Dogs on beds

[Libertybelle21]

DH had a dog when I met him ten years ago, and they have always been inseparable, including her sleeping on the bed before we met

I like dogs - and she is a sweetie- but I didn’t grow up with them, and find the idea of dogs on soft furnishings a bit gross. I do draw a line at dogs on beds- mostly the hygiene aspect but also really hate having my sleep disturbed unnecessarily- bad enough when it’s my own kids, let alone the dog! Also scarred by the dog sharting on my pillow right next to my head in the early days 🤢

We managed to agree to keep her downstairs at night, and restrict her going upstairs to the bedrooms. He will however let her sleep on the bed with him if we are in different rooms (we take it in turns to be in the spare room next to the kids during bad sleep phases), or if I’m away/ on late shifts.

I’ve made it super clear I don’t like this and ask him to change bedsheets and hot wash afterwards, plus replace any stained ones out of his own pocket- which he does more often than not. This felt like an acceptable compromise until now.

I really don’t like the dog going on the kids’ bed but he thinks this is ok if he’s upstairs with her and won’t budge on this. When we talk, he agrees the dog shouldn’t be left unsupervised with the kids - for safety as well as hygiene- about it but not infrequently find her curled up on their bed when they’ve gone to sleep.

Now the dog has started having semi regular wee and poo accidents in the house, I am finding this all really hard to stomach. DH is pretty touchy at the best of times but is getting super huffy if I talk about her just not being allowed upstairs/ on beds at any point anymore given her loss of continence. This feels pretty basic to me, but interested to see if anything thinks IABU here…?

DH is a good sort and we are on the same page about most things - but this makes me want to completely veto us ever getting another dog in the future.

If your DH has agreed that the dog shouldn't be alone with your DC then she shouldn't be on their beds at night. If she's become incontinent then she needs to be checked by a vet.

The problem is that he's agreeing one thing with you and then doing something else. We don't allow our dogs onto beds and simply have never let them upstairs - I think that's fairer that changing the rules depending who is sleeping where.

DH sees the dog as almost like a child. Something he has raised since they were tiny, that he has a deep emotional connection with, that loves him more than anything in the world, whose happiness he feels profoundly responsible for, and that is approaching end of life.

You see it, primarily, as a dispenser of sharts and piss, and generally an inconvenience.

There is merit to both those views, but they arent very compatible, and it seems as though you expect him to do all the compromising, despite the dog being in his life first.

You cold have a dog bed in the bedroom. You could have the kids close their doors or use something like a baby-gate. With current dog, I really do think you need to find a better compromise, or the guilt that DH feels when she passes (feeling like he has neglected her happiness) could be something he does not let go of easily.

If you ever decide to get a new pet, then its best to have agreed groundrules from the start, but I do get the sense you're just not really a pet person.

@Dearnurse lol he probably would sleep in the car with the dog if I pushed it!

the dog will probably die soon. I would just let her sleep on the bed.

& let her shart on your pillow 🤮🤮

Dog and husband can sleep in the spare room bed

@EarthwormJem thank you for this, really helpful insight.

We have tried lots of other options before getting to this - including trying out different types of dog bed in bedroom- about 7 years of trying to find an acceptable compromise so . But having the kids and the new onset incontinence has taken all the other options off the table, to my mind.

I do like dogs, but from a culture where dogs aren’t usually allowed in the house so this has taken some getting used to. In contrast to DH who grew up with a succession of retrievers. But I do love DH, so am still trying to find a way to make it work a decade later.

Thanks ladies for the opinions, much appreciated, good night!

She came first. She's also getting on in age. Nobody would be telling me what to do with my dogs. They sleep on my bed, full stop.

It’s so disgusting. I think cats are different to an extent as they are self cleaning but dogs are smelly and gross. My ex’s mum would sleep with her dog in her bed and you’d instantly walk into her bedroom and it would smell of dog.

I'd leave anyone who vetoed future dog ownership.
When my elderly dog became incontinent, we got dog nappies for him. They worked really well.

I think the reason he is getting huffy is possibly because the dog is getting old, and the starting with incontinence could signal the end is getting closer and he doesn't want to think about it.

My female dog started weeing in her sleep and it turned out to be a side symptom of being neutered years ago. Lack of a particular hormone. Tablets from the vet sorted it out.

I would suggest a vet appointment to find out more about the incontinence as a starting point. Could be old age, could be something else, could be curable. You won't know till you get her an appointment.

Absolutely. Love me. Love my dog.

Have you ever had an elderly cat? They can be vile.

Our dog sleeps IN our bed not on it. My wife is from a culture where dogs live outside but luckily she soon came to accept that my dogs will always sleep wherever they want to. She snuggles with him at night more than I do now!

Yuk, gross 🤮 I’m not a dog person anyway but, even if I was, there’s no way I’d want one slobbering and farting all over my bed. Dogs should know their place in the family pecking order and sleep downstairs in their own bed.

My dog's place is in my bed with me.
As for slobbering and farting. Have you never shared a bed with a man? 😆

He’s probably just upset about his dog aging and being unwell. Nobody’s being completely unreasonable, but he will be more emotionally driven. Baby gates on kids rooms may be a good idea.

I’ve never allowed dogs on beds, nor upstairs generally (our rescue is allowed upstairs under my work table during thunderstorms only)
I’m a restless sleeper, my dogs moult and no one shares my bed.