to consider private school...

[MyLilacSheep]

... even though my husband thinks it's a waste of money?
Posting here for traffic.

We are thinking about moving house with 2 sons ages 2 and 1. We are thinking about schools. Husband is only considering house A because he can't see the value added in a private school.

House A is in a nicer area, rural, has a few small local primaries and a lovely nursery I have my eye on. Grammar school area, nearest is co-ed. House is a little more expensive. Closer to the sea

I found house B however closer to where we live currently, further from the sea, area still nice but not as nice, has a very small local CofE primary, single-sex grammar nearby. It also has a prep school nearby with an attached pre-school. It is an international school, so more opportunity for the boys to become proficient in another language. We can afford it, not very comfortably but we wouldn't be scrimping. House is cheaper here too by 45k. Husband not as keen.

I just want your opinions really on whether it is fair for me to be considering this, and your experiences of all the school options I have laid out. I am overthinking this like crazy and just want someone to analyse it for me! Sorry it's a long one, first time posting!

Well no you can’t consider it if your DH isn’t on board. You both need to agree on where to live and what school to send your kids to.

Both have to be in agreement or it won’t work

International schools do not give your kids any more of an opportunity to learn a language than any other school. They just cater more for international students.

Saving £45k on a house is not going to fund 2 kids through private school.

I vote with DH on option A in your scenario.

You need to be looking long-haul. Cost of independent education goes up as they get older, so if it would be a stretch now in younger years, it may be unreachable during the later years. Also need to take into account additional costs - uniform etc tend to cost more. I believe in the Independent education route, but only if you do your research first. What are your plans for the next 15 years worth of education? If its tight now, I would perhaps suggest sending them to the good local primary and looking at Independent education from yr7/8 when it is leading up to exams.

I would only consider private school if I could comfortably afford it or if the state options were terrible. It would be cheaper to go to state school and hire a language tutor if that’s your thing.

Who knows what will happen with school fees later. They may increase by more than your wages do, what then? Or if there is a job loss? I wouldn’t want my child’s education to be impacted in that way. Speaking from experience, going from a private school into a state school later on in your education is a difficult transition.

£45k saving on a house probably wouldn’t cover even a year of school fees.

IMO prep school fees aren’t really ‘worth it’ now - the fees are too high.

House A sounds nice anyway.

Assume £250-350k per child for private school fees all the way though.

If your DH thinks it’s a waste of money, I don’t know how you come to agree to spending that kind of money…!

I am pro-independent especially with crisis in state sector currently BUT:

• have you factored in yearly fees rises AND vat?
• viability of local independent school? We are seeing 67%+ increase in schools closing due to VAT. Do very thorough research into finances + viability
• the local state option (including secondary + 6th form) in terms of results/facilities/enrichment etc. A very good state school may make paying for independent school pointless
• Contingency for losing job etc

Thanks for the responses. Husband only really mentioned it in passing, I've been doing the research on the school front. I've deliberately over-estimated costs of trips, uniforms etc. and tallied it up, it is within our budget, just would mean less 'once in a lifetime' kind of trips and that sort of thing. The school is bilingual, which is its main selling point in my eyes. Probably wouldn't consider it otherwise.

One option is to send your children to prep school and then, like very many parents do, send them to the grammar schools after as they will have more chance of passing the entrance exams.

I worked in a non-selective independent secondary school and the behaviour was poor, the teaching was not that great and I would not have sent my children there. Where does the prep-school feed into? Is there a high quality independent secondary school nearby that you could choose if you decide to go that way instead of a grammar school.

Another factor is - your children are very small, and the prep-school could change in the next 4-5 years, change of Head teacher, financial issues, things that may change the quality of the teaching. Is the lifestyle of living near the sea in a house you really like worth giving up if there is a good primary and grammar schools nearby?

I also prefer the idea of single sex secondary in theory, but have heard girls have a civilising effect on boys!

Or you could raise your boys to not need girls to regulate their behaviour for them

Single sex is beneficial for girls but not for boys however to use girls as a "civilising" force is blatantly misogynistic.

Here here

I'd consider plan A

As a pp said, international school doesn't mean your kid will learn another language

I have heard some say co-ed is better for boys and single sex better for girls is all I mean, I absolutely do not intend on being misogynistic - I am keen on the all boys school. I just want all opinions.

So you'd expect these parents to actually parent? Sacre bleu! Throw money at the problem instead 😂

@MyLilacSheep OP, if you want your kids to go to an international school and to learn a language proficiently - move abroad.

Otherwise, House A from your first post makes sense. Nicer area, closer to the sea.

And you never know, perhaps the private school options near houseB have a minibus route with a wide reach (e.g. to house A) that would collect the children and bring them in.

I would go option A, personally.

Your children are still very young. How will you know which school environment would suit them best until they’re a little older?

Option A and offer extra curricular activities to your boys, or even tutoring when they’re older.

I never went private and I am fluent in 3 languages. You do not need a private education for that.

If your kids are 2 snd 1 you have no idea of their academic abilities - don’t bank on them being able to pass the 11+ test just because they’ve gone to prep school. Our school is full of super smart couples with multiple degrees and big jobs, all of whom expected their kids to be top of the class when they went to school. Very few passed the 11+ and many of the kids came out average or below.

I think you’d be crazy to spend on private primary given the cost and the fact that it would compromise your life. The fees are a huge millstone and leave no flexibility if one of you loses your job.

Put them in state primary and save the money for secondary when it really matters. If they are bright tutor them for the 11+. You’ll have the cash at hand send them private if they don’t pass.

Do you speak the second language at home? If not I’m not sure if they’ll end up genuinely bilingual anyway or why that’s worth c£140k of your post tax income?

FYI @MyLilacSheep in UK we generally get primary years right in state, it's secondary where the wheels come off. IMO save your money and go state until Yr 4 or wait until Yr 7 to go independent. You will have time to save plus know more about your DC and what their strengths etc are.

Unless money is no object, I think private school has become the resort of the desperate, facing being allocated places at failing state schools or those whose children have special needs.

Could you compromise with your dh, and plan private school from 11.?

I think some state schools may have changed since you went to school.

The comprehensive we were offered, they couldn't provide a French teacher at all for years 7,8 and 9. Their part time French teacher was available only to Years 10 & 11.

And that's assuming you can make the switch because good comprehensives can be massively oversubscribed. So, even though the council would find you a place at a state school somewhere, it may not be the one you want. If the local state school options are good, it's probably best to stick with those.

As it’s a prep school, do you intend to move house so that the kids can keep up their second language at a senior school that teaches the language?
MFL teaching at state schools (I’m including grammar) is very poor as retaining MFL teachers is very difficult post Brexit. (Btw I’m assuming that you are talking about a European language and that you don’t speak it so can’t maintain their language at home)
You are also making a massive assumption that your kids will be grammar material. What percentage of kids go to grammar where you live? It can be anything from top 2% to top 20% depending on your county. Private schools generally don’t prepare for 11+ state exams so I’m guessing that you would leave the prep at 11 rather than 13 so that you get a spot at a good school. It’s very important to check the comprehensives that you would get from each address just in case.