A part of me is dreading my teenage daughters getting back from holiday

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I sometimes worry that I’m not a ‘normal’ mum for having these feelings. What I do know, is that my daughters are the centre of my world, they come first, I am always there for them and I love them dearly. But what I also know is that I can’t help but feel the way I do about their return home tomorrow.
They have been on holiday for the last two weeks with their dad. I took them away last summer, so we do it on alternate years. We have been divorced for a long time now and our daughters are 18 and 16.
A part of me can’t wait to hug them, to hear all about it, to see their pics and to show them the treats I’ve bought for them coming back.
But fuck me, I have absolutely loved the past two weeks, perhaps too much. I am menopausal and the peace, silence and tidiness has been absolutely glorious. I’ve loved only having my own laundry to do and not have to cook another fucking meal. I feel bad saying it, I really do. And I know I’ll love seeing them again. But how long until the arguing starts, the moaning, the asking for stuff, the worrying about them. They are lovely girls, truly, but the fact is that I am ready to live alone. And I will not struggle with that. I have always enjoyed my own company.
I’ll be fine when they’ve been back a couple of days and it’s business as usual. But a part of me is struggling with the thought of this transition.
AIBU?

I hear you.
💐

Maybe it’s time they did their own washing and help with cooking.

Me too 💐

At 16 I gave mine a laundry basket for their birthdays, showed them how to use the machine and from then on washing was their responsibility, bedding changing was their responsibility from summer aged 14 (they changed schools at 14 so useful transition age) though i did actually launder them until 16.

It’s pretty common I think, about half of my friends struggle with this. I reckon it’s a combo of us losing the ‘caring’ hormones in peri and learning to live with adult kids rather than children. By this point we’ve done a lot of the heavy lifting in child raising and you think it’s nearly done but (lots of) young adult children are emotionally still quite needy and it’s quite the surprise.

My 18 year old is actually a fab wee cook, though she does prefer to cook for herself 😂 The laundry I do because our drying facilities are limited and it would be tricky if we were all trying to get our laundry washed and dried at the same time.
I remember this from before my beloved eldest left home - we were always fighting over the heated airer 😆

Thanks for the replies and for relating!

I loved it when all mine moved out

My DD is pretty skilled at life basics but still hard.

This. I find it so much easier to just do these things myself otherwise we’re doing half-loads, negotiating hanging areas, having double cooking times, etc.

I hear you! 💐

The alternative to you doing all the laundry doesn't have to be everyone doing their own though, does it? Why can't it be a shared task, like cooking, where everyone uses the same communal system, but takes turns to implement it?

Lol you're perfectly normal - it's getting towards nest leaving time and it's great that you are emotionally ready (more than) for it!

Much better than being bereft when they fly off.

YANBU.

Maybe think about some new routines you want to bring in to make life a bit calmer day to day, e.g. a washing up and vacuuming and taking out bins rota, ways to reduce cooking (batch cook, sandwiches for lunch), chores they can do (put their laundry in a white or colours bin next to the machine).

Please don't feel bad. You've done a great job bringing up girls who are getting read to fly the nest - you wouldn't be feeling like this if that were not the case I think. It is normal and natural.

On the practical side, we are also limited to drying space and fridge space so never managed to split chores well, I hear you.

Our dc now mostly flown and I love the peace, the sense of order, the routines....they are happy and doing well and I love them to bits.

I think it’s age related too OP. As mine have got older (eldest nearly 18) I enjoy my own company more and more. After so many years running after kids, I think it’s normal (unless you are Sue Radford!) to want to start prioritising yourself and not just have your life centred around your children.

YANBU

You need and deserve a break as well, even from the people you love most in the world. Everyone needs a break and a rest.

Totally relate to this. Love my DD to bits and love her spirited personality but equally love the peace and quiet when she’s away.

Mine is 24 and hopefully buying a place soon. No empty nest trepidation for me - I can’t wait til she has her own place and I can visit/meet her for lunch etc.

My dad was very much “throw them out the nest” when they’re old enough and I think I’m just that way inclined to.

Mum to two sons. Eldest nearly 20 and youngest 17. All the washing gets put in together. We share the cooking, cleaning and washing up. I know if I'm ill they will be able to survive lol. But I do love the days when it's just me in the house. No one hogging the TV remote lol

Oh yeah.

I have mine back with me at the moment (moving out to new flat soon) and so much looking forward to the peace and quiet.

Very natural.
They're nearly ready to fly the coop and you're half looking forward to it, which is as it should be.
And it doesn't matter how many chores they do, their youthful energy is just too much sometimes.
You will miss them when they go though!

Your feelings are very normal.
We all need space, parenting is very demanding. You'll be back in the routine in no time, dreaming about your upcoming break in 2027.

YANBU at. fucking. all.

Just sitting upstairs after another blistering row with 15 year old DS over wasting food "because everything I cook is shit" 😡 So I've given him a £40 budget next week, he has to decide all the ingredients he wants, and he can cook for himself and his brother all week. And I'm not turning the fucking WiFi back on until he apologises fully either.

Even when we get on though, it's just need need need, with a side order of him pretending he knows better so doesn't actually need anything. The DC go to my ex EOW, and I usually enjoy a long, peaceful walk. The other weekend I was actually walking in their area, so I invited DS1 to join me. All great, except of course he didn't bring a water bottle, so ended up drinking most of mine and I ended up thirsty and dehydrated 🙄.

Not having to constantly consider other people's needs is absolute bliss.

Definitely know where you’re coming from. I have two that are semi-flown at 24 and 19 where they flit between mine and their boyfriends parents homes. I have a 16yo still home though. The problem is the semi flown ones still need their bedrooms, refuse to give up their larger rooms for the 16yo in the box room who is here all the time. It’s getting to the point where I need to push them to leave fully but the cost of housing is so high they are struggling to figure out if they can afford a place of their own.

I just want my house to myself to do what I want with it now and to not have surprise extras for dinner.

I love them but I never expected to be housing a 24yo, I’d moved out about 20/21 and assumed mine would do the same.

i dream of DD moving out but she probably never will. She’s 16, AUDHD and we’ve been joined at the hip for the last 4 years.