Not invited to group plans

[nohomealone]

I am in a new group chat with sibling and her friends. This group chat started after siblings friends kept inviting me to things and insisting I come along too the events. I have known some of these girls 10+ years. I was invited to the group chat about a year ago. I obviously don’t expect to be invited to everything they plan as I have a toddler and they are my siblings friends first. Just recently I’ve been in the group chat while they discuss a holiday they went on for a partners birthday and last weekend they watched one of the husbands run a marathon then sibling had a party after to celebrate. From the group chat messages it was discussed and planned on the holiday. One of the girls kept saying things like party at this time event starts at that time obviously I haven’t formally been invited and when In contact with sibling over weekend plans I wast asked if I was going. It just feels a bit mean to talk openly about events and party’s when I’m not invited. Could they not have another chat I’m the only one out of the group not asked. It seems when I’m not there at certain events they plan the next one. I probably get invited to 1-3 events. If the event isn’t toddler appropriate I can get a baby sitter or if they don’t want me as it’s just them and there friends I wouldn’t mind if they just said.

I think that you need to toughen up a bit about the things which you aren’t invited to. These are your sisters friends, you’re new to the group, and you have a young baby.

At the same time, if you haven’t already, you might want to think about organising a couple of things and inviting them all. We tend to invite people to things who have invited us in the past….

Doesn't seem much point in being in the chat, you're not considered a real member of the group, I'd leave.

This sounds likely. Your sister may want to have you in her social life some of the time but not always. If it doesn’t feel possible to ask her directly and you like chatting with others in group, could you just decide to be there for the chat and ignore the discussions about meeting up? Or leave if you won’t miss it too much and contact the people you like most individually?

I’m just hanging on now to understand more about the OP “going out alone” and “watching the others having fun”!!!

It sounds a touch sinister!

I think this sounds really mean actually. I have this exact set up with my sister, she comes along with ‘my’ school friends on nights out as, like you, she’s known them 30 years. Shes in our group chat and invited to everything. The other week, I couldn’t make the night out but my sister went without me. If I was your sister I’d be pissed off with your treatment. You’re either in the circle or not (hence the ‘what’s app group’). I don’t beleive anybody would be ‘chill’ about never really knowing if they were invited or not.

I think I’d put a friendly message on the group next time these messages where pinging back and forth along the lines of ‘Hey girls- don’t think these messages involve me so going to bow out the group- hope you have a great night/day xx’ These friends seem thoughtless at the very least!

What a mean spirited post.

The OP admits to going out and “watching them”

FGS doesn’t that set off alarm bells here

I assume she means on social media. Not stalking.

I feel for you OP. Do you have a friendship group of your own? Id focus on that instead.

“I went out alone”

I think she means watching on social media not in person lol

She clearly says

“I went out alone and was watching them having fun”!!!

I took it to mean she had to go out alone on that occasion as had nobody to go out with and saw on social media that they were all together. Not that she literally went out and watched them.

OP why did you go out alone and not organise a night out with your friends?

In fact, when was the last time you organised a night out with your friends?

She doesn't say she was watching them.

'I did go out alone but could just see all the others out having fun together.'

I took this to mean she could imagine them having fun together.

I went out with my friends 2 weeks ago and meet ip with friends during the week but we all have baby’s so was looking forward to a baby free day