DS worried about bully coming up to school in September

[ThisQuickPeachFinch]

DS has just finished Year 7 and he will obviously be going into Year 8 in 6 weeks. There’s this Year 6 girl who lives on our road and regularly plays in our local park. She has always been mean to DS and his friend whenever they’ve played there. She pushed him over a few weeks ago to get on the zip wire before him.

Anyway, last Friday on Year 6 transition day at school she told him she’s going to make his life hell when she starts there in September. Only tonight did he tell me that she and her friend were kicking him in the chins at lunchtime. I looked and his legs and they are covered in bruises still after a week. I’m annoyed at him as he didn’t tell me or a teacher about it but he said he didn’t want anyone to know and it’s too late now because it’s the holidays.

He’s told me he’s too scared to go back in September because he knows she and maybe her other friend will kick him again or/and ram into him as well as take photos of him like she has done at the park before. Her friend isn’t always like that but she is when she’s around this girl.

I don’t really know what to do now because the academic year is over. Would I report it to the school in September? Would they not be interested due to lack of evidence and it was in a previous year? I don’t know??

Email his form tutor and head of year. Lay out the issues his had in the street and park. Tell them exactly what happened on transition day and ask them to keep an eye to prevent any further issues.

Often the canteen dining hall has cctv so should have caught something. Primary school kids take a while to realise they are basically constantly on camera at secondary.

If you can I’d picture his legs too.

This needs recording before she can switch it up as him doing something to her.

Dreadful advice. Teaching an older boy to stand up to a girl with self defence is never going to end well.

Oh good lord. Respectfully , OP, if you continue to teach your son to be scared and timid, he'll keep being bullied and he'll learn nothing.

Take control, advocate for your son. Teach him how to look after himself without using violence

Speak to the Police and ask them to have a chat

Take photographs of your sons bruises and make a timeline of all the bullying

Show him this is serious and not to be hidden away

The school? Not if you don’t want them to.
You could make it clear that you are informing them only so that they can monitor the situation.
I do think that there needs to be some accountability for this girl though.

Anyone with any safeguarding training will tell you, always, always report to school. If the behaviour escalates then the punishments also should escalate. For anyone saying I was bullied this is usually before the policies were put into place for safeguarding and bullying.

Do not go round to the parents' house. You are thinking that because you are reasonable you will be dealing with reasonable and that isn't always the case.

Email the school now, even over holidays safeguarding is monitored. Take photos of the bruises and attach them, this happened in school and school will deal with it when she starts in September. My Dc's school had a list of contacts and what category they came under. This is safeguarding, they need to ensure your child is safe.

For people saying bullying happens, yes it does but schools have bullying policies and safeguarding ones on their website. It is also usually in the school planner too so your child knows what to do. My own children were both bullied, it stopped immediately because it was reported by them and the punishments were effective. Even when it was their word against the other child.

This girl is used to primary school punishments of miss 5 minutes of your play time. Secondary is a harsher environment and her punishments will be detention, isolation and her parents being brought in for a meeting.

I understand your son is scared, but this can be dealt with, by the school.

I would inform the school, and also work with your son on how to stand up for himself - did he sit there and let her repeatedly kick him? And I would also speak to her parents tomorrow. I would be brief: ‘there have been several incidents where your daughter has kicked my son She’s told him she is going to make his life a misery at school. If there is a single incident it will be reported to the police as assault.’

Deliver it firmly - then walk away.

My heart bleeds for your DS, spending the whole of his summer with the weight of fear hanging over him about going back to school. You have had good advice on here and I hope you can get things sorted.

Your poor son. I would make it my mission to find that girls house and discuss it with the mum. If that didn’t work she would be getting battered

Is he doing anything to stand up for himself? If not, why not?

He needs training (literally - MMA, self-defence etc) to be less scared and to know how to stop people like her, because we all know that they exist into adulthood too.

I’d also be at the mother’s door, but I appreciate that some people are scared of that approach.

The mum or the daughter? 😂

Schools definitely monitor emails for safeguarding issues. Your son is scared but he depends on you to do the right thing and you should model how this sort of behaviour is not tolerated. I don't know how you're holding yourself back, I would be walking the streets looking for her.

You need to stop being apprehensive and fight for your son. When my daughter was in year 7, some year 11 girls pushed her over on the way home from school and she arrived home bleeding. I had no hesitation whatsoever in involving the police.

You shouldn’t be worrying about what it looks like for you to be ‘involved’ with a police report.

Please believe me when I say that bullying experiences can scar a child for life. Don’t be one of those parents who won’t advocate for their child.

Like others have said, definitely report it to the school. Email with the history and the recent threat and the details of the kicking incident with pictures. Assuming the kicking incident happened in transition day while at secondary school? So school need to know. Not a good start for this little bully starting secondary school in trouble! Hopefully school will put her in her place and inform her parents if you can't find them.

In the summer I would work on trying to find out where she lives, go to the police which her name and address and hopefully the police can also pay a visit.

Please do tell the school. I was bullied at secondary for nearly 2 years. Not physical, but nasty girls stuff led by one girl, but she got others involved.

It only stopped because she began to bully another girl too who told her mum and school. It was dealt with very discreetly by the form tutor (partly because the bully was one of her favourites). I was unaware that it had been reported, all I knew was that suddenly the bullying stopped.

Bully is now a doctor and I hope to god she's nicer to her patients.

My mum was also one who wouldn't want to make a scene, and I didn't even bother to tell her. Probably also because I was ashamed that I wasn't liked.

Please do contact the school, your son will be worrying about it all summer.

Don’t be so silly. Your son is hardly the one in trouble. Working with kids for a long time and a fright is the best way to get them to stop. Police showing up is usually a brilliant deterrent for bullies.

I’d find out where she lives and tell her parents about her behaviour and/or involve police to give her a nice fright (if you do just tell her parents, I’d inform her parents if it happens again you’ll involve the police).

Whatever you do I’d let the school know what’s been happening for after summer so they’re aware.

Advocate for your son.

Yes, inform the school . Most schools have a procedure for bullying. If the school know in advance it can be stopped before it starts.

Where and when did it happen? I can't comprehend how primary kids on transition day have much, if any, interaction with existing students.

Or father

Or father

Just to put this into perspective...I lost my son to mental health issues which started due to being bullied at high school. My son played it down at the time, and didn't let us know how bad it was. It all came out years later at the inquest. I don't want to cause any scaremongering but you are lucky that your son has opened up fully to you. Please inform the school and take this extremely seriously.

This is heartbreaking 💔
But it so so important that stories like your sons are shared.

you must be an incredibly strong woman 💐💐💐

I went and knocked on the doors of the 2 bullies who were tormenting one of my DCs. I had to make a few enquiries to get names and addresses, then off I went.

Both sets of parents were mortified. (I was very polite - said I was hoping to have a word about bullying and I was sure they weren't aware of what was going on).

In my case it worked and was the right thing to do. But I guess it depends on the people you're dealing with.

Nobody wants to be 'involved in a police incident' but there are far worse things, including offering up your child as a victim. Those who will put up with anything for a quiet life usually don't get one.

This is terrible advice. Children taking matters on their own hands are likely to get into trouble.
Definitely tell the school.they will have experience of dealing with these situations and can keep an eye on her. If she is like this with your son it's likely she is like it with other people. And she also very likely has issues herself that the school may already be aware of
And also try and build up your son's confidence . Not so he can be violent back so he can be assertive.

Chances are, your son isn't the only child she's targeting. Tell the school, and report anything that happens out of school to the appropriate authorities.