To find it strange that this friend always says this?

[Panther40]

Every single time something slightly or more unfortunate happens to this friend, she says she hopes the same never happens to me.
It's just a bit strange and almost seems disingenuous, I'm sure she means well but there's something odd about it.

For instance, her washing machine broke. She said 'I hope your washing machine never breaks!"

She had something like tonsillitis and said 'I hope you never get tonsillitis!'

Then I think she got paid slightly late and said 'I hope you never get paid late!' Each time I just say thank you, I don't know why I just find it disingenuous.
Or am I just being ungrateful? I have my bad luck too but I don't say that to her every single time.

Just sounds like a harmless phrase she’s latched onto! If she’s generally nice and thoughtful I’d just ignore it

It’s bizarre and I’d end up laughing everytime she said it

do it back to her!

“I just stood in dog shit, I hope you never stand in dog shit!”

“I forgot to buy a lottery ticket - I hope you never forget to buy a lottery ticket!”

I just think she’s socially inept. Give her time. She just might not know how to read social cues or is uncomfortable and just doesn’t use the right words.

I couldn’t get worked up about it. Sounds like she’s trying to be nice, just being a bit awkward about how she expresses it.

I take what I said back, I’m not in your position to judge bc I’m not there. Wishing you the best. Hope you can make your building safer.

I would be wondering if she had some underlying anxiety going on... that if she didn't say these things, and they happened to you... it would be her fault. So she says what she does as a way to protect you... if that makes sense?

Sounds like she's got a bit of a verbal tick. I can see that it's a bit odd and maybe slightly annoying, but I wouldn't take it personally or think anymore about it.

I’d just say ‘same’ Why are you thanking her?

It’s a kind thought that’s become a habit. I wouldn’t let it bother you.

😆 🤣 I love your examples

I think you’re overthinking it.

I hope no one every overthinks what you say to them…

I have a colleague that does something similar, and I thought I was the only one!

Whenever we chat about anything negative, whether its disastrous, upsetting or simply unfortunate (eg, war in the Middle East, someone we know has cancer, colleague lost their bank cards), they caveat it with "Hopefully we never experience that" 😅

"Did you see the news? That airstrike killed 30 people in a hospital... hopefully we never experience that."

"Dave's locked out of his work emails...fingers crossed that never happens to us!"

Bit odd and probably harmless but I also think it sounds a bit victimy.
Im probably reading too much into it though.

You find it strange your friend doesn’t want you to experience unpleasant things that she has????

Err, no. Don't be 🪿 silly.

(I love that a goose appeared when I typed silly 😄)

lol that would get right on my tits i must say

it is a bit strange but also harmless so grit ya teeth and try not to let it wind you up too much

Is it bc she thinks you’re not acknowledging it adequately so she’s pointing this out indirectly?

I always tell her im sorry to hear that, hope she's ok etc and try to offer advice so not sure what else I can really do!

It just sounds like a habit. My eighteen year old says ‘it’s not that deep’ all the time at the moment. it’s quite annoying.

I’d just say ‘me too’ or something like that.

Maybe what’s unsettling about this, and the OP’s friend too, is it seems to imply a sort of feeling that we wouldn’t realise how bad it is unless it actually happens to us. Or perhaps that it’s bad, but would of course be much worse if it happened to us, and that’s the thing we should be wishing for. It brings the focus back to how bad it might be if events might affect us personally, rather than actually empathising with the people involved.

I think by doing this they’re trying to empathise but struggling to go beyond “how would it feel if it happened to me” to “how is it feeling for those other people”.

She sounds really empathetic actually. She’s not just focused on herself and is thinking that she doesn’t want this to happen to her friends.

It would be worse if she said ‘I wish they this had happened to someone else, why me’.

My MIL says things like this. I find it irritating too. It's almost as if it translates to "you've got it all rosy, unlike me " or "let's see it happen to you, see if you like it, because you clearly haven't got a clue what it's like " it sounds sort of passive aggressive?

But, in truth, it probably is just a bit of a habit and she doesn't even realise she's really saying it. I'd just retort with "well it did happen to me once actually!" Then swiftly move on the conversation.

‘Mmm’ should suffice…

😂 I just won the lottery, I hope you never win the lottery

It’s either just a habit or she’s developed a bit of a complex where she feels all the bad stuff happens to her and never to you. So when she’s saying “I hope it never happens to you” she’s secretly meaning “How comes
thisnnever happens to you?” Or worse “It would make her feel better if this would happen to you once in a while”