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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that there is a large number of Mners that want this place to be dull and without discussion?

107 replies

Mamazon · 26/05/2008 22:43

I love Mn....we all do, thats why we are here. so don't jump on me and tell me off for slagging it off, because im not.

but i do wonder if some people just dont really know what they want.

If the word netmums, ((((hugs)))) or Hun is mentioned we all shudder and run for the nearest hiding spot. and yet recently i have noticed with increased regularity the slightest hint at a debate or a subject likely to cause debate and we get lots of "hard hats" and "im off to get popcorn" and even worse people actually advising that the subject matter be dropped.

the intellectual aspect of MN is what i love most. the fact that there are people with such varied views and such great ability to voice them articulately.

why is it that we now wish to stop people from posting anything that is even slightly controversial?

OP posts:

handlemecarefully · 26/05/2008 23:25

YABU - I think discussion is wanted and desired. Cheap shots and rabid slanging matches in place of proper debate is "what a large number of Mners" don't want

Earlybird · 26/05/2008 23:26

Have just hidden the 'who let my barking dog out' and 'why is this man in the bedroom with my daughter' threads - but don't feel a need to announce that I am leaving. I'll just tell you lot here.....

hunkermunker · 26/05/2008 23:28

Sorry, I was being a bit impenetrable there! What I meant was that I saw you'd said you hoped your DD bfed and I wondered whether you felt that the accumulation of threads you'd read had influenced that desire. Sorry to single you out - there were others on the thread, which is where I should probably have asked this, in fact - but it was just an idle wondering about whether people wanted different things for their daughters' future having read around the subject since their own experience.

Tortington · 26/05/2008 23:36

I think i could say that MN helps t perpetuate the growing culture of acceptance of BF as the 'norm'

I think this is importantbecuase the more demands society as a whole puts on resources - one would hope the resources would grow - in turn perpetuating the culture....

MN as an online community is a part of that, i can't say that i ever didn't know that breast as best. I do know that it wasn't an option i felt i had at the time - and looking back with rose tinted glasses - nostalgia and all that... i still believe that had i had just one more thing to cope with at the time - i would seriously o had a breakdown.

it is in tht light that i hope that my daughter has a better experience, i hope that she can enjoy breastfeeding her children if that is what she chooses to do. I hope that the societal culture enables her to make a fully informed decision and give her support whatever she chooses. I hope her experiene is one of love and joy. and not one of wanting to lie down and die!

melodrama moi? nah!

hunkermunker · 26/05/2008 23:40

Thank you - that's really interesting. I hope you know I'm not judging or casting aspersions on your experience - I am fascinated by why people make the decisions they do, how much of those decisions is choice and how much is circumstance/lack of support/whatever other reason.

expatinscotland · 26/05/2008 23:43

i'm actually changing my birth plan with this one because the local hospital is far more baby friendly and the BF support is very much there, much more so than at the larger hospital.

S1ur · 26/05/2008 23:43

Thread hijack

Hunker,

interestingly or not. I come/came from a militantly bf background and MN has actually made me more understanding and supportive of ff, albeit with qualifications. I think it cuts both ways.

KerryMum · 26/05/2008 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AitchTwoCiao · 26/05/2008 23:45

oh yes, slur. when i first got here i think MN was far more dismissive of ffing than it is now. there are a lot of people who have spoken at great lenght about ffing or failing at bfing and it's to MN's benefit to have that understanding imo.

verylittlecarrot · 26/05/2008 23:47

I don't think there is much call for the stifling of rational debate.
however some posters do play fast and loose with the definition of 'rational'.

I wouldn't mind an eject button next to the CAT icon, to fire them off threads into cyberspace, where they can orbit in their own little worlds...

Original poster

Mamazon · 26/05/2008 23:48

Experiancing RL KM.
it left me wanting so i came back.

basicly i have had a fe wminor drama's at home and just haven't had the time to get on here.
but things have settled and im back ...as you can see.

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 26/05/2008 23:49

EIS, that's great - really fab! I know MN made a difference to you last time (because you've said in the past!) - sounds like it has continued with this one too

Slur, before I had children, I rather naively wondered why anybody ff - I have a far greater understanding now and fairly often talk to the more militant bfers I come across about being less hardline. I agree - it does cut both ways - and one day I hope everyone can say "I breastfed happily for as long as I wanted" - if that's what they want.

KerryMum · 26/05/2008 23:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 26/05/2008 23:52

thats ok - i hope i explained it well enough. I sometimes thnk that i have inadvertantly cast myself in an anti breastfeeding camp - which is quite different 'than don't judge me becuase i didn't breastfeed - you have no idea what it was like for me at the time' yadda yadda. I hope i extend that same thought process to other non breastfeeders - sure some are ill educated, but increasingly i hear - 'i tried but couldnt' there will be genuine people who did and couldn't but i also suspect (anecdotally) thats becuase perversly there is an increasing stigma within society on people who don't breastfeed. i don't think its intentional maybe its a necessary by product of the fab cultural shift? maybe ? dunno. my advice to my daughter would be "i will support your decision" and hope that she will have the information to make an informed one.

S1ur · 26/05/2008 23:52

Quite so Hunker. As with a lot of things, a little empathy and consideration goes a long way. Earlier than 2004 I think I would have looked pretty negatively and prejudicely at ffers.

On bf though. I think MN has made an enormous difference on details and confidence for me. I feel confident to advise and support other bfers because I feel like thses aren't just my opinions iyswim.

S1ur · 26/05/2008 23:55

Custy That's interesting you think there's been a shift to more postive to bfing. I wasn't sure anecdotally in rl. It seem there was a lot of anti bf stuff about... not sure. my circle is bf centric so more sensitive to anti stuff I suppose.

Original poster

Mamazon · 26/05/2008 23:58

we're getting there kerryMum, thank you.

if i can but in, im from the same camp as Custy in the whole BF/FF dsicussion.
i formula fed because i just didn't feel i was able to BF. not physically but emotinaly. i don't feel guilty about it but i do regret that it was a part of motherhood i missed out on.
i did consider trying to BF with DD but i simply didn't know anyone who BF other than an aunt i don't see.

But being part of MN i have hoardes of Bf experts and it does seem that BFing is the norm here.
if i were to ever have another child i would hope that i could find the confidence to at least give BFing a go.

OP posts:

Tortington · 27/05/2008 00:00

thats ok slur - i just didn't know who it was

AitchTwoCiao · 27/05/2008 00:01

i certianly think that hospitals pay lip service to supporting bfing, but in a lot of cases that means Breast Is Best posters on the wall and sod all help in reality. so yes, i can easily imagine that it would be politic for people who aren't that fussed either way to say that they tried, absolutely.
on here, though, i don't think people would have to, seems to me those of us who didn't make it tell a very real story.

S1ur · 27/05/2008 00:06

But thats it isn't it?

On MN there is debate and disagreement and also sometimes, a common understanding and empathy is reached. On MN people are generally honest and confident to tell their story or opinion and that seeps through to those with differtent views. And it all helps.

AitchTwoCiao · 27/05/2008 00:08

and then some prick comes along and does this...

S1ur · 27/05/2008 00:09

And then some arse comes along and says...

I have oonyl read OP but. I think YANBU MN is full of bullies and I am disgusted!!!!!

AitchTwoCiao · 27/05/2008 00:10

Tortington · 27/05/2008 00:11

then some other twat comes along and says

who are you to censor me by putting a line there eh? you the MN police ? i will post what i want when i want to

hunkermunker · 27/05/2008 00:11

On AOL talkboards, you can ignore posters.

Makes for ridiculous conversations, since half the posts you can see are referring to the posts you can't - but it's tempting sometimes on here!

Usually when the line's been drawn by someone who thinks it'll make a difference.

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