AIBU to not rearrange again?

[Mangobanana55]

Friend wanted to organise and wine and food night with me and another friend (group of 3!) we all have young children but managed to book in a date. Best place to host was my house due to space/location. My toddler goes to bed at 6.30 and isn't disturbed easily either.
DP took the opportunity to arrange to meet a friend that night.

On the day, friend messages around 12ish to ask if we can rearrange as she's not well. Fine. Sat in with takeaway for one.
The next day however she mentioned how her family had gone for a late lunch with other friends (on the day she cancelled)..... thought that was abit odd but anyway new date was locked in.

Day comes , DP arranged to go out again, nibbles and wine purchased, house cleaned ready for guests and around 12pm we get a message to say , she has double booked, her partner forgot to mention his friend is staying over and would now be rude to head out for the evening. Asks to rearrange.
She then messages to say they have tickets to an event now the afternoon and excited to head back for food, games and drinks with her DP friend for the evening and worried about hangover.

me and other friend arnt as close so doesn't really work for us two to carry on TBH and she didn't seem keen in the group messsage.

AIBU to not rearrange again???? is that petty?
Two nights now I have been ditched. DP gone out so I've been sat alone (with nibbles atleast). I turned down other plans for today that came up a while ago!

@Mangobanana55 YANBU. If I were you I'd add a message to your WA group saying something like "OK flakey friend, I'll leave it to you to rearrange and we'll come to yours." I bet once she has to invest some effort i.e. cleaning her house and buying in nibbles, it'll never get rearranged! 😂

I find this really weird as my DP and his friends wouldn’t care if I stuck to prearranged plans to go see my own friends. She sounds flakey and annoying. No I wouldn’t rearrange a 3rd time! Cheeky shit she is.

If it was a group text I would ask the other friend to still come over, explaining you have bought food and husband gone out especially etc. hopefully she might read the text and get the hint that she has really put you out and how much effort you have made.

It's really annoying the way some folk have form for cancelling. Don't arrange anything again. Unreliable cf

People who don’t host don’t know how much effort it is. It’s not just nipping to Sainsbury’s for some wine and crisps. It’s cleaning the house, getting kids in bed, turning down other invitations as you can’t flake as the get together is at YOUR bloody house!

DH and I used to host regular togethers for a particular group of established friends. I’d say we’re good hosts. But I think people started to take an invite from us for granted and reciprocal invitations became rare. We became a sure thing and people started to flake, knowing we’d invite them to the next BBQ/meal/party.

Anyway, one Saturday evening at Christmas (when we’d turned down a couple of other fun sounding invitations) about half our invitees dropped out over 24 hours (despite us being cajoled into hosting a Christmas do the first place!) Some clearly’d had better offers so we decided to draw a line in the sand and say no-more with this group. We will meet them out somewhere for dinner but no more big group dos on Mr and Mrs Dublin’s time and dime. There has been some whinging about the ‘good old days’ and ‘when are you going to have another party?’ etc but we’re done.

I think she’s really rude to be honest. She has only arranged things to the extent that she had said she’d come but the actual work of sorting things has been left to you twice now. If she raises it to re schedule when just say love to catch up at yours, looking forward

her partner forgot to mention his friend is staying over and would now be rude to head out for the evening.

That's not a reason to cancel is it?

excited to head back for food, games and drinks with her DP friend for the evening and worried about hangover.

So she could still have come to you if she had wanted to.

Yeah I’d say no/be busy. Or at least say fine but I’m not hosting x

No, you’re not being unreasonable to not want to rearrange…..she’s taking you for a convenient mug.

I hate people like that.

If she was a decent friend she would actually organise something herself for the 3 of you to apologise for her recent serial flaking.

I would just planning things with her and make some new friends!

She is showing how little she respects or values you.

Definitely do this.

Brave of you! That would be the one time they didn’t cancel in my experience. 😂

Definitely don’t rearrange it if she mentions it again just say yeh great but at your home and you supply the wine and nibbles seeing as mine were wasted on both occasions and if she pulls out I would definitely say no to the next plan. I had a friend like this she said for a year or so oh we should meet up eventually I gave up stopped texting didn’t see or hear from her for years. She was my dc godmother as well. Very poor friendship always had time others though.

Perfect response. Also can’t stand people who ditch you for a better offer and seemingly don’t value your time!

I have just finished with a close friend for the same reason. She takes weeks to commit and then she would nearly always cancel. She got worse when she moved to the coast and had to drive for an hour to see me whereas I always went to her. More recently 3 cancelled three times in a row and when she finally booked another date she texted me to say would I mind if she brought her daughter as she fancied a day out! So we wouldn't be able to talk freely having not seen other for about a year. This time I cancelled and laid out all the reasons in a what'sapp message. She asked if I'd be still willing to continue the relationship bearing in mind "my resentments" and I said I wanted to put it all on hold. I won't be contacting her again.

yes remember an ex friend with whom I has planned Nerw years Eve cancelling me on the day because she had better offer and when I was obviously shocked and disappointed she said I was being childish. It wasnt the first time she had let me down because better offers had come out- but that was a bit of a standout! I ended up cancelling her for good.

I know that if my DH had arranged for a friend of his to visit & forgot to tell me until the day of the visit (which I very much doubt would happen) he would insist that I carried on with my plans - especially if I'd already cancelled. I know that he would accuse me of being rude if I cancelled again.

I have a friend who does this, I thought I was maybe overreacting - plan a date, sort kids, a group of us, but then they will cancel on the day or day before. Sometimes though they change their mind last minute and ask to meet as planned. I kind of need a plan in place, I don't like flip-flopping, especially when you've planned childcare or a special date.