Dad confusing daughter

[Bethabooo]

Hi all not to make this a long thread but basically it's been bugging me because my daughter basically gets confused every time she has been around her dad. My daughter is only three but been spending a few more extra days with her dad because I've been at work. Basically her dad my ex has gender issues sees himself as a woman and sometimes calls himself mummy. Now although he has denied it all to me I've heard him call himself mummy also every single time my daughter has been around him basically she comes home confused. I have already kicked my ex out of our family home the only way I can mentally cope with this is to not communicate with him unless i have to. It's only way I have been physically able to cope. Recently though I've been working more shifts so he has been looking after her more. She has sometimes called me dad and i say to my daughter what does daddy call himself and she says mummy. I find all this really upsetting. All though I've managed to block it out by not having anything to do with him when my daughter gets all confused it's just really getting to me. I don't want to approach her dad because he gets really nasty makes out I'm crazy and it's all in my head. He also used to crossdress years ago before we had our daughter before we were in a relationship but I guess he sees himself as a women or has some issues going on. Thanks all for listening

I would be looking for childcare from someone else and seeking legal advice

No way would I let my daughter anywhere near him.

If your ex is having gender issues, then he needs to seek some proper professional help. What he shouldn't be doing is swaying between calling himself Daddy and Mummy. Your daughter is 3, she needs consistency and stability, not confusion, as this will start making her feel anxious. Calling you Daddy, is her child logic, if Daddy is sometimes Mummy, then Mummy must sometimes be Daddy. She doesn't understand. I would, if at all possible try and see if you can seek childcare from elsewhere. Could your daughter attend nursery? Or attend more frequently? If you want to approach him, then you need to tell him that you've heard him refer to himself as Mummy, as well as your daughter telling you and it needs to stop, because she's very confused. Unfortunately, I doubt he'll listen.

Hi I have been down this path before nothing happens. Sadly you can't ban a child from seeing their dad just because he has gender issues. It's not classed as abuse. Sadly even if he starts dressing as a trans woman again even then nothing can be done. I know when she is older she will understand he is her dad. Thanks for your advice.

I will definitely be cutting down the childcare again and ask for more days at nursery. Thank you I appreciate your advice

Look up Ute Heggen and Tracy Shannon. Very active trans widows. I think one at least is running a support group. US based. Tracy Shannon in particular speaks about the confusion her children were put through.

There is also the Transwidows thread on the feminism sex and gender board where you may get useful advice.

I’m sorry that you and your child are in this horrendous position.

I find it shocking that it’s not classed as being detrimental to the child and will confuse her mind.

It is shocking men are allowed to dress up now and even use ladies toilets. I have nothing against cross dressers or people in the wrong body ect. It's just her dad is confusing my daughter and ruining my life. I was able to block it out but now my daughter is getting confused and I can't block it out. It's raw again. I honestly hate him i really do.

Well I’m glad that you have left this weirdo. He is awful for doing this to your dd. Poor child, looking at this hairy man and him telling her to call him mummy. Please get her more days at nursery to minimise the impact on her.

So sorry he is putting your child through this.

Incidentally he can dress how he pleases but a recent Supreme Court Judgement has clarified that men cannot legally use women's toilets, even if they have a gender recognition certificate.

Please go onto the Trans widow's thread as many of them have been through this and will be able to give you ideas how to handle it.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4879982-trans-widows-escape-committee-6-the-next-generation?reply=145407656

And the web site

https://www.transwidowsvoices.org/

That’s big your choice or the mothers. He’s her father and him wearing make up annd a dress isn’t illegal and there nothing wrong with it. I guess your Harris viewpoint isn’t Yoi dissimilar to misused in the late 19th century who felt the same about women who wore trousers and no make up.

Weirdo? Do you think people of both sexes then should confirm to old fashioned gender norms? Welcome to the 19th century

Ask him to be consistent with whatever he calls himself and he can briefly tell your daughter if your daughter now calls you both Mummy or not.

It doesn't need to be a drama. Kids are adaptable. 3 year old boys even like wearing dresses and playing mummy but a grown up changing their own pronouns will confuse her.
Not sure it will damage her though.