To think people make mistakes but that’s not always a reason to abandon them?

[TheTaupeMoose]

I get that boundaries are important and some situations do call for walking away. But sometimes it feels like people are so quick to cut others off, even for human (non-malicious) mistakes. Isn’t there something to be said for forgiveness, especially when someone’s genuinely sorry?

AIBU to think that grace, not perfection, should be the foundation of strong relationships?

This is very vague. Everything depends on context.

If someone’s genuinely remorseful, takes responsibility, and it wasn’t malicious or part of a repeated pattern, I think there’s room for grace.

I can’t think of anyone I know who’s cut someone off in these circumstances. If it’s happened to you then the person you hurt didn’t believe you took responsibility or were remorseful and recollections vary.

Without specifics this feels a bit vague and pointless. Just fess up.

No. There is something to be said for YOU choosing to forgive someone if you want to.

There's a lot more to be said for absolutely never trying to tell other people how to feel about harmful things that have been done to them because that sort of manipulative and intrusive behaviour can lead to secoundary wounding and can perpetuate abuse.

Coerced forgiveness is nearly always aimed at women, you very rarely hear a man told to just forgive and move on, and all the pointless comments about poisoning yourself and burning yourself are utterly childish and one dimensional.

What's more, trying to coerce, hint at, or push anyone towards resolving things in the way you have chosen is about YOUR comfort level, not theirs and often leads to them digging their heels in due to feeling minimised.

Unless directly invited to comment, leave other adults alone to make their own decisions, as you haven't the tiniest notion of how they feel or what has led them to that decision.

My observation is that people are far more likely to forgive ‘mistakes’ than to jump ship immediately. I find the expectation of forgiveness far more annoying.

Forgiveness is deeply personal and it’s up to the individual.

It depends, one big thing like violence, assault, cheating, stealing then yes walk away immediately. Or lots of small lies, attacks/digs and general poor behaviour. Also depends on the importance, people will put up with much more from their children, partner, parents and siblings than say an acquaintance.

This really, I haven't actually met anyone who cut someone off where the "mistakes" weren't a repeating pattern and accountability wasn't there. I usually find people excuse things for a long time till they snap and cut someone off

Silly thread and question.

You've acknowledged yourself that it's not 'always' a reason which means you accept sometimes it is.

If it doesn't involve you, you have no idea whether it's a one off mistake or a pattern of 'mistakes'.

I don't know anyone who has cut someone off like that. I, and everyone I know, has only done it when someone repeatedly shows no remorse.

Sounds like more guilt tripping bullshit to keep women in bad marriages and bad friendships.

I bet OP is referring to women enforcing boundaries to not get taken advantage of and doesn’t like it for some reason.

I can accept an apology if I feel true remorse from someone, but the relationship still might not go back to what it was before they hurt me. (Forgive but not forget.)

Nope.

if someone is violent to you or your child you should walk away and not listen to this bullshit about a state of grace.

you might not get the second chance to walk away.

all very well being in a state of grace if you or your kid is dead.

Some things aren’t about the person who made the mistake.

The person who was hurt by the error has to be able to choose their response. If they need to protect themselves from the fear of future errors then they can walk away.

The person who made the mistake isn’t the most important person considered.