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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...by being upset about this 'joke' my idiotic FIL played on me?

48 replies

wegottagetouttathisplace · 27/05/2008 10:52

I have a close relationship with my FIL. He is a very nice, kind, good man and I've never really fallen out with him before. However, I am a bit unhappy with him after he decided to 'pull my leg' at the weekend. I wonder if I am over-reacting though - what do you think?

DH took DD (14 months) to visit his parents at the weekend. They live about a 40min drive away. I stayed at home to catch up with the house.

They left at about half 12 and by about 4 I was wondering when they would be coming home, so I rang DH's mobile. No answer, so I rang PIL's house. FIL answered.

'Hiya,' I said, 'how's it going?'

'Hi wegotta,' said FIL. 'Where did DH and DD get to then? We were expecting them today.'

'What??' I said, thinking, he must be joking...

'It's just we thought they were supposed to be coming over,' he said, 'but we haven't seen them.'

He sounded quite serious and genuine.

I thought, right, my husband and baby daughter left the house 4 hours ago. They never arrived at their destination, and DH hasn't rung me. Something very, very bad must have happened.

Although I don't actually remember doing so, at this point I fell to my knees on the kitchen floor!

All I could do was stammer, 'But, but they're supposed to be with you...'

Then the phone went quiet. And then my DH's voice came on the phone, saying, 'Hi wegotta, what's he saying to you?'

I cried my bleeding eyes out!!! I was so relieved to hear his voice. He couldn't believe his dad had made me cry with such a stupid joke, and he and his mum had a big go at him.

I've been avoiding him since then but I'll have to speak to him soon. Not sure what to say to him yet. I am still quite angry. For a moment there my worst nightmare had come true! Thanks for that FIL!! I love him, but what a prize twat he can be sometimes!

He is 75 btw - is that an excuse?

I am quite a gullible and trusting person, so maybe my bullshit radar should have been more alert. It did cross my mind that he was joking, but he said it again a second time and he sounded so serious I thought it was real...

OP posts:

sparklesandnowinefor5months · 27/05/2008 15:51

Oh dear i don't think he really thought about that 'joke' did he

I can see why you are and i would be too if someone did something like that, its just not funny to make you think something awful has happened to your family

BUT as you have said he is normally a lovely bloke who you get on well with, no one else was in on it etc i think he has probably learnt his lesson and will be more careful with his future 'jokes'

Glad everyone is ok though

stitch · 27/05/2008 15:55

to the op
you are being unreasonable

edam · 27/05/2008 16:09

what an idiotic thing to do. Not surprised you burst into tears, must have been a massive shock.

Glad you are mending fences, though. He may have been very stupid but clearly not deliberately malicious.

Alderney · 27/05/2008 16:25

I always think you need to look at someone's motivation...

I don't think his motivation was to upset or hurt you - he thought it was a joke.....okay, it wasn't and I'm sure he has been VERY well told off by your MIL and DH.

But his motivation wasn't to be nasty to you...

I understand, I suffer a fair bit from seperation anxiety when my DH and 2 dds go anywhere themselves - it doesn;t happen very often, so I understand the panic...but he wasn't being evil on purpose

Knax · 27/05/2008 16:28

I would have reacted the same... Absolutely terrified. it's intesresting that some people would think it was ok and laugh though

windygalestoday · 27/05/2008 16:35

you have to think up an equally good 'joke' to play on him now ,chin up it was a joke that went way to far!!

seeker · 27/05/2008 16:46

I'm sorry, but I think you are over reacting. I would just put it behind me and forget it. Don't mention it again. But do think up a really good return trick to play on him.

His age is irrelevant byt he way - some people like this sort of practical joke, some don't. And it's not as if he kept you worrying for ages - it was only a minute or two by the sound of it.

Draw a line.

HonoriaGlossop · 27/05/2008 16:48

I don't think this was just a bit of fun or that you over-reacted AT ALL.

It was a really stupid and crap thing to do

I'd be really, really cross.

HonoriaGlossop · 27/05/2008 16:53

I really can't believe that people think you are over-reacting to this or that it was just a joke and you should get over it, basically.

It was a really cruel and stupid thing to do. I can't believe he would do that! My jaw is still on the floor!

Actually I think he ought to be ringing up at the very least and apologising for this. Have you not heard anything from him?

I'm not saying I would make this a huge family feud; if he doesn't mention it I would move on after saying my piece, but he really ought to apologise IMO!

minster · 27/05/2008 16:59

YNBU, it was an moronic thing to do.

Play a trick back on him? Well maybe if you're 7 Practical 'jokes' are utterly juvenile.

HonoriaGlossop · 27/05/2008 17:59

minster that was the other thing I meant to say - playing a trick back on him would not be what I'd want to do as it's kind of minimising what he did - and validating that grown ups actually do this sort of thing which isn't the message you want to give him!

Alambil · 27/05/2008 18:27

Some practical jokes can be hilarious - my grandfather did some fabulous ones in his day.... however, this wasn't well thought out and constructed

I don't think yabu - your feelings are yours and they are fine, but I'd have probably not reacted the same.

Maybe he was expecting you to say "don't be so daft - put DH on hahaha" and not believe him at all

posieparker · 28/05/2008 20:32

My Dad convinced a neighbour that she was getting two children to look after as she'd been nominated by a friend as a wonderful mother and they were really stuck at the local orphanage, this is nearly 30 years ago. She got her bunk beds down from the loft and everything before my mother realised it was him and made him admit it.

georgiemama · 28/05/2008 21:40

No you are not being unreasonable, am mystified that some people think you are. How you can over-react to being led to think that something horrific has befallen DH and DC I am not understanding.

Not funny, not clever. I would make sure DH texts you when he arrives at DPIL in future, my DH has to text me every day to let me know he has got DS to nursery OK.

moondog · 28/05/2008 21:45

What a fucking idiot!
I would go nuts.

FrannyandZooey · 28/05/2008 21:49

I don't think it was harmless fun because the ONLY possible conclusion of the 'joke' was you being convinced that your husband and daughter were dead. Which is hardly the stuff of great comedy is it.

Janni · 28/05/2008 21:50

You can't control your reaction to something like that so no you're not being unreasonable.

As others have said, he wasn't being malicious so try not to hold it against him and if you can be sure he understands what effect it had on you you'll probably be able to let it go more easily.

seeker · 28/05/2008 21:56

Look, he didn't say "Your husband and child HAVE beed abducted by aliens" and then keep the deception going for a week while concealing them in the cellar. He said "We haven't seen them", then almost immediately handed the phone to the OP's husband.

Not the best joke in the world - but surely not worthy of turning a "nice, kind good man" who the OP had a close relationship into a "fucking idiot"

He's probably feeling really bad that he upset you, OP, move on!

lucyellensmum · 28/05/2008 21:59

i would have been "incandescant with rage" FFS, what an arse!!! Tell him, say FIL, you were an arse and you really upset me.. What a stupid stupid stupid thing to do.

scottishmummy · 28/05/2008 21:59

badly judged error from people who should otherwise have known better.as you said MIL gave them hell.

i bet they actually feel VSilly

TenaciousG · 28/05/2008 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

macdoodle · 28/05/2008 22:50

Sorry YANBU what a horrid "joke" - I actaully had a panicky feeling just reading your OP even though I knew outcome from fact you have posted it here...so god knows how you felt - poor you....
I do agree though not worth falling out over if you get on well - but would make him grovel suitably ...

seeker · 29/05/2008 07:37

I must be hugely insensitive - I would have thought either he's having me on OR oh bloody hell, the car's broken down.

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