To think people make mistakes but that’s not always a reason to abandon them?

[TheTaupeMoose]

I get that boundaries are important and some situations do call for walking away. But sometimes it feels like people are so quick to cut others off, even for human (non-malicious) mistakes. Isn’t there something to be said for forgiveness, especially when someone’s genuinely sorry?

AIBU to think that grace, not perfection, should be the foundation of strong relationships?

Who has done what?

But there's levels, borrowing a friend's car and crashing yes forgive. Borrowing someones wife/ husband no.

Sorry doesn't cut the mustard in every situation especially if it's not the first such mistake.

Go on then, what have you done?

I haven’t done anything, it’s an observation.

Context is key. Something's are forgivable, something's aren't.

Mistake or wilful poor decision?

Where do you think the line lies?

I certainly think some people are too quick to draw the worst possible conclusions from others' behaviour rather than trying to understand it.

You don't cut mustard.

You spread it,

(Sorry, couldn't resist it 😀)

It depends on the mistake. Forgeting to pick up a pint of milk in the way home or spending the food shopping money on drugs or alcohol.

I think the line lies in intent, accountability, and impact. If someone’s genuinely remorseful, takes responsibility, and it wasn’t malicious or part of a repeated pattern, I think there’s room for grace. But if the same harmful behaviour keeps repeating or if they deflect/blame others, then I agree - boundaries are needed. It’s just that sometimes it feels like people don’t even want to repair anymore. It’s like one wrong step = you’re out. That feels a bit cold to me.

It depends how wrong that step was.
And even a brief look on here shows that far too many people stay in relationships for too long and put up with too much.
I’m sure it would be lovely to have an apology, remorse and behaviour change following hurt caused to a partner. I’ve just not seen that, and I suspect many others wont have either.

My parents taught me and my siblings to accept nothing but the best and not to. tolerate any mistreatment. Equally, by commanding respect, we must also behave in such a way that we would not abuse or treat anyone badly.

It’s served us well as we have all been married for decades and chose wisely.

But mustard comes from the seed of the mustard plant (used by Jesus as an example of something small growing into something big). So factually you can indeed cut it

But you are right and I am going to Google where the saying comes from now.

This is all very hypothetical.

It depends on the facts, and what the mistake is.

If the mistake is an affair, then no, it shouldn’t be forgiven, even if they’re contrite. Half the time they’re only contrite because they got caught.

Forgetting a birthday - as an isolated incident, fine to forgive.

This is a fundamental premise in most religions. When I read Mumsnetters telling people to go no contact over tiny issues I'm often reminded of our American friends who say "Y'all need to find Jesus". People have forgotten how to forgive. Going no contact sounds rather empowering and freeing until you do it one too many times and end up alone with no social life or support.

IME people rarely cut someone out of their life for one mistake, unless it's a really big one. Usually there is a straw that breaks the camels back and people finally accept that they have run out of chances to give the person who has fucked up again. You see it in threads here all the time. OP writes an account of something pretty unacceptable and the longer the thread becomes the more obvious it is that what they are posting about is just the tip of the iceberg.

It's less about coldness and more about self preservation.

It also depends if they keep making the same mistakes over and over again. In that case no.

Few people expect perfection from a relationship. Most people accept that mistakes happen, people say things they don't mean or underestimate a depth of feeling, and they move on.

But there have to be absolute boundaries too.

On the whole I think people are more forgiving than perhaps they should be.

"Y'all need to find Jesus"

I'd start by cutting off anyone who said that to me in real life.
What about all the bits of the bible that call for people to be killed, tortured etc. if they 'sin'?

Op I suspect you have another thread running right now about infidelity. If you have cheated then take the consequences

Some things are unforgivable.

It’s too vague to say.

Some things are unforgivable but also, my example is a friend was a complete dick to me last week. She’s not a close friend but the way she spoke to me, I’m not interested in putting any effort in there anymore. It’s not a great loss. Was it a major thing? No but life is too short to tolerate nonsense. She’s not family and I can absolutely live without her.

I think it’s a fallacy to think that the majority of people are cutting people off willy nilly for minor infractions. At least, I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t take it seriously. In fact, far more people I know (myself included in the past) have put up with appalling behaviour for too long.