AIBU to not rearrange again?

[Mangobanana55]

Friend wanted to organise and wine and food night with me and another friend (group of 3!) we all have young children but managed to book in a date. Best place to host was my house due to space/location. My toddler goes to bed at 6.30 and isn't disturbed easily either.
DP took the opportunity to arrange to meet a friend that night.

On the day, friend messages around 12ish to ask if we can rearrange as she's not well. Fine. Sat in with takeaway for one.
The next day however she mentioned how her family had gone for a late lunch with other friends (on the day she cancelled)..... thought that was abit odd but anyway new date was locked in.

Day comes , DP arranged to go out again, nibbles and wine purchased, house cleaned ready for guests and around 12pm we get a message to say , she has double booked, her partner forgot to mention his friend is staying over and would now be rude to head out for the evening. Asks to rearrange.
She then messages to say they have tickets to an event now the afternoon and excited to head back for food, games and drinks with her DP friend for the evening and worried about hangover.

me and other friend arnt as close so doesn't really work for us two to carry on TBH and she didn't seem keen in the group messsage.

AIBU to not rearrange again???? is that petty?
Two nights now I have been ditched. DP gone out so I've been sat alone (with nibbles atleast). I turned down other plans for today that came up a while ago!

Totally disrespectful and rude.
Ditch the “ friend” and make a new one, I would.

Crack on without her.

Na yanbu. I can't stand people who do or partly accept invites then ditch you if a better offer comes up. I have an acquaintance/friend of a friend type person who does this. Says they won't know until the last min because x,y,z. Last time I didn't invite them and they tried to invite themselves and I said not knowing until the last min doesn't work for us. I decided I can no longer be arsed with that shit and not knowing whether to cater for their family or not until the last min when I need to get everything organised and shop etc.

I would not be making any further plans at all! She sounds flaky and annoying.You are the fallback friend I'm afraid .If she tries to rearrange just say you are busy ATM and will call her and dont.

Ok glad no one really thinks I am being petty then! Thanks!

You say she arranged it, but you were the one to clean the house and buy all the food. Sounds pretty easy for her! I wouldn't go to the effort again for her. Spend more time with nicer people!

Personally, no absolutely not. I would say that you’ve let me down twice and I’m not risking my evening being ruined a third time.

However, it sort of depends what sort of friend she is & how you know her. She wouldn’t be someone I would be prioritising my evenings for, but if she’s a good friend in other ways then I may not go out my way to fall out with her. I think there are different types of friends.

If she's cheeky enough to push to rearrange again I'd say something, rather than avoiding the question.

She's not given any thought at all to the fact that you've lost out on buying food on both occasions and your DH has put himself out of his way to make alternative arrangements so they could come round.

She sounds bloody annoying and I agree that she's taking a 'better offer'.

It's really poor form and she's a terrible friend.

She downright lied the first time. The second time, even if double-booked, why should her DH's visitor take priority over you?

Definitely agree to rearrange but not at your house, and tell her why. Make it clear you might back out if you get a better offer.

YANBU

I dumped a friend for this kind of behaviour. In my case she actually had the gall to phone me and say she'd been invited to a party so she was cancelling our meet-up.

I didn't see her again.

I wouldn’t bother with her at all as to be quite frank, she doesn’t give a toss about you.
Friends do not treat friends like that.
If there had been an unavoidable emergency, you could work with that, but this is selfish and spiteful.
I can’t stand the word ‘flaky’ because it detracts from how appalling this behaviour is. It is basically a person saying that their life, time and resources are far more important than yours.
If you are just friends with the other acquaintance through her, don’t feel forced to befriend her. But if you feel you may have something in common, meet her for a casual coffee.
The only friend this main friend has is herself and as long as you put up with it, she will keep doing it.

I think I’d have to respond with “Are you sure other friend? I’ve already bought all the wine/nibbles and DH has arranged a night out. Would still love to have you over if you fancy it!” But tbh, I’m post menopause and out of fucks. Current me would be quite delighted to be lounging around in my pjs in my clean and quiet house with lovely food - but when my kids were still babies, I still really valued social time with my friends, and this was one of the ways we managed it, so I absolutely get your disappointment

I wouldn’t make anymore plans and I’d be telling her why.

I'd gleefully book her in for a third time, then just go out (somewhere toddler-friendly) for the evening, without mentioning it. But I am Officially A Bad Person.

"around 12pm we get a message to say , she has double booked, her partner forgot to mention his friend is staying over and would now be rude to head out for the evening"

She's very free and easy with YOUR time isn't she?
Her partner 'forgot' to mention HIS friend is staying over. So what the hell has that to do with her OR you? Surely she says to her partner, "he's your friend and I already have plans".
Why is his friend more important than you?
He isn't. It's bullshit. She chose hanging out with them and and sacked you off...again.

Don't go to any further effort for this person.

Wow! Rude that she cancelled twice but when you have cleaned and spent money and your husband made arrangements, not a chance if I was you I would bother again. Let her do all the heavy lifting now.

I would have said ‘you’re still welcome to come over.. I have bought wine and snacks’ to the other friend.

If she tries to arrange again I would be tempted to reply "let me know when you want to meet at yours" and then see if I felt it was worth the effort on the day. I certainly would no longer be making her a priority.

If she tries to rearrange again I would say "Oh let's leave it until things are a bit less busy on your end shall we?" And then do nothing further.

I wouldnt organise again with her sounds like a pain in the hoop

She’s chosen someone else over you.. twice by the sounds of it! No I’d definitely not rearrange!

Nope I wont be rearranging anything with her if I was you.

I think allow a third time if not then just tell her to forget it but is she going through something right now?

You deserve better friends op!

She's so rude. I wouldn't rearrange. FWIW I have a chronic condition and never know whether I will be well enough to do things. I hate feeling flakey and turn down most invites, but if I do accept an invite I always say, 'I'd love to - but I'm not ever able to guarantee what my health will be like that day, so please don't think I'm rude if I have to cancel on the day'.

There are days when I just can't get out of bed (Chronic Fatigue) and it's frustrating and difficult - however, it's perfectly clear that this isn't the same in your friend's case.