Feeling sorry for myself after turning down a job offer

[Trebor57]

So I was headhunted on LinkedIn for a very similar job to what I do now but for a completely different Industry, the salary increase wasn't huge but seemed a great company to work for and various other perks got good reviews on glass door etc.I accepted but got cold feet and turned it down, main reason being is I have been at my current job 11 years and I'm quite well respected and never had any issues whilst being there , also they are not the kind of companies to make redundancies often but on the 2 occasions since I've been there (and colleagues who have been there longer has said it's never happened much before) there were redundancies (a very small percent of workforce, and a lot volunteered) and from what I was told by a friend the payouts are rather generous, which gives a great deal of security in this day and age that even if things did go a bit pete tong at least you are looked after.

But with employment laws of being able to let staff go before 2 years etc, my fear was if I took the job and that was to happen I could lose everything.

I know I've made the right decision but can't help feel sorry for myself as it did sound exciting, which is annoying as a week ago I wasn't even giving it a seconds thought

Be nice to me and tell me I've done the right thing lol

Gut feelings etc etc and if it ain't broke dont fix it

You’ve done the right thing. It hasn’t got enough perks to risk changing from a job in which you have established security, respect, where you’re happy and you’re in no way desperate to leave.
I think you’ve made a well considered decision. I know from experience how badly things can go wrong with impulsive changes in role.

I think it’s hard to know that, in different circumstances, you’d have wanted to take the opportunity. You’ve made the right decision for you, it sounds well considered and with an eye to much needed job security so give yourself time to feel down about it but know you’ve done the best you can.

I was looking last year and turned down a job I wasn't sure about. Not long after I got a job I WAS sure about and there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that it was the right thing. Thank God I had turned down job 1 to be available for job 2.

You'll know when it's right by the absence of doubt.

Thank you so much I really needed to read something like that Although I'm sorry it went wrong for you 😭

So you have wasted the time and money of the other company by pursuing a recruitment process which ended in you accepting the role... and you feel sorry for yourself?! Wow! They now have to restart the process, spend more time and money on finding someone and, in the meantime, have to manage without someone in the role, presumably meaning others will have to carry the workload you had accepted to do.

Feeling guilty, yes, that would be normal. But feeling sorry for yourself?! Give your head a wobble.

She was headhunted when she wasn’t looking for a new job. Hardly the same as applying for an advertised post.

rubbish @HoskinsChoice, this is all a normal part of recruitment and its costs and OP is allowed to have her feelings and thoughts! Some companies aren’t transparent about pay and benefits until late in the process, which is their choice and risks candidates dropping out later.

You’ve made a decision to stay, but identified a desire for progression/change/to learn new things, you could reflect on what you could do next about those goals.

If you'd really wanted the job, you'd have taken it. You obviously didn't have that feeling of it being your perfect job or the benefits being life-changingly good, so it wasn't worth the loss of security. Imagine if you'd taken it and regretted it, or you'd taken it and then been made redundant within 2 years and had a minimal payout. When the right job comes along, you'll recognise it and feel as though you want it desperately, regardless of any drawbacks.

It is exactly the same. Headhunting is just a more proactive form of advertising. If she had had early discussions or just submitted a CV so she could learn more that's fine but she accepted the job! And then turned it down for reasons totally unrelated to the job but simply as she put it 'got cold feet'. It's the very definition of wasting time and money.

It happens every day in recruitment and it’s completely normal to have candidates withdraw.

It absolutely is not normal! I'm not saying it doesn't happen but when it does, it is very shitty! Do you have any idea how much it costs to run a recruitment process? It's huge as is the time committed to it.

And she didn't withdraw because of information she didn't find out until later in the process, she withdrew because she got cold feet. The time to decide you don't want to leave your company is BEFORE you accept a job, not after!

But it shouldn't happen every day. It's pure selfishness and entitlement to waste a company's time and money.

Did you post about this a few weeks ago?
Because you accepted then pancked and you liked all the people at your current job and couldnt expect your current employer to offer you more and then changed your mind

A friend of mine gave up their secure government job for a big payrise somewhere private. 6 months later they made them redundant and they had to rush to find a new job - they are now earning less than they were at their original job 😔

Nah. It's a usual part of the recruitment process. The companies themselves sometimes do worse, eg promising a job, then withdrawing the offer after someone has quit their existing job and even moved across the country. I've seen it happen.

probably, ive been all over the place all week with my anxiety :(

I’m with @HoskinsChoice on this one.

Fair enough if, at a late stage, you discover something specific about the company that means you have second thoughts about a role and decide to pull out.

But decreased job security for the first 2 years is a known factor going into the process - it’s time wasting for all involved.

Sure, sometimes companies behave appallingly @NotTerfNorCis - but it shouldn’t be a race to the bottom 🤷🏼‍♀️

You’ve done the right thing. Don’t fret over it.

I mean i thought you were making the wrong choice in that last thread and should have gone for the new job... but 🤷🏻‍♀️ you seemed set on staying at your current place.

Now you have what you wanted and you say yourself in this post you know you made the right choice so really honestly I'm not clear on the dilemma.

Presumably you just very anxious or something? It might be worth seeing someone about it...

What a load of bollocks. She doesn't owe the company anything!

I’d say that is the risk of headhunting. You are approaching someone who is not actively looking for another job, so you have to convince them to consider the role. Someone accepting then declining an offer is disappointing but it is not unusual. And in that case, it is better to know before they are supposed to start. We had a candidate pull out the night before they were due to start - that is poor form.

This all happened in the space of a week, I'm sure they'll cope! And it's a huge decision so she could pull out at any time. Don't you think it's best she realised this before actually starting the job? You come across like a twat tbh

I'm in 2 minds about this mostly because of my own circumstances. I'm in my current job 9 yrs and it's getting stale. Same *hit different day. Personally I'd have jumped at the chance of a fresh start and something new to sink my teeth into.
I feel like you let fear hold you back and thats why you're second guessing yourself now.

While I totally understand your reasoning for staying in your current job, sometimes you have to take chances in life.

As someone who regularly recruits I'm bemused by some of the comments here, it really is an everyday occurrence for candidates to change their mind and turn down roles they've accepted and no big deal at all. I don't consider it poor form just part and parcel of the process so please don't worry about that aspect OP.

In most cases it's not necessary to start the recruitment process from scratch as there's usually other appointable candidates. (Candidates who don't turn up for their first day having completed all the onboarding are another matter, it's a bit annoying when that happens).

I also agree with the first response you got, it's not a good enough offer to take the risk of leaving your current good set up.

Yes this has made me realized how anxious I get with life changing decisions and I am going to get some help as I was literally throwing up with anxiety