Dogs on beds

[Libertybelle21]

DH had a dog when I met him ten years ago, and they have always been inseparable, including her sleeping on the bed before we met

I like dogs - and she is a sweetie- but I didn’t grow up with them, and find the idea of dogs on soft furnishings a bit gross. I do draw a line at dogs on beds- mostly the hygiene aspect but also really hate having my sleep disturbed unnecessarily- bad enough when it’s my own kids, let alone the dog! Also scarred by the dog sharting on my pillow right next to my head in the early days 🤢

We managed to agree to keep her downstairs at night, and restrict her going upstairs to the bedrooms. He will however let her sleep on the bed with him if we are in different rooms (we take it in turns to be in the spare room next to the kids during bad sleep phases), or if I’m away/ on late shifts.

I’ve made it super clear I don’t like this and ask him to change bedsheets and hot wash afterwards, plus replace any stained ones out of his own pocket- which he does more often than not. This felt like an acceptable compromise until now.

I really don’t like the dog going on the kids’ bed but he thinks this is ok if he’s upstairs with her and won’t budge on this. When we talk, he agrees the dog shouldn’t be left unsupervised with the kids - for safety as well as hygiene- about it but not infrequently find her curled up on their bed when they’ve gone to sleep.

Now the dog has started having semi regular wee and poo accidents in the house, I am finding this all really hard to stomach. DH is pretty touchy at the best of times but is getting super huffy if I talk about her just not being allowed upstairs/ on beds at any point anymore given her loss of continence. This feels pretty basic to me, but interested to see if anything thinks IABU here…?

DH is a good sort and we are on the same page about most things - but this makes me want to completely veto us ever getting another dog in the future.

I grew up with dogs and adore them. A hard line for me is dogs sleeping on beds. I was pretty cross with a friend who let her dog go into my (then) twin toddlers room whilst we were away and sleep on his little bed. She was borrowing our house for her benefit, not ours.

I had my own dog as an adult for 10years plus… as soon as he started to be incontinent, he was kept downstairs at all times with a baby gate accross the stairs. He still received all the love in the world, but my carpets didn’t need to suffer like he was bless him

Well you’d hate my dog.. he starts on the floor. Jumps onto the bed after an hour or so, then about 2am he gets into the bed!
in your case the dog has been sleeping with your DP for 10+years it’s too late to kick the dog out now… just shut your DC bedroom doors at night ( they should be closed for fire precautions anyway imo)
if you get another dog together you just train it differently

@alcoholnightmare This is what I would like to happen… we already have the baby gates in, so would be super easy to enforce. No idea why he’s being quite so irrational about this ☹️

Dog currently barking indignantly downstairs (not toilet
related), just hoping she doesn’t wake the kids up.

My dog sleeps on my bed. I do not wash my bedding each day. That would be ridiculous.
You said your DH had his dog before he met you, and I think YABU for making him change what his dog has been used to for years for you.
His dog was first.

Dogs on beds are 🤢. You realise if you get another dog he's just going to do the same thing right

Could he go and sleep on the sofa a few nights and slowly back out… like sleep training but for a dog?
Genuinely no idea if this will work as never slept in same room as dog unless in a hotel

@LazySunbedDays She only got 1 year of unfettered bed access as a pup before I met DH- since then we haven’t had her in our bed together, just intermittently with him.

The kids get terrified and hysterical if their doors are closed so can’t do that- I usually shut the dog downstairs instead. And the dog is fine with that most of the time.

DH is the problem really, not the dog- I’m just not sure why we can’t see eye to eye on this now the dog is having accidents!

I don’t even like dogs on sofas, but will happily sit on floor and cuddle up for an hour or so of an evening.
equally, I used to not allow my babies and toddlers into dogs bed “no, that’s Rolo’s bed”.
walked past a restaurant the other day and a dog was sat ON a chair with cushion outside restaurant up at thr table. Just no! What about people with allergies who next sit on that cushion an hour later!?
When I had my dog, we’d generally only go to dog friendly pubs, cafes etc as took him almost everywhere with us, but he didn’t need to sit on a chair for goodness sake!

My dog sleeps on my bed.

I know it's not for everyone and that's fine, as everyone doesn't sleep in my bed.

However, if I met a bloke and he tried to dictate to me I would've shown him the door immediately.

Your DH didn't though, and he's obviously unhappy with the arrangement.

Not sure what to say about that really.

My dog always sleeps on the bed. Change bed clothes once a week. Absolutely love her company TBH . She gets up very late as well,quite often have to drag her out for a walk by 11am ..oh to be my dog!

With regards to showing the bloke the door…. Totally get that.
I once had a boyfriend who said “could you possibly keep the dog away from me” - said in an INCREDIBLY stuck up tone.
Me: “he was here long before you, and will be here long after you”. (boyfriend ended up adoring dog and used to look after him if I was busy etc - I was right though… dog outlived boyfriend).

However, if dog at that point was incontinent and ready to have an accident on the blokes overnight bag, fair enough.

@SwanRivers not dictating so much as drawing my boundaries… and he was ok with that after shart-gate. But would you really want an incontinent dog on your beds and carpets?!

I think it’s disrespectful, OP. You agreed the dog wouldn’t sleep on the bed anymore and would stay downstairs then he’s switched up recently by the sounds of it. Even if you’re not in the bed you obviously still don’t want the dog there if its an issue for you.

If the dog is having accidents on the bed, he should be bothered about that too. Although if he was single I guess it would be up to him - but he’s not. It’s also a waste of your family money for him to have to be replacing sheets frequently. You said it’s out of his own pocket but ultimately you share a household and kids so it impacts you all.

And surely it’s better for the dog if you’re both consistent about where it sleeps ?

How olds the dog?

@Weeee I get the appeal - yours sounds particularly companionable! Ours not quite so well mannered- lots of huffing, stretching out then a 5am wakeup ☹️ not to mention the stains and sharts

Given you've known this dog for 10yrs & presumably lived with it for a few of those you don't sound like you like her much at all. What are the stains he's having to replace sheets for?

If she's 11 & becoming incontinent then you need to get her checked out. You don't mention breed or size but could nappies be a solution?

What about waterproof blankets to put on the beds.

What are you concerned about re hygiene prior to the incontinence? Is she not safe around the kids? Do the kids like her sleeping on the bed? Is she a companion to them? Why can she not sleep with DH when he's otherwise alone?

I dunno, it all just sounds to me like the only concession you've made is graciously allowing him to keep her.

I'm a pets in bed person, but wouldnt want an incontinent dog on the bed. I'd probably set up a dog bed in the bedroom, though, and would feel horrible shutting them away. Perhaps you could help your kids get over their profound fear of closed doors?

And no, nobody wants pet pee or poop on the carpet either, but its going to happen at some point in their lives (whether due to youth, old age or illness).

If I had an incontinent one year old dog (the age you said the dog was when you met), then I'd have it down the vets immediately.

But no man would be dictating to me about my own dog sleeping in my own bed.

His choice to not want that and my choice to fuck him off out the door.

Dog is almost 12, so she is an old lady!

We have a shared account for joint expenses, so DH pays out of his pocket for replacement sheets when needed - this started when we had no stain free sheets left for guests who were staying over. Completely agree not ideal as it hits us all eventually anyway.

Also agree consistency better all round, but not sure how to sort this out

That last sentence just makes me feel like I've had enough Internet for today 🤮 🤢

I am single so don’t have this issue but my dogs are allowed to sleep on my bed ,I feel a lot happier having a snuggle with them , also I prefer them to my ex lol they fidget less !

I should mention DH moved into my house with his dog after we met… and was aware of my feelings about dogs on the bed before then…

What has the vet said about this dog's constant state of incontinence?

I'm 56 and I've had dogs since I was 4 years old.

Literally none of them (7 in total) ever shat on the bed.

And every one of them lived to 14 or older.

I have a mini daushaund she is not allowed up stairs at all & she's completely house trained , there is no amount you could give me to chance dog shart on my pillow or my childrens beds equally its dangerous to leave them unsupervised together, dh can take a jump he's being extremely unreasonable.. put you boundaries into place & tell your husband its the way it is or he can sleep in his car with the dog .

Not constant, more of a recent thing. Vets have seen and checked her and suspect inflammatory bowel disease. But we are not planning to subject her to invasive testing.

We had been managing her on a special diet as prescribed by vet and she had been symptom free for a while but has recently deteriorated again.. Agree she needs to go back to vet but suspect DH stalling as he is worried about what they might say…