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AIBU?

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Original poster

...by being upset about this 'joke' my idiotic FIL played on me?

48 replies

wegottagetouttathisplace · 27/05/2008 10:52

I have a close relationship with my FIL. He is a very nice, kind, good man and I've never really fallen out with him before. However, I am a bit unhappy with him after he decided to 'pull my leg' at the weekend. I wonder if I am over-reacting though - what do you think?

DH took DD (14 months) to visit his parents at the weekend. They live about a 40min drive away. I stayed at home to catch up with the house.

They left at about half 12 and by about 4 I was wondering when they would be coming home, so I rang DH's mobile. No answer, so I rang PIL's house. FIL answered.

'Hiya,' I said, 'how's it going?'

'Hi wegotta,' said FIL. 'Where did DH and DD get to then? We were expecting them today.'

'What??' I said, thinking, he must be joking...

'It's just we thought they were supposed to be coming over,' he said, 'but we haven't seen them.'

He sounded quite serious and genuine.

I thought, right, my husband and baby daughter left the house 4 hours ago. They never arrived at their destination, and DH hasn't rung me. Something very, very bad must have happened.

Although I don't actually remember doing so, at this point I fell to my knees on the kitchen floor!

All I could do was stammer, 'But, but they're supposed to be with you...'

Then the phone went quiet. And then my DH's voice came on the phone, saying, 'Hi wegotta, what's he saying to you?'

I cried my bleeding eyes out!!! I was so relieved to hear his voice. He couldn't believe his dad had made me cry with such a stupid joke, and he and his mum had a big go at him.

I've been avoiding him since then but I'll have to speak to him soon. Not sure what to say to him yet. I am still quite angry. For a moment there my worst nightmare had come true! Thanks for that FIL!! I love him, but what a prize twat he can be sometimes!

He is 75 btw - is that an excuse?

I am quite a gullible and trusting person, so maybe my bullshit radar should have been more alert. It did cross my mind that he was joking, but he said it again a second time and he sounded so serious I thought it was real...

OP posts:
bandgeek · 27/05/2008 10:55

I would be too.

He probably thought he was being funny but it was very stupid thing to do.

TsarChasm · 27/05/2008 10:56

He sounds a laugh a minute...not. What a silly old man.

Poor you Not sure what you can say to someone with a sense of humour like that.

megandtyler · 27/05/2008 10:56

i can't believe he did that
what an arse
next time you see him tell him he really upset you and not to ever do it again.
He probably feels really bad about it not
some men are twats though

NomDePlume · 27/05/2008 10:57

It was a silly thing for him to do, but I do think that perhaps you over-reacted a teeny bit.

I think it is probably time to let it go. What will you gain from bearing a grudge over it ?

bubblagirl · 27/05/2008 10:58

i think it was just a harmless bit of fun and you shouldnt take this personally

some people can be bit silly at times not realising that some people dont have that sence of humour

but you shouldnt be so angry at fil as dh must of been in on it in first place

just let it go it was a silly thing to do that made you panic but it was only a joke and if you genuinly have a good relationship with him pass it off as a silly mistake on his behalf

practical jokes are not best recieved by everybody but it was meant as harmless fun

i would have probably laughed it off and said gosh you had me worried dont ever do that again

i wouldnt ignore or hold grudges against the person

anneme · 27/05/2008 11:03

I should think he probably feels quite bad now so I would let it go. That does not mean it did not upset you (poor you - I think I would have been on my knees too) but it was a mistake on his part. You say you have a good relationship - he would therefore not want to upset you.

paros · 27/05/2008 11:04

Seriously it was a stupid thing to do but I bet he said it without thinking of the tip of his tongue . He just didnt realise the damage he would do . Of course your reaction was quite understandable. Just give him a hug next time and say dont do that to me ever again .

BagelBird · 27/05/2008 11:05

It was a silly mistake but sometimes people do judge it badly. I doubt he thought the "joke" through and was trying to scare you, just tease you a bit. I totally understand why it would frighten and upset you - it was stupid of him.
But, I would let it go. You say your DH and MIL already pointed out that he upset you and you also say that you love him even if he really upset you. Personally I don?t think bringing it up again or turning it into a long grudge is worth a badly done "joke".
It is Tuesday now, time to let it go and hope that he has learned from this. Families are precious things and small incidents can turn into major fallouts only too easily. Everyone is ok, you had a nasty fright but are ok too.

posieparker · 27/05/2008 11:06

Silly man, but it was without thought to cause you any harm. I would expect an apology and then move on...... or plot a fabulous revenge (unless he's got a dicky heart!)

cheesesarnie · 27/05/2008 11:06

how awful!!id be upset and angry too.

i dont think holding a grudge will help though.its done now and was stupid mistake that he'll hopefully now know never to do again!

greenday · 27/05/2008 11:08

If you DH and your MIL had a go at him, and if he had realised that how it affected you, how come he hasn't apologised yet?

Surely if he apologised, it would all be forgiven and forgotten ?

DeeRiguer · 27/05/2008 11:10

oh gawd
i pretended ds was with dh when dh asked where he was (ds was hiding in a trolley parking bay behind me in busy supermarket)
dh queing for paper, his face was a picture
but he hated me for it and mil too!...

its just a stupid thing to do.but seems funny at the time....
and its not just age!!

Original poster
wegottagetouttathisplace · 27/05/2008 11:11

Yes, we do have a good relationship and I think it can survive a silly little incident like this! I think I will just make light of it when I see him next. He probably doesn't feel too good about himself anyway after MIL laid into him!

Bubblagirl, DH definitely wasn't in on it. It really would not be his style!

They'd all been having a great time over there and DD had been entertaining them all, and I think that the high spirits just went to FIL's head and he said it without really thinking. There's not a malicious bone in his body so I'm sure he'd never have done it if he'd thought I'd get upset about it. It wasn't premeditated at all.

OP posts:
madamez · 27/05/2008 11:13

I'd let someone off for one silly joke if that person is otherwise lovely: all practical jokes seem like a good idea at the time (but they never are taken that way by the person on the receiving end). But don't turn it into a longstanding family feud, it was just a bit of stupidity and no one is actally hurt.

theBOD · 27/05/2008 11:47

sounds like he thought you'd find it funny, you didn't and he has been admonished.
i'd view it as a slight over reaction but can accept that not every one would.
it certainly wasn't malicious and i'm sure he feels bad about how it turned out and won't do it again.for that reason i'd probably let it drop.

NotABanana · 27/05/2008 12:08

His age has nothing to do with it.

He clearly thought it was a funny thing to do and it so was not.

I would tell him how upset you were and to not ever do anything like that again.

Also, maybe get your husband to text you when he arrives/is leaving so no opportunity for FIL to be an idiot again.

2point4kids · 27/05/2008 12:11

Sounds horrible, but not malicious.

I bet you wont have to say anything when you see him. I expect he is feeling terrible over upsetting you and will apologise to you before you say anything.

Alambil · 27/05/2008 12:25

I think I'd have PMSL .. but I am warped.

I don't think he meant anything bad by it - it was just a joke after all.

lackaDAISYcal · 27/05/2008 12:25

I think I'd react the same, but would probably be able to see it for what it was later, like you have.

Next time you see him, tell him that although you can see the lighter side of it now, it was quite upsetting at the time so could he never pull a stunt like that again. I'm sure, as others have suggested, he feels quite bad about it himself.

MrsTittleMouse · 27/05/2008 12:35

I would have been hysterical if someone had done that to me. There really is nothing funny about it at all. It sounds as though he has been properly punished though, if MIL has laid into him, and so I doubt he'd do it again.
I certainly don't think that it was "a harmless bit of fun" and YANBU, but I think that you're right not to let it destroy your relationship.

AtheneNoctua · 27/05/2008 12:38

I'd leave him to stew for a couple of days and then I'd forgive him and move on. It was a stupid and thoughtless thing for him to do, but as you say it was not planned or malicious. He just didn't consider the effects of his actions.

But, I'd imagine it's all been explained to him by now -- several times.

I have a pretty think skin, and I don't think I would find it funny. I can take a joke, but the welfare of my family is not funny.

greenday · 27/05/2008 15:25

When you next see him, what about pretending to pull his ear (in a light-hearted manner of a mother telling child off) and saying in a humoured- style 'now, that trick you pulled was very naughty. Don't do it again or you'll have to go to the naughty corner' ... or something like that.

That way, you'd have your say, he would be able to acknowledge that he was rather silly, and everyone can move on.

MrsWeasley · 27/05/2008 15:27

Thats the sort of thing my Dad does all
the time.

lazarou · 27/05/2008 15:34

Yes, that's the kind of thing I would fall for

zazen · 27/05/2008 15:36

Well I hope he has bought you a lovely weekend away of pampering as an apology.

Some people are so wrapped up in themselves they're dangerous.