AIBU to be annoyed about a message in a birthday card

[NestEmptying]

I got a card from DB for my birthday yesterday which said To my favourite sister and my kids second favourite Auntie after Jane (name changed). He has no other sister and his kids only have two aunts. So he's basically saying his kids don't like me!

. He presumably meant it to be funny but I didn't laugh and it just felt like a big fuck you! We're in our 50s so maybe I should get his sense of humour by now but this felt like being bullied.

He called to say happy birthday and ask if I got the card and what I thought - So I told him exactly how it made me feel. He has apologised and so has his wife - who said she told him not to put it but he did anyway!

My AIBU is this. DM read the card on the mantelpiece and asked me about it so I told her what I'd said. (That I'd felt bullied) She wants me to apologise for overreacting! I don't think I did.

DM thinks I shouldn't have said anything and I should have taken it as a joke. One of her card jokes is to put 'my favourite daughter' in my card (I'm her only daughter, ha ha), so I think DB was just riffing off this and went too far - he has apologised and will presumably not be so thoughtless next time.

Was I unreasonable to tell DB he upset me with this comment? I told DM I wouldn't be apologising - but I wondered if anyone agreed with her? Her 'favourite daugher' joke has never really sat well either, why not just be nice!
YABU - it was just a joke and you should apologise for overreacting
YANBU - You didn't overreact.

That is really shitty. Do not apologise for not splitting your sides laughing.

I think your brother shows his emotional stupidity rather than trying to hurt you.. He thought he was being funny. It wasn’t. But yeah now you know you are second in the aunt popularity stakes. Not nice at all.

Does your mother always pander to your brother and wants you to do the same? He sounds immature at best.

When you are in your fifties, your parents really should have learned by now that they are no longer in charge of your relationship with your brother. You spoke to him, he apologised, why does your mother’s opinion matter?

Seems like a failed attempt of a joke (which wasn't funny).

You've said it was inappropriate. I'd let it go now. andBinTheCard

This is probably the main issue yes. He used to get away with some shitty behaviour when we were younger.

Your mother already “jokes” about favourite/only daughter; your brother was following suit. Fair enough it didn’t land for you.

To call it “a big Fuck You” and to feel bullied is making an enormous fuss about a naff failed joke. Your brother was a prat with a crap sense of humour, not a bully who says his kids don’t like you.

Is low self esteem an issue? I can’t see why you’d make that leap otherwise.

I feel your annoyance. My Dsis uses this phrase mainly to describe herself as “your (my) favourite sister”. I have more than one sister and this really annoys me. I do realise she’s joking but it grates every time.

See I think lots of people do this thinking they arr being funny, so people should just lighten up. My cousin does this and we all hate her, so I find it quite amusing

But the mum only has one daughter, whereas the OP is one of two aunties. I’d be upset too, OP. I think you did the right thing to call it out.

My nieces were always changing their names in my mum’s phone address book to say “Favourite Granddaughter” and “Naughty Granddaughter”. They thought it was hilarious.

In fairness they were 10 and 12.

Agree 100%

But would any sensible, rational person take that to mean “I am telling you on your birthday that my kids don’t like you” rather than “I’m making a flimsy attempt at humour”?

I agree with @PestoHoliday

I think “ To my favourite daughter / son / sister” when they are the only daughter etc is a very common “ joke”. Your brother meant to be funny, not unkind. Sounds this is hitting some buttons.

The guy’s apologised, you’ve binned the card which he remembered to send you and even write in, and your mum just wants everyone to be happy families

No, they would not.

Perfectly reasonable. Your mum should stay out of it. Why does she think she’s the judge of who should do what?

Yeah I couldn't get upset by this.

It was obviously an attempt at humour which was backfired. You didn't find it funny, I get that. But I just couldn't have been arsed to make a fuss about this.

I wouldn’t take it as “my kids don’t like you”, but I would take it as “my kids like Jane better than you”. Which is literally what it says! And yes, I would find that a bit upsetting.

I’d have seen it as a joke. During Covid, my brother ordered my birthday card from my mum from Moonpig as she wasn’t great at ordering stuff online.

it said “to my favourite second child”. When I opened the card I thought this was hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing. His wife was apparently really annoyed with him for doing this and told him he couldn’t do that.

My nan used to call me her favourite granddaughter. I was the only GD with a brother and male cousins. I adored her and secretly interpreted this as I was her favourite DGC

It sounds like a family joke but your DB may be took it too far and touched a nerve so there's probably some subliminal feelings going on there

It seems to have become A Thing now for people to routinely use greetings cards as a way to be mean or even PA to the recipient.

If you look at the actual designs on the cards - not even the personalised writing from the giver - an awful lot of them have now strayed from silly inoffensive jokes about getting older to some really rather crude and nasty insults.

I frequently see cards with messages that I wouldn't want to convey to anybody I know; much less to somebody I actually cared enough for to be getting them a card.

This ! Why are people so uptight these days ? At least he remembered,chose a card and sent it to you ,which nowadays is a rare event with cards generally!

I think you’re being oversensitive.

I would take it as a bit of a lame joke 🤷🏻‍♀️

You told him you didn’t like it, he said sorry. No need for any further discussion. My initial thoughts were you’re being sensitive, but I realise that I don’t know anything of your family dynamics or history. You may have good reason to feel your brother took an opportunity to have a dig at you.

Totally agree.

FFS - get over it. YABU