me like he's been up to something he shouldn't be mostly because he doesn't want her to feel uncomfortable if she comes home and he's clearly busy wirh me and he's terrified she will hear us as 'no one wants to hear their Dad at it.

Show quote history

Pretty sure nobody wants to see their dad at it either, yet he invited her into the room... 😮

SuffolkUnicorn · 22/07/2025 04:49

Sure

Themorningof · 22/07/2025 05:06

You posted this as 11.43pm

Had all this just happened?

Cucy · 22/07/2025 05:15

I think it’s ok to stop having sex.

Some parents are uncomfortable with their kids hearing them have sex (so they should be).

I also think it’s fine to call her into the bedroom, as this is their little routine.

However, I would feel uncomfortable that I was naked and in the middle of sex and then she comes in.

I would tell him that you feel uncomfortable with this and in future you would like to clean yourself up and get changed before calling her in.

Im not sure why you’re feeling frustrated though because he hadn’t seen her for 2 days and so you could have had lots of sex then.

His DD is always going to come first.
You can choose not to sleep over his when she is home.

Cucy · 22/07/2025 05:15

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 22/07/2025 04:29

Pretty sure nobody wants to see their dad at it either, yet he invited her into the room... 😮

Show quote history

They weren’t having sex when he invited her into the bedroom.

becausewecancan · 22/07/2025 05:20

I'd find it very creepy that he thinks this is normal. I understand not wanting your child (or anyone, frankly) hearing you in bed, but this isn't the way to handle that.

Not seeing your uni-aged child for two days doesn't seem that extreme, either. It's certainly no reason to stop abruptly in the middle of sex and call said child into the room while your partners hides under the covers. The whole thing is deeply weird, and his explanation makes little sense.

Cucy · 22/07/2025 05:22

Testerical · 22/07/2025 01:07

It doesn’t creep you out? It really, really should.

No male with appropriate sexual boundaries and who is parent of an adult human female would think it appropriate to let said grown woman into his bed, which he shares with an unrelated female, just because she comes in the door from a night out and has missed daddy.

Gather your belongings and get the fuck out of there.

He’s not inviting her into the bed with him and OP.

Devilsmommy · 22/07/2025 05:29

So he literally halted the sex to immediately invite his daughter into the room for a chat because he hadn't seen her in two days? That is just creepy and weird 😳

Shenmen · 22/07/2025 06:05

Forthelovagod · 22/07/2025 00:38

Yuk its most definitely not. He jumps off me like he's been up to something he shouldn't be mostly because he doesn't want her to feel uncomfortable if she comes home and he's clearly busy wirh me and he's terrified she will hear us as 'no one wants to hear their Dad at it.

Show quote history

He is right to stop shagging (weird to carry on) but not to call her in.

IberianBlackout · 22/07/2025 06:06

@Cucy I agree with most of your comment but the issue wasn’t about having sex before or similar, the issue is that he interrupts it suddenly to call DD in.

I’d be fuming (and it’s a bit weird to have her walk in so soon after stopping, tbh).

Cucy · 22/07/2025 06:19

IberianBlackout · 22/07/2025 06:06

@Cucy I agree with most of your comment but the issue wasn’t about having sex before or similar, the issue is that he interrupts it suddenly to call DD in.

I’d be fuming (and it’s a bit weird to have her walk in so soon after stopping, tbh).

Yes I would want to clean myself up and get it some clothes on definitely!

It’s not the stopping having sex or calling her in to the bedroom that’s inappropriate, it’s how soon he does it and whether they are still naked etc.

OP doesn’t actually say how long it is.

If he hears her come through the front door and they quickly throw some clothes on etc then when she finally comes upstairs he calls her in - that’s fine.

But if it’s literally rolling off OP and calling her in straight away then I would definitely be uncomfortable.

MsDDxx · 22/07/2025 07:00

Shenmen · 22/07/2025 06:05

He is right to stop shagging (weird to carry on) but not to call her in.

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Why would it be weird to carry on? It’s not like she’s watching and you can be quiet!

DreamTheMoors · 22/07/2025 07:07

He’s never going to choose you over his daughter.

He’s made that perfectly, audibly, blindingly clear - in words and deeds.

Relaxd · 22/07/2025 07:08

Definitely odd. He could have just said to her, I’ll be down in a few minutes, and then apologised to you.

cramptramp · 22/07/2025 07:10

Very, very odd behaviour.

Joboomer · 22/07/2025 07:21

If this a genuine scenario, it is as weird as fuck!!
What is the daughter's take on it? How does she tell her mates at college about interrupting her dads sex sessions with his GF? It is probably an on going funny story with them.
OP do you really want to continue a relationship with a bloke with no sense of respect for you or appropriate behaviour with his teenage DD? No sense of decorum.

Shenmen · 22/07/2025 07:23

MsDDxx · 22/07/2025 07:00

Why would it be weird to carry on? It’s not like she’s watching and you can be quiet!

Show quote history

I guess it's just me then! I hate having a shag when our kids are in now they are up later than us. Either early morning whilst they are asleep or when they are out (which is a lot 😁). It probably depends on how big someone's house is too. Ours is small with pokey bedrooms all next to each other.

ZoomingSusan · 22/07/2025 07:36

You might need to say to him that staying over when DD is there (or at least when she’s likely to come home at a time you’re having sex) doesn’t work for you so what is the alternative? There must be one if you both care enough about your relationship to find it.

SpryCat · 22/07/2025 07:51

He feels uncomfortable having you, naked in his bed, it’s like he wants to prove, he wasn’t doing anything, to reassure her, that nothing has changed, she is still the woman of the house. Except when she comes in, it’s obvious you are both naked, making small talk, pretending he’s still single and he’s having a sleepover with a platonic friend.
He could’ve put a dressing gown on and left the bedroom, closing the door behind him, to talk to her but a closed door indicates privacy and he doesn’t want to put boundaries down.

BCBird · 22/07/2025 07:55

That is weird. I would not be impressed. If I was lying in bed awake and he shouted 'night Anna' and she shouted 'night dad' then fine. To call through when we were having sex-ick

MrsMillyFluff · 22/07/2025 07:58

Also... wouldn't the room smell of sex? It's been pretty hot lately and that's all I can think of. On the basis of what you've told us, I would be out of that relationship like a flash.