Who’s wrong him or me

[Theycallmemama]

Ive been with my partner for over 10 years . We have 3 kids together . He works a job which is very long hours which means a lot of time away from the family. Over the years he’s looked for other jobs got a job, accepted it, gone to leave and then retracted his notice. It’s been this cycle now for a while.
he drives I don’t. One of my kids wants to do a certain activity but one of my other kids do soenthing that clashes with that time so unless I pull out the other child , he can’t do it as I physically can’t be in two places at once. He’s been saying for weeks now this is it he’s going to leave his job and get a better one for the family to spend time with us more and to allow our child to be able to do said activity. Not even that just to be here more as 80% of his life is spent at work. He went for a job, got it, handed in his notice , told the kids and everyone who have all been super happy and said how much better it is for him and the kids. Yet here we go again, oh I might not leave now bla bla bla . Again.
This was his last chance to stop being selfish and put his family first and he messed it up again. Honestly I’m fed up with it. He is an adult. My child is not. My child’s life is only just starting so why should his life be put on hold cos his selfish twit of a dad chooses work over them every. Single. time.
where do I go from here? I get he wants to make ends meet but this new job is so much better in every way possible but for him it would be leaving his job. I must add I left my dream job and all what I created and worked my whole life towards to start a life with him. And he can’t even do the same for the benefit of his kids.
any advice anyone because I really think this is the end of the line. He can have his job. I’ll just make sure my kids don’t miss out anymore due to him and his work commitments! 😩

It sounds like he lacks the confidence to leave a job that he knows like the back of his hand, to go somewhere else and be the newbie.

Very odd you don’t seem to grasp that if you drove then your child would be able to do this activity

do you live very rurally?

Do you work?

He can have his job. I’ll just make sure my kids don’t miss out anymore due to him and his work commitments! 😩

well you’ll need to learn to drive first op

Why don’t you drive ?
most parents work so compromises need to be made as nobody can be in 2 places at once, can’t you share taking children with another parent ( friend that is also participating in activity ) ?

YABU for having two threads asking the same question.

His work commitments mean the household has enough money. Do you work? Can you learn to drive?

Weird

a few weeks ago you started a thread where

“we are trying for our 5th baby”

porkies?

I wouldnt be making decisions about quitting my job over a child's extra curricular activity.

However sounds like there are lots od benefits to changing jobs. Why does he want to stay? Is the new job less money? Different type of work? I want need to know what his concerns are.

Why should he quit his job when he sounds like he is the only one earning money? You say you have up your dream job, but I am guessing you made that choice?
He is probably being sensible as unless there was a massive increase in pay, moving to a new job may be less secure and if they only kept him on for a probationary period then neither of you would be providing for the home. It also takes a long time to settle into a new job so this could affect his happiness, and all for pleasing you to take a child to a club.
Unfortunately it's just life that children can't always go to the clubs they want. You could ask another parent and give them petrol money if they take your child with theirs to the club. But sometimes you just can't do it. Why not look at clubs that are on when you could take them and give them those options?

This, @Theycallmemama are you reliant on his wage? How would you pay for these activities if he also didn't work?
Did your child find these activities themselves, or are you researching, tell them, and being amazing mama, then it's bad daddy who's stopping them?

No I’m not I have my own money. And this sport is football which he loves and enjoys doing and cries every time he can’t go. My other child has a club the same time which she’s doing really well at so it’s not like I can pull her out. Either way I have to upset one of the children. He has also said he isn’t allowed to do it unless he is there.

Theycallmemama · 15/02/2025 00:16

My partner had an emotional affair with a coworker although he would never admit it now still doesn’t see it as a problem. They were messaging , going on dates, even planned to move in together. He was telling her problems we were having and making me look and sound terrible. I have spoken to this person multiple times too she’s also lied to me loads. I was pregnant after a loss at the time and my mental health was terrible and do you know what his excuse was? Because I wasn’t giving him enough attention and he couldn’t deal with my mental health. This was in 2023, they still work together and I don’t know if they still talk. Me and him are still together but it’s hard, he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong as nothing physical happened. I wish I had the strength to walk I really do. You might be a stronger person then me and your partner might be a better man then mine, but for me it hasn’t got better. Maybe it
would if he got a new job, but he refuses to. It’s always our fault never theirs, if your gonna stay just remember to know your worth xxxx

Gently, does he not want to leave work because he is still working with the same coworker?

Weird thread.

So according to recent threads

you’re actively trying for a 5th baby. Are you?

and you do drive. Do you?

so op…. What’s going on?

The solution

get your own bloody driving license!!! Although a couple of weeks ago, you drove

Is there a medical reason you can’t drive? It could be considered selfish to not learn to drive and expect your partner to drive everywhere.
it sounds like a lack of confidence in taking the leap to anew role rather than selfish behaviour.

You posted on another thread that you have two cars?

If you learnt to drive would it help?

What's the benefit of making up a load of fake threads? Attention? You don't even get imaginary internet points on here like you do on Reddit so I can't imagine what you're getting out of it.

On the off chance that the others are the fibs and this is the real one, you said yourself that this is his last chance, so what ultimatum have you issued to him? What action are you going to take of he "fails" at his last chance?

Are driving lessons for you affordable, to make you less dependent on him? Sounds like he’d rather be at work than with his family.

That's not the same as 'I don't drive' at all, is it?
Obvious plan is to talk to DP about the way forward for you and for transport.
Scrap the cars and buy a chap runabout? Make a plan!!!I

Are you able to learn?

Generally I would see it as a personal decision what job to do, as long as a parent was supporting their family. What is it that makes him reluctant to move? That said, I would expect a parent to be around for their dc more if they had the option.

Re the extracurriculars, could you do an intensive course to learn to drive if your dp took some leave to have the dc? Could the dc alternate their activities?