Comments about second baby gender

[Thewrongtrouserss]

DH and I expecting DC2, we recently found out that it’s another boy.

We have been really shocked/disappointed at the reactions of our friends and family. Lots of comments along the lines of never mind, at least you won’t need new clothes, etc. One family member threw a scan photo back at us as they were so disappointed!

The thing is DH and I are happy, we had a scare early on in the pregnancy when I had a lot of bleeding and on the combined screening which came back high risk for downs (NIPT was low chance) so we are just pleased baby appears to be healthy. AIBU here to think people could just be pleased for us? I’m already worried DC2 won’t be loved as much by our family.

Not unreasonable at all.

Weirdly I got a lot of comments from people saying they hoped it was a girl etc when I was pregnant with my second, and when I found out it was a girl, they started telling me how much harder it is with one of each and how they never have the same interests and aren’t as close as adults etc…

It’s bizarre. Congratulations on your baby!

Incredibly annoying OP - people seem to think everyone is desperate to have one of each gender, forgetting that some of us don’t care!

I have recently announced my second pregnancy and my family mainly want to discuss if they will have red hair, as my first one does, which I am finding very annoying as they made so many moronic remarks about my first’s hair.

I’m not sure why they’re all so shocked by it, as there are plenty of people with red hair on both sides of the family!

People are clumsy and stupid.

I have 2 DDs. When we found out, My mum said 'oh darling, are you disappointed?' and my dad said 'oh, you'll have to try again for a boy then!'

As the older sister of a younger brother it really rubbed me the wrong way!!!

Anyway, just ignore and be happy for yourself that's all that matters, congratulations on DS2 :)

I had this with our first two boys, now expecting dc3 who is a girl, and I’ve now had so many gushing comments like Oo I bet your over the moon it’s a girl etc.
Obviously we are happy but we would have been happy either way, it feels like it’s inferring that our boys are inferior and we only had a 3rd dc to have a girl; which is obviously not remotely true, we wanted a baby to have another child regardless of sex!

Why find out and tell people? Sorry but no one cares unless it’s a different sex. Even then no one actually cares.

I didn’t know the sex of mine until birth, but I know how you feel, OP. After 3 mcs I was getting hints about whether I thought baby might be a girl (DC1 is male). I made it clear, politely but firmly, that no child of mine would be a disappointment, and if others were disappointed they wouldn’t be seeing baby.

DH got a very firm ‘discussion’ from me as this came from his parents.

MIL is still convinced that I must share her disappointment at having sons and that I’m
putting a brave face on it.

I didn’t think people really cared either, we told them because they asked? But by their reactions I feel like they do actually care! That’s what has surprised me.

We found out for practical reasons to be honest, knowing if we needed to buy more clothes etc.

Not being unreasonable at all, people are so weird about gender. We’ve just had our second daughter and while I was pregnant we got so many comments from people about trying for a boy next time. I’d had two miscarriages before that pregnancy as well as lots of scares/bleeds throughout so I couldn't have cared less what gender we had, as long as they were healthy.

Anyone who says they’ve found out the sex are going to be asked the obvious question. They are then going to be faced with someone with an opinion.

We found out for our third for bedroom space. The other two were a surprise. Clothes aren’t an issue for years. Were you worried you needed to buy a different colour or style regarding the sex?

Is this a “girly” thing?

on reflection I suppose DH and I led a more male orientated lifestyle prior to TTC, think rugby club rather than dance club.

When I was pregnant literally every single person said I bet you’re hoping for a boy. Not one suggested our preference could possibly be for a girl.

In my experience people tend to ask if you’ve found out just to make conversation. They probably don’t care really but it doesn’t stop people making thoughtless comments.

Some people get weird about babies

My first born was a girl, my second born was a boy. Both my mum and Nan said…well now you have one each. That’s enough right.

despite the fact my Nan has 5 boys and a girl
my mum has two girls and a boy
my sister has two boys a girl

noooo the fact I have one each is plenty enough

Congratulations on your second beautiful baby boy.

We’ve got 2 adult sons, I never wanted a daughter, and we got the “never mind” and “are you going to try again for a girl…” as if DS2 was some sort of booby prize, The answer was absolutely not, we were over the moon with what we had been blessed with, still are, and we were done.

I remember one of my best friends finding out she was pregnant with her second boy. She rang me to saying “I know you’ll be pleased for me, because I’m so pissed off with people being disappointed”, I just wish people would be more thoughtful.

YANBU. The ranking of 2dc combinations for a lot of people seems to go as follows.

1. 1 of each
2. 2 girls
3. 2 boys

If no. 2 or 3 is achieved advice should be given to try for a third child in order to achieve no. 1.

(BTW I have 2 ds’s and it’s awesome.)

? Buy more clothes ?

Yes buy more clothes, I know that’s a very unpopular opinion and unmumsnet thing to do but I love clothes and if I was having a girl would definitely have enjoyed shopping for girls clothes. As it is most of what I have saved from DS1 can obviously be used now.

Apologies, I thought we'd moved on from girls and boys clothes. Obviously not.

Clothes are an issue pretty much straight away surely even newborns wear clothes?

There you go then. You would like to have bought girly clothes and didn’t get the chance to. Hence people felt for you.

I assume you wanted a girl, hence wanting to know the sex. It happens a lot more than people admit.

OP I'm pregnant with my 2nd boy and got exactly the same. I cant understand why people think I'd be disappointed in two boys, I'd also love a third and genuinely couldnt care less what gender they are.

You think a newborn girl wearing the same clothes her newborn brother wore is an issue? Ok. That’s not something which ever bothered me personally. Different folks and all that.

Or you’re trying to be funny. Sorry 😂😂😂

The amount of praise I get for having been clever enough to manage one of each is quite ridiculous 😂 as above, it does seem to be the ‘ideal’ for lots of people. Very odd I agree.

my sister has 2 boys and is pregnant again. Almost everyone I’ve told has said ‘oh do you think she’s hoping for a girl?’ I know because she told me before she got pregnant that she actually thinks another boy would be easier!

Really? Have you been into Next lately? M&S? Jojo?

YABU to talk about gender. Your children have/will have a sex, gender is made up nonsense.

Once your baby arrives people will love him. Later they will love him, or not, depending on how well you bring him up.

Yeah we had the same with second DD. Everyone convinced my DH would be disappointed.. we found out because we liked finding stuff out throughout the pregnancy and really why not?