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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to group plans

66 replies

nohomealone · 19/07/2025 12:31

I am in a new group chat with sibling and her friends. This group chat started after siblings friends kept inviting me to things and insisting I come along too the events. I have known some of these girls 10+ years. I was invited to the group chat about a year ago. I obviously don’t expect to be invited to everything they plan as I have a toddler and they are my siblings friends first. Just recently I’ve been in the group chat while they discuss a holiday they went on for a partners birthday and last weekend they watched one of the husbands run a marathon then sibling had a party after to celebrate. From the group chat messages it was discussed and planned on the holiday. One of the girls kept saying things like party at this time event starts at that time obviously I haven’t formally been invited and when In contact with sibling over weekend plans I wast asked if I was going. It just feels a bit mean to talk openly about events and party’s when I’m not invited. Could they not have another chat I’m the only one out of the group not asked. It seems when I’m not there at certain events they plan the next one. I probably get invited to 1-3 events. If the event isn’t toddler appropriate I can get a baby sitter or if they don’t want me as it’s just them and there friends I wouldn’t mind if they just said.

OP posts:
Inthecafe · 20/07/2025 06:40

You and your sibling…. Let me guess, not on great terms?

Inthecafe · 20/07/2025 06:45

nohomealone · 20/07/2025 05:37

I have known these group of girls for 10 or more years due to them being friends with my sister. We all now live back at home and they started inviting me to things on the regular before it would only be at birthdays and weddings for my sister or when I came to visit her. At first I was messaged individually and then they added me to the group chat.

Show quote history

How long ago did they add?

how old are you out of interest op?

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 20/07/2025 06:51

How do you and your sister get on? I wonder if she feels you are muscling in on her group of friends.

Someone added you to the group chat - it was likely one person taking that decision rather than the group discussing and deciding as it were. So being on the group/in the photo - I wouldn’t set so much store by it.

I’d step back a bit. And if you and DS are closer than I have suggested, speak to her.

Inthecafe · 20/07/2025 06:55

A few weeks ago we decided to do something with mutual friend in the group. Due to something plans got cancelled but she still did something with other person different to what we had all planned and didn’t invite m

so this party isn’t the first time

op… quite clearly these women are very close friends. Someone rashly invited you to the group, but they don’t actually intend to incorporate you. Just focus on your own friendship group op

This is all coming across as year 9 sister of group of year 10 besties

Autumn38 · 20/07/2025 07:01

nohomealone · 19/07/2025 21:03

Party details aren’t added until like the night before when these plans have been discussed with others for weeks. There also aren’t enough details to make me think I’m invited. I could ask my sister but sometimes she can be the event planner. Which makes me think she is the one that dosnt want me. A few weeks ago we decided to do something with mutual friend in the group. Due to something plans got cancelled but she still did something with other person different to what we had all planned and didn’t invite me

I think you are reading this right. The others are assuming your sister is inviting you/keeping you up to date. They might have even said on holiday ‘tell your sister’.

also the invitation to the group chat was from the friends not your sister.

I’d say she doesn’t really like you being part of her friend group, but the others don’t know that

Coconutter24 · 20/07/2025 07:35

nohomealone · 19/07/2025 15:28

She's not actually adding details and I can't normally go as I then have plans. It's like on the day of the event person will send address of location and then they follow through with times they will be there. I do also have my other friends in other groups etc. I'm also in the profile pic of this group chat.

So you are being sent details they are just a little to late and you already have plans. That’s different to not being invited. You are invited you’re just busy

Original poster
nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:14

@Coconutter24im not being sent the details there just being put in the group chat the night before or an hour or two before. When they’ve known about these plans for weeks.

OP posts:
Original poster
nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:20

We are actually really close she was the one that invited me and recently told me that I should see her me and her friends as my best friends. I would ask her if I’m invited and know she would say I should come but not because she wants me there as she already invites me to a lot of things. I Just don’t want to put pressure on her to feel she has to invite me. I just think it would be nice to chat about things I’m not invited too separately to me.

OP posts:
spoonbillstretford · 21/07/2025 05:20

I think it's horribly rude of them, OP..

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:20

You really don’t want to tell us how you and your sibling get on do you OP? Or how she feels about you muscling in on her very long standing group of friends?

which is an answer in itself!

And you say you invited to 1 in every 3 get togethers. Do you get worked up about the other 2?

Either way op, you’re a woman in her thirties, you have a child, you have other groups of friends. FGS just leave this long standing group of friends to themselves. The writings on the wall. Someone added you and I suspect because you asked to be added or heavily hinted.

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:21

nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:14

@Coconutter24im not being sent the details there just being put in the group chat the night before or an hour or two before. When they’ve known about these plans for weeks.

This is all so weird op

you that is in afraid.

you are new to the group. A group of friends who have been very close for many years

just leave them to it

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:22

nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:20

We are actually really close she was the one that invited me and recently told me that I should see her me and her friends as my best friends. I would ask her if I’m invited and know she would say I should come but not because she wants me there as she already invites me to a lot of things. I Just don’t want to put pressure on her to feel she has to invite me. I just think it would be nice to chat about things I’m not invited too separately to me.

Really? Very close?

You, your sis and one other had plans. The other dropped out. Your sister chose to go with someone else rather than you.

Original poster
nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:24

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:22

Really? Very close?

You, your sis and one other had plans. The other dropped out. Your sister chose to go with someone else rather than you.

Edited
Show quote history

Yes we speak multiple times a day and meet up about once or twice a week. We just don’t really discuss plans on what we are doing with out each other

OP posts:
Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:24

In contact with sibling over weekend plans I wast asked if I was going.

because you are not invited!!

OP just focus on your own group of friends. Otherwise, I think you’re going to make a pest of yourself amongst this group

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:26

nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:24

Yes we speak multiple times a day and meet up about once or twice a week. We just don’t really discuss plans on what we are doing with out each other

Show quote history

Well clearly

But we aren’t talking about plans “without each other”

you appear to think you should be invited to all these events with your sister and her friends

Original poster
nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:29

@Inthecafei just think it’s rude to chat about them in front of my face. It sucks I spoke to my sister and said this week had been hard my husband works away we have no help baby is 11 months. I said I wish I had some plans this weekend as husband was going to give me a day off to go relax and rest. I did go out alone but could just see all the others out having fun together.

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 21/07/2025 05:33

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:24

In contact with sibling over weekend plans I wast asked if I was going.

because you are not invited!!

OP just focus on your own group of friends. Otherwise, I think you’re going to make a pest of yourself amongst this group

@nohomealone is your sis in WhatsApp group chats with your friends?

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:33

nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:29

@Inthecafei just think it’s rude to chat about them in front of my face. It sucks I spoke to my sister and said this week had been hard my husband works away we have no help baby is 11 months. I said I wish I had some plans this weekend as husband was going to give me a day off to go relax and rest. I did go out alone but could just see all the others out having fun together.

well if you think it’s rude
leave the very long standing group chat of very close friends

it will be better for you
it will be better for them

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:34

nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:29

@Inthecafei just think it’s rude to chat about them in front of my face. It sucks I spoke to my sister and said this week had been hard my husband works away we have no help baby is 11 months. I said I wish I had some plans this weekend as husband was going to give me a day off to go relax and rest. I did go out alone but could just see all the others out having fun together.

Come again

you “went out alone”

and watched “the others having fun”

did they know you were “watching” them?

CopperWhite · 21/07/2025 05:39

To me it just sounds like an oversight. People
have lots of groups and too many people in a group to keep track of and individual considerations about people get missed. They probably think your sister is letting you know of any plans you might like to join.

CaptainFuture · 21/07/2025 05:44

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:34

Come again

you “went out alone”

and watched “the others having fun”

did they know you were “watching” them?

Show quote history

This, and why didn't you approach your own group of friends to do something?
Who actually added you to the group? And as per pp were they merry on the sherry when they did?

Wilfrida1 · 21/07/2025 05:50

nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:29

@Inthecafei just think it’s rude to chat about them in front of my face. It sucks I spoke to my sister and said this week had been hard my husband works away we have no help baby is 11 months. I said I wish I had some plans this weekend as husband was going to give me a day off to go relax and rest. I did go out alone but could just see all the others out having fun together.

No help? Does your sister not ever help you?

MyDeftDuck · 21/07/2025 06:08

nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:29

@Inthecafei just think it’s rude to chat about them in front of my face. It sucks I spoke to my sister and said this week had been hard my husband works away we have no help baby is 11 months. I said I wish I had some plans this weekend as husband was going to give me a day off to go relax and rest. I did go out alone but could just see all the others out having fun together.

Then leave the group, focus on your own life and make your own friendship group.
I love my siblings dearly but would not want to socialise with them AND their friends on a regular basis……we have totally difference interests to begin with. Siblings are family and a completely different dynamic to a group of people having a night out or a weekend away.

user1492757084 · 21/07/2025 06:08

You are being too sensitive, Op.
Be up front when confused and just ask - Hey, am I invited to this one?
In all likely hood you are invited if you are a chat group member and that is possibly what you are not understanding.

If not, the fact of you consistently asking for clarification will be evident and make the group reassess their communication.
You are all just very busy parents and I think you are over reacting.

Hodgemollar · 21/07/2025 06:09

Surely it’s completely appropriate that you’re invited to 1 in 3 events given they aren’t really your friends but you’re just an extension of your sister?