To think that there is a large number of Mners that want this place to be dull and without discussion?

[Mamazon]

I love Mn....we all do, thats why we are here. so don't jump on me and tell me off for slagging it off, because im not.

but i do wonder if some people just dont really know what they want.

If the word netmums, ((((hugs)))) or Hun is mentioned we all shudder and run for the nearest hiding spot. and yet recently i have noticed with increased regularity the slightest hint at a debate or a subject likely to cause debate and we get lots of "hard hats" and "im off to get popcorn" and even worse people actually advising that the subject matter be dropped.

the intellectual aspect of MN is what i love most. the fact that there are people with such varied views and such great ability to voice them articulately.

why is it that we now wish to stop people from posting anything that is even slightly controversial?

Slur, you left out 'group think'.

I like a good debate too, but some members admit to trying to provoke arguments/be outrageous in order to liven things up. All too often, threads disintegrate into trading insults and having arguments.

I'd love to see more actual debates with respect for differing perspectives/viewpoints, and fewer arguments/slanging matches.

Something to remember, Early, is how some of the great MN debates ended.

GF.

Peacedove and aloha.

The Israeli thread.

The formula as junk food thread.

It doesn't necessarily end well just because it's a debate, nor does this make the thread immune to argument and slanging matches.

Damn yeah,

Hmm

Of course the group think phenomeon is brought about by a need to reestablish a sense of belonging and continuity in time of flux. Evidence has shown the incidence of group think increases in correlation with high profile flounces.

You're right expat, debate doesn't necessarily = good. I just don't like it when the stirrers get busy because they're 'bored' and want to liven things up.

the thing is, i know that some of the more notorious debates have been done a fair few times (breast/bottle, WOHM/SAHM, crocs/stiletto's etc etc) but there are always going to be variations on an old theme.

sometimes something will hit the news and people will want to talk about it. it is not at ll helpfull to just post that its been done before.

im not talking troll's because obviously they are just moronic people who have yet to find a normal hobby...im talking about the regular poster who see's something in the street and wishes to discuss it, only to get half a dozen "sigh...this has been done amillion times" or "this will kick off"

why does having a debate which reaches 1000 posts mean that it has "kicked off"?
why can it not just mean that there are a number of people with vaired views who are happily debating the subject matter?

why is a debate seen s a bad thing?

It's the life cycle of a forum thing, I think, Slur.

After JudgeFlounce was outed, there was an outpouring of love and affection and sharing of deeply personal stuff. Amazingly predictable (I predicted it, natch)

Can I just say as an observer (nicer name for stalker I think) that when I posted with a genuine problme I received really useful answers and would have no hesitation in recommending this site for anyone with parenting issues. However, I would balk (baulk? Pedant's corner anyone?) at contributing to some of the more controversial threads just because it seems to get so personal.

Hmm. It's an interesting point, mamazon.

I recently got involved in a thread that made lots of people, including me, very uncomfortable and unhappy. And while I knew that I was adding to a general bad feeling on MN, I felt that backing down would have been worse, in the long run.

So: I felt that I was trying to keep debate open. But lots of other people felt precisely the opposite - that I was contributing or even responsible for a closing down of debate, and that my position was a personal attack.

So I'm not really sure what the answer is, tbh.
Sometimes it's possible to have a really quite painful and difficult debate, which is somehow conducted with respect and thoughtfulness on both sides.

Other times it isn't.

and to be honest, the times when things have ended badly its not the debate's fault. but that the people involved within the debate have forgotten that you are arguing the opinion not the person.
And if im hyper criticle maybe when things are getting to teh stage of being beyond debate and things are getting personal Mn could and should jump in and maybe block noth parties from posting for a day or so to allow some time to gain perspective

Yeah, but that wasn't a debate, hunker, that was a collapse!

Actually, some of the most controversial threads on here started out as really banal.

And then just exploded.

i felt that way on the abortion thread. i think i posted that i wanted to say somethng but i thought i would get battered.

think i said it anyway - but i was genuinle conccerned at how it would be recieved.

also the breastfeeding until 8 years old - wasn't a debate of views - it was slanging match - some of it out and out rubbish like EWWWW and some of it on the other side dressed up put downs. it scared me off and i didn't post again.

its hard to debate here and v. rare that poeple apologise or say " i see your POV"

i totally agree, mamazon. i HATE when people come onto a thread that has kicked off, then developed into a more reasoned debate amongst people who didn't wish to be involved in the scrapping and announces 'god, i can't believe this is still going'. just fuck off and post on another thread, don't tell us that you're bored with something to which your only contribution is a virtual yawn...

When I see a thread that has run and run, and feel 'god, is this still going on', it is probably time for me to 'hide' the thread!

Custardo, the bf 8yo thread was a wade and a half - I skimmed a lot of it and have only posted latterly on it when it seemed to have calmed down a bit.

Aitch, I agree with the " This is so dull" posters - exactly how interesting is it to post how bored you are with something?!

well precisely, eb. it's so wankily attention-seeking to say it out loud.

and then there's The Line. oh i HATE that sodding line.

indeed Hunker, i haven't looked at it since i left - no point in me airing a view there

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i saw Franny posting sensibly about debate etc on the bfing thread, thought that would calm the situation down, did it not? i kept off that htread, because, well, i didn't find it that interesting. perhaps i should've gone on it so that people would KNOW i found it uninteresting?

i hate that line too

Custardo, I wanted to ask you about your post on the thread about DDs bfing successfully having been ff - hope you don't mind? Do you think that reading stuff on MN has had any bearing on how you feel about any childrearing experience your DD may have in the future? Sorry if that is a bit odd to be asked out of the blue!

that line sort of went out of vogue for a while here.

but for a time it was everywhere, under a person posting something like, 'just leave it, people!'

i'm guilty of having bumped the last GF thread till it died.

because it was getting legally very dangerous.

i can name the people who use it. i can. but i won't. but i know what i think.

no i dont think MN has Hunker, sorry i don't know what yo mean