To let 12 year old DS get ear lobes pierced?

[Anotherdaysameolddrama]

DH thinks I am the height of irresponsible and that DS will be bullied mercilessly after the holidays.

DS12 has wanted both ears pierced since he was 10. Back then he was doing sport multiple times a week that would have made it problematic. He no longer does those, so no problem with healing over the holidays etc.
He has researched a local piercing and tattoo place which has good reviews, they require a parents permission for lobe piercings under 14. He came to ask me when I would be free to go with him. He has money from his birthday that he wants to use (although tbh I would be happy to pay). They have appointments available in a week or so.

DS says he just likes the look of earrings. None of his male friends have both ears done, one has a single earring, all his female friends have both done. He has a lovely group of friends with a mix of disabilities and differences, they are incredibly supportive of each other. DS doesn’t see this as being a gender thing, he is happy with who he is as a male, he just likes the look. School are fine with plain metal studs and he knows that’s the deal. He wears glasses so doesn’t do any contact sports in school either.

My older DD had hers done when she was 10 with no issues, but now chooses not to wear earrings a lot of the time anyway. I have said to DH that it’s really not a big deal, he can take earrings out if he chooses, just like DD. However DH is convinced that if he goes ahead, he’s going to be bullied by other kids at school. I honestly don’t know what to think now. He’s a pretty confident kid who hasn’t really had any issues with bullying in the past, and is also tall for his age. I suspect DH possibly considers it effeminate to have both done and there might be less of a reaction to one ear, but he won’t dare say that to me.
None of the other men within the family, of any age, have any piercings.

Does DH have a point here?

If you paid for your daughter to have hers done then don’t let him spend his own money on getting his done. There is absolutely no reason I can see to not allow this. He has thought about it, can take them out whenever he wishes and it’s his body, to not allow him on the extremely slight chance he would be bullied, when his sister was allowed, what sort of message is that sending to him? Boys having one or two is no different to a girl having one or two, they’re just ear lobes.

I’m in an affluent area of London and I have yet to see a boy with pierced ears. My ds attends and all boys too!
I personally think they look tacky and ridiculous on a young boy.

Sorry agree with the above poster - earrings on boys are not a good look.

Many male celebs have both done, it’s far more common now for both to be done. He can wear different jewellery in each

Meh. I don’t think it looks great but He can always take them out. If he’s wanted them done for 2 years, then I’m let him tbh.

DS had his ear pierced at a similar age. He still wears earrings and never had any issues. He was a bit squeamish about changing his earrings initially, DD had to help him. She's older like your DD.

My son had his done age 10 - right ear only

Personally I don't think it looks good. The only boys I've seen with earrings are children whose parents are not very bright to say things kindly. None of the boys in DS2 secondary school (private) has them, a few in DS1 state secondary.

Im happy for my ds's to have them done but dh is being all neanderthal about it. We compromised on magnetic earrings until 16.

Your husband is being old fashioned.
Loads of male celebrities have two ears pierced now. It's really not a big deal.

Not my ears and not my kid but if it was I wouldn't like it.

Two young boys in my daughter's class have their ears pierced and they're both horrible little thugs. It's never the hard working, well behaved boys sporting earrings is it?

I'm not a fan of earrings in men, but I feel that both ears is more popular these days than a single ear. Lewis Hamilton has both ears done and seemed to be wearing massive diamond flower studs at the British GP. Though they could've been stars I guess. Still, massive diamonds in both ears.

Imo it's a his body, his choice decision. He's done sensible research and knows what he wants. It's not permanent. Your girl has them, so you can't say no to your boy.

But his sister had hers done?

No you don’t- what a ridiculous comment. I never thought David Beckham looked like a ‘thug’ or Harry Styles, Lewis Hamilton, or Jonny Depp or I think Will Smith! 😂😂

I am with you OP! 😀

Interesting how people want to judge both DS and us!
For what it’s worth, DS is very well behaved, works hard at school and is exceptional at maths. He very much aligns with the geek crowd. He couldn’t be further from a ‘thug’.

Both DH and I have doctorates and work in professional roles, both late 40s.
We were at school in the late 80s/early 90s, and boys with earrings then were rare and it was all about what ear meant you were gay. I’m more than pleased that times have changed, but I can see why DH was concerned. He saw what went on then.

DS has been the one to say he wants this and doesn’t appear to have been influenced by anyone, in real life or celebrities. He simply says he likes the look of earrings. I will let him know the various comments made here and see what he thinks, he’s a smart kid, and yes it’s his body. Of the various celebrities listed he’s more a Harry Styles than a Jack Sparrow, I don’t have a problem with any of them though!

If he does want it done still then of course I will pay. I’m not the one with the concerns, but I wasn’t ever a teenage boy so other viewpoints are welcome!

My 15 year old wants his ears pierced. He can have it done when he’s 16 after GCSE. I know it’s hypocritical because his sister was 7 but I just think it looks hideous on boys plus school will object. Once he’s going into sixth form up to him

I can't say I'm keen on the look, but FWIW I'd let him.

Pick your battles and all that.

I mean, they’re his ears! And if your DD had it done at a younger age then it’s a bit unfair not to let him! And if he changes his mind he can just take them out 🤷🏻‍♀️

My son is 🙂

His body, his rules. It means a lot to kids to be able to dress how they want. As long as it's legal and within school uniform rules then it shouldn't be a problem for anyone else, including parents.
If you think he runs the risk of being bullied because of them then warn him he might face homophobic, or other types of judgemental, nonsense. If hygiene is an issue warn him that he has to keep them clean etc.
Tbh your husband sounds like he needs to admit some thinly veiled homophobia.

Multiple piercings are really common here, guys too. Your husband sounds really old fashioned. But, do you think he's right about your area being so conservative?

Not sure why people are commenting they don’t think it looks good. It doesn’t matter. He thinks it looks good.

I don’t think you have a leg to stand on if you’ve let your daughter get her ears pierced.

The comment about ‘thugs’ made me laugh. I don’t know what thugs are meant to look like, I’ll have to keep an eye out.

Or, by then, there will be even less of a taboo about piercings as there is now, which is to say very little because most people aren't as rudely judgemental

No, you don't.

Plenty of subcultures beyond "thug life" have piercings for a start

To combat all the rude, judgemental (and I suspect sexist) comments...

Celeb males with piercings are pretty sexy ;) it's definitely a look that some people really dig