A part of me is dreading my teenage daughters getting back from holiday

[feedmefudge]

I sometimes worry that I’m not a ‘normal’ mum for having these feelings. What I do know, is that my daughters are the centre of my world, they come first, I am always there for them and I love them dearly. But what I also know is that I can’t help but feel the way I do about their return home tomorrow.
They have been on holiday for the last two weeks with their dad. I took them away last summer, so we do it on alternate years. We have been divorced for a long time now and our daughters are 18 and 16.
A part of me can’t wait to hug them, to hear all about it, to see their pics and to show them the treats I’ve bought for them coming back.
But fuck me, I have absolutely loved the past two weeks, perhaps too much. I am menopausal and the peace, silence and tidiness has been absolutely glorious. I’ve loved only having my own laundry to do and not have to cook another fucking meal. I feel bad saying it, I really do. And I know I’ll love seeing them again. But how long until the arguing starts, the moaning, the asking for stuff, the worrying about them. They are lovely girls, truly, but the fact is that I am ready to live alone. And I will not struggle with that. I have always enjoyed my own company.
I’ll be fine when they’ve been back a couple of days and it’s business as usual. But a part of me is struggling with the thought of this transition.
AIBU?

Can totally relate.

DS is 18 and he went away with his mates last year (staying in a flat adjacent to his mate’s grandparents house, so adults around) it was bliss.

He does venture out quite a bit but when he’s home he’s still quite needy and messy!

Love him to bits but also love being alone! DH has been away this weekend so I’ve loved my alone time even more, he’s untidy too!

YANBU at all

ds is going away in august and I can’t wait looking forward to this time

the last 17 years have been about him and continues to be as it should be he is my child but wanting some time for myself and getting ready for when he leaves home is perfectly normal and is nothing to do with how much I love him

YANBU.
I’m a single parent to a 16 year old and a 19 year old (currently home from uni). I miss DS1 when he’s at uni, and I look forward to him coming home, and the best I ever sleep is when all 3 of us are in the house.

But the biggest stress I find is when they’re in that neither-child-nor-adult stage. DS1 isn’t financially independent, because he depends on his student loan and my supplement to it. So in some ways he’s still a “child”. But legally he’s an adult. Finding the balance and figuring out what demands I can and can’t make (eg what time he gets home etc) is so bloody difficult. Being nearly 20 he’s entitled to come and go as he pleases, but as the homeowner I feel entitled to have some control over the comings and goings. It’s a source of a fair amount of conflict when he’s home.

Being a parent of late teens is really really hard.

Oh my goodness, I felt like some kind of freak! All I ever seem to read on MN is parents who don’t like time away from their kids. There’s no right or wrong, but I’ve never been that way.

I love you lot, thank you so much.

@feedmefudge i think as previous posters have said its getting ready for them to leave the nest. I love my sons but someday s I could quite happily strangle them. But not very often x

This is why I try and dissuade starry eyed new mothers of curly haired cherubs from having a third.

Have two girls same age as yours they are lovely fab and fun and gorgeous but dear god if I had another to parent another one through the teen years whilst peri menopausal I would crumble.

Aldo find am craving and enjoying being on my own started late 40s

My son has just left home he’s 24, life is easier, more peaceful but I miss him, we didn’t always get along argued a fair bit, I think things have improved with us since he’s moved out, but the house just feels empty and too quiet.

Normal!

Quite normal and exactly as it should be. This is nature’s way of you preparing for the empty next one day.

By the time my teenagers went to university I was heartily glad to see the back of them. Not that they are awful kids - they’re wonderful and I couldn’t love them more. But who wants to live with teenagers? They’re messy, annoying, noisy etc etc.

My kids are all properly grown up with their own homes. I really look forward to them coming home for a few days for a visit but still love the peace, tidiness, clarity and relaxation when they’ve gone again.

This is completely normal. Enjoy what’s left of your blissful selfish time. As you welcome your babies home you can make secret plans for how much you’re going to r joy the next little home-alone stint!

I love my kids to bits, but I have never suffered from - or even understood - empty nest syndrome.

People kep telling me I would miss this, that and the other when my kids no longer lived with me, but I absolutely didn’t. I loved living alone before and after them.

It’s normal

You are completely normal, as far as I can tell.