Am I being too sensitive re school awards?

[Angels1111]

I work in a SEN school and when we give feedback to our children it's worded in the positive, ie we focus praising that they've learned xyz skill etc and their good qualities.
We of course focus on what they need to learn too but we very much highlight skills they already have.

My son goes to a mainstream (has SEN but not severe enough for a SEN school). He just had his school awards and I just found it...odd.

But here are some examples of awards:

• found school hard due to SEN but showed great resilience in turning up and trying every day
• not academic but any skill they do learn they share with their friends which encouraged peer to peer learning
• found it hard to concentrate all year, just wanted to play, but by the end would sit down to do the learning and had matured
• didn't like to do messy play but very diligent with reading

Is this normal in a mainstream setting? In our setting
...of course we would constantly be working on the bits that needed work, we wouldn't have mentioned them in a public award ceremony.
I am just getting a feel on MN as my view may have been skewed working in SEN.

YABU - this is fine to word awards in that way
YANBU - there was no need to list a childs weaknesses during an award ceremony, she could have just said "has resilience, plays well with friends, diligent with reading" etc

Did other parents hear the names of these awards?
If they did I would not be happy at all. I'm a teacher in a mainstream school, we don't do awards or Star of the week etc because they are bullshit but this is really bad.
All of those awards are deficit based.

I completely agree with you.

Can't edit, but to add they're reception kids

Yeh it was a public award ceremony. I'm glad to hear this, I thought it was just me. Communication has been like this all year - parent teacher conferences are just about problems. I've never come across anyone who communicates in such a one sided way. The other parents don't seem to mind so I thought it was something in me.

I guess its okay in reception. And the negative stuff is more of an explanation otherwise the awards would be things like 'can sit down' 'came to class'

So fed up of rewards for resilience. Actually caused a meltdown at home for my eldest as he couldn't understand why he got it for resilience instead of the brilliant piece of maths he did that week. Your child's are way worse though, it's almost like they are doing the praise sandwich approach to criticise and say he isn't good enough like they do in a workplace. Please do talk to the school as you won't be the only parent feeling like that. It makes me so sad.

I'm assuming the awards were more like "Most Resilient Pupil" and the Head or whoever was presenting then explained why they'd been given these awards?

That's really crappy!! 😡

Yeh I guess so, but some of the wording rankled. Eg could have said:

• showed great resilience in overcoming difficulties caused by SEN
• shares what he learns with peers (the 'not very academic' part was irrelevant and I wonder whether the parents would have wanted that shared)
• reads very diligently (the not liking messy play part was irrelevant...I mean, it's not going to make or break her...)

Etc

It doesnt matter if it was. You don't outline a child's challenges to the whole school. You wouldn't take a neurotypical child and give them a sports award and say it was for coming second to last instead of last as they always come. You just don't highlight struggles to th3 whole school or put a negative in an award, give the praise that is due without a negative attached. There is too much of an assumption neurodivergent kids don't pick up on these things but they can be hyper sensitive to them and have their confidence knocked so badly.

Seems fine to me as it's an explanation for the award. I'm assuming the award itself isn't that much of a mouthful.

My son is in a wheelchair and got an award for his resilience during PE as he obviously finds it more difficult than others but he was determined to join in with as much as he can including yoga and dodgeball.

I was perfectly fine with the teacher going into details about how much tougher he finds it and finding out about him really trying to join in with yoga and dodgeball. Just saying ''Here is George's award for resilience'' would be a bit dull to be honest.

These are ridiculous. You can offer an award without stating the "negative" first.

• found school hard due to SEN but showed great resilience in turning up and trying every day

Mary showed amazing resilience and hard work throughout the whole year, we are amazed by her determination. Well done Mary keep it up next year.

• not academic but any skill they do learn they share with their friends which encouraged peer to peer learning

Zach is a great team player who enjoys learning with his peers and passing on his newly learned skills. Awesome job Zach.

• found it hard to concentrate all year, just wanted to play, but by the end would sit down to do the learning and had matured

Lucy has matured greatly this year, settling into the setting and feeling comfortable with the new routine. She especially loves to play with her friends.

• didn't like to do messy play but very diligent with reading

George loves a book and is an amazing reader. We really hope he continues this through out his school learning! Well done George.

I would say something to the school.

It's not you.

I also have an autistic child in mainstream (my own school actually) and these awards are completely othering .

School need to seriously review the way they view SEN and stop made up awards that emphasize the negative.

Those 'awards' are odd as fuck OP - what the hell are they thinking? It's like they had to get a little dig into everything they had to say about him. If they were just explaining then maybe I could understand - but this goes beyond that, what has messy play got to do with reading? How is not being academic relevant? To me this screams that they have found him extremely hard work and they want everyone to know what they had to put up with. I think it's really horrible.

I think the award on resiliencemay have needed an explanation (but did the child want the whole school to know about SEN?) but none of the rest of them needed the long explanation of negative aspects of the child first.

They were all separate awards for separate people, but yes to me it was like "this is what I found hard work about your child and this is the thing I am awarding, and for some reason I have to tell you both"

Hmmm I'm a teacher and I saw the title and thought YABU but having actually read the awards they do seem very strangely worded!! What happened to "fantastic effort" or "resilient learner"? I don't know why you would mention SEN at all! I'd flag this for sure.

It’s just clumsy isn’t it, I’m sure they have good intentions but not well worded at all. I remember a couple of years ago at DS’s rugby club awards, one of boys received an awarded worded ‘X may not be the best at rugby, but he’s done a great job at recommending the club to his friends and recruited some star talent’. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t come back next season, it was humiliating for him and his parents.

Exactly!!!!!
This is what I was thinking..

It was the last day and the teacher is leaving so I'm not sure whether to bother.

There was no suggestion all of these are SEN kids

You absolutely could have an award that was "they're not very sporty but they always try"

Oh gawd 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

That is a good point.

With my son it is obvious that he is physically disabled, there's no missing his wheelchair. So it's a bit different with him.

As pp said, it sounds more like clumsy wording more than anything.

😲😲😲

The worst thing was, this kid and his parents thought he was a good player - he was pretty upset to discover he actually wasn’t. And I mean it really didn’t matter, it was a kids Sunday morning rugby club, not Saracens. I have no idea what the coaches were thinking.

As a teacher of thirty plus years experience I'd say those are absolutely shocking.
The negatives or rather the difficulties are something to be discussed in private with the parents, not broadcast to every family at a public awards ceremony.

I really am taken aback by the wording there. I would never present public awards in that way, and in fact I can't recall ever having seen it done like this either.

I have been through hell and back with my SEN son this year (also reception in a mainstream primary school).

Nothing surprises me anymore, OP